Abbey committed suicide after years of alleged sexual abuse

WHEN the Family Court finally accepted that Abbey had been abused by her father, it was too late. Her tragic story is why changes are needed.

Mother Gill is campaigning for changes in the Family Court system after her daughter Abbey committed suicide after allegedly being abused by her father.

GILL will never forget the day she held her beautiful 17-year-old daughter Abbey for the last time.

She walked brightly into her daughter’s room on a Monday morning with a fresh coffee in her hand for the vibrant, beautiful girl who loved baking and writing poetry and whose room was filled with positive affirmations taped to the walls.

Gill bent down to hand the coffee to her daughter but Abbey didn’t move.

Gill shook her. Abbey felt cold and then the realisation dawned on her.

Abbey was dead.

The shock was unbearable.

“Once your child is dead you know they’re dead,” Gill tells Kidspot. “They’re not coming back. It was the worst day of my life. I wanted to die with her.”

Gill, campaigner for child sex abuse, at her home. Her daughter Abbey, committed suicide after years of alleged sexual abuse. Picture: Daniel Wilkins

THE COURT GAVE ACCESS TO A CHILD SEX OFFENDER

A year before Abbey had alleged that she had been sexually abused for years by someone who was supposed to care for her above all else.

That man had been convicted and jailed for molesting another young girl but had proclaimed his innocence and had been granted regular access to Abbey after Gill felt pressured to consent to orders that allowed visitation — including overnight stays — by the Family Court.

She was told by lawyers and psychologists that denying Abbey’s father access would damage the young girl, and that forcing the matter to go to trial which could result in even more restrictive orders.

Gill says the court refused to assess all the available evidence and she felt she was treated like a vindictive, hysterical ex-wife when she was only trying to protect her daughter.

Gill says unless a specific child sex abuse organisation opens in WA more children’s lives are likely to be ruined, if not lost.

“My guts screamed ‘no contact’,” Gill says, “But I felt so alone. I was pressured into accepting contact orders or told that the outcome would be even worse.

“I was fighting to protect my children but he kept lying to the court without consequence. Well there was a consequence. The consequence was that Abbey took her own life.”

The Family Court has since released a statement emphasising that Abbey’s matter “was not heard in the Family Court of Australia at any time” but that orders were made with Gill’s agreement and did not proceed to a contested hearing.

Sickeningly, just 10 days after Abbey’s death the Family Court sent Gill a letter that read: “The department has assessed that [Abbey’s abuser] has harmed Abbey” and denied him further unsupervised contact.

Tragically, it was 10 days too late.

A poem Abbey wrote before her death

THE COURT LETS CHILDREN DOWN AGAIN AND AGAIN

Tragically, Abbey’s story is anything but unique.

“The Family Court system is sending children to their deaths,” says Bravehearts founder Hetty Johnston. “I’ve been in police stations with little girls just nine or 10 who are anorexic, clutching their little diary because they want to show the police officers but they won’t look at it.

“I’ve seen courts dismiss evidence from eminent paediatricians.”

And it’s not just mothers like Gill whose genuine claims are dismissed who are suffering. Parents like John* from Melbourne have felt the sting of the system in reverse — the victim of vindictive false claims made by his daughter’s mother.

Their little girl was born after a short affair and John says he has only been able to see his daughter, Isobel*, on a handful of supervised visits because her mother has invented baseless family violence claims to block his access.

Once more, the court simply got it wrong.

THE FAMILY COURT NEEDS A ROYAL COMMISSION

What is becoming increasingly clear is that parents aren’t the problem here. It’s the court itself.

A functioning Family Court, properly funded and staffed with court officers with proper training in domestic violence and child abuse, would be able to adequately assess both Gill and John’s different matters and separate the fact from fiction.

Isobel could know her dad. And Abbey may still be alive.

Ms Johnston has had enough. She has been fighting the injustices of the Family Court for most of her working life and is now gearing up to take it on, a battle she describes as, “perhaps the last I’ll do”.

This is a woman who doesn’t give up easily. It was Ms Johnston who fought the Queensland government to shut down its broken foster care system, which led to inquiries into the broken out-of-home care in states around Australia.

She fought tirelessly to see the removal of Governor-general Peter Hollingworth after it was revealed he covered up a case of child sexual abuse in the Anglican Church years before.

She’s stood beside parents of missing children, from the Morcombes to the Tyrells, never wavering as their worlds collapsed around them.

“I know there are a million other causes out there,” she says. “But nothing is more important than our kids.”

Hetty Johnston from Bravehearts says the system must change.

Bravehearts is petitioning Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull to launch a Royal Commission into the Family Court — the only way, Ms Johnston says, that this broken system can ever be fixed. Some of its recommendations include:

■ Requiring all personnel in the Family Law System (including child safety, police, judges, legal representatives) to participate in mandatory specialist accreditation courses into the field of child sexual assault, family violence, trauma, the process of disclosure, the processes and implications of grooming and the accepted empirical evidence regarding child sexual assault prevalence and processes.

■ The establishment of a Child Advocacy Centre based on international approaches to increase collaborative decision making and the quality of evidence that comes before the court.

You can read the full submission here.

Hetty Johnston and Bravehearts are petitioning the Prime Minister to launch a Royal Commission into the Family Court.

IT’S NOT ABOUT FATHERS VS. MOTHERS.

It’s very easy to turn Family Court cases into a battle of the sexes; women painted as vengeful and hysterical and men branded liars and abusers. Both these stereotypes exist, but there are just as many good parents who are being let down by the system — and far more importantly, whose children are suffering immeasurably.

Ms Johnston and Gill are taking their demand for a Royal Commission into the Family Court on Thursday. Ms Johnston thinks it could run alongside the existing Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse as the right experts and infrastructure are already assembled. If it doesn’t work she’ll try another way.

“I won’t give up,” she says. “I never give up.”

PLEASE HELP OTHER CHILDREN LIKE ABBEY

As Gill and I talked on the phone, me in Sydney, she sitting in her car in her driveway in WA Gill suddenly cried out with delight.

“There’s a beautiful butterfly flying right in front of the car,” she told me excitedly. “Abbey loved butterflies. I’m not religious but I’m spiritual and I often see butterflies and I know she’s with me. It’s right on my car now! It’s flying around the windscreen.”

Abbey, she says, is fighting this fight right alongside her, to help children just like her.

“I miss her,” Gill says. “I miss her every day. But I believe in turning Abbey’s death into something good to help kids just like her. She was a beautiful gentle soul and believe she’s going to help us make some desperately-needed changes.”

* Names have been changed

You can sign the Bravehearts petition calling for a Royal Commission here

If you’re a child or you know a child who is suffering and needs to talk to someone who understands, please contact the Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800 or Bravehearts on 1800 272 831

This article originally appeared on Kidspot.