Is society too harsh on older mums?

MORE women than ever are having their first baby after 40 - some in their 50s - so two older mums ask why does society judge them so harshly?

Body clock

WAITING to cross the lights at a busy intersection, a heavily pregnant Necia Wilden was stopped in her tracks.

"Hey - fancy a preggo belly like that at your age," a woman shouted rudely from across the street.

Taken aback and teary, Ms Wilden, who was a first time mum at 50, was too heavily pregnant to walk quickly away from all the people who had stopped and stared. It was a terrible introduction to the social stigma of having a baby at an age when some women are already becoming grandparents

"Everyone else around me was excited and happy for me, mostly because they had known how long we'd waited to fall pregnant. I was lucky,” Ms Wilden said.

After ten years of trying IVF, Ms Wilden and her partner finally welcomed their "miracle baby" Juliette last January and haven’t looked back despite the challenges.  

"The main challenges were fatigue and the extra costs of having an alternative therapist who I saw every week to manage my oestrogen levels. This was expensive but I could not do without it. Other than that, I had the perfect pregnancy,” she said.

Britain's oldest mother Susan Tollefsen, who gave birth to daughter Freya at 57, was not so lucky.  This week she lamented the harsh criticism of older women who choose to have babies.

Tollefsen has spoken out in favour of new recommendations to increase the upper age limit for women wanting IVF from 39 to 42.

She told the telegraph.co.uk that while motherhood was the most fulfilling experience of her life it was unfair that while older men were congratulated for having children, older women were considered 'selfish'.

More women than ever are having babies over the age of 40. In Australia in 2011, there were 12,800 babies born to women in this age group - a rise from 7100 in 2001. In 2011 there were 53 babies born to women over 50.

Melbourne clinical psychologist Dr Melissa Keogh told news.com.au  older mothers can find themselves facing an unexpected level of stigma in Australian society.  

"Part of this has to do with the risks associated with giving birth as an older woman,"Dr Keogh said.

"But there are also plenty of examples of older women in the celebrity and also a general shift in views of what constitutes acceptable families, roles for women and general trends these days also like gay parenting; defacto versus married parents, equal pay for  women, house husbands and fertility treatments."

Necia Wilden said there were misconceptions about "choice" when it comes to women giving birth later in life.

"There are actually millions of reasons why a woman does not fall pregnant until they’re older. And my advice to anyone thinking about it is then, just go for it. If you can do it, then go right ahead,” she said.

Professor Michael Chapman from IVF Australia said a woman's chances of conceiving naturally are halved once she reaches 36; and this level falls to 4 per cent by the time she is 41.  

Despite these odds, only 25 per cent of women over 40 will use IVF to conceive and it will take them on average three cycles to be successful.

"It is very rare to see women over 50 on the IVF program, and in fact IVF Australia has a policy that states no treatment for any women over 51,"Professor Chapman said.

Health and fitness of the mother becomes extra critical at this later stage of life and Professor Chapman said most of the women he sees fall into a higher socio economic bracket.

Dr Keogh considers this stronger financial status to be one of the advantages of becoming a mother later in life.

"Also if mums are making an empowered choice at a time in their life that works for them and the pregnancy is planned and something they want,this is likely to benefit the emotional health of the mother and child," she said.

Prof Chapman said all these reasons offered compelling evidence to suggest IVF treatments would become only more common for women as time goes on.  

"Unless society changes its thinking about having 'it all' before children, more and more women will be forced to turn to fertility treatment to help them conceive, because the biological clock does not wait," he said.

Necia Wilden said her life has changed significantly since the birth of Josephine.

"There have definitely been some big changes. Life is very busy and I constantly feel dumb.  Part of that is probably that I have always been a perfectionist,” Ms Wilden said.

"Financial security has also become very important to me. I never used to be a materialistic person, but now I wish that I had lots and lots of money to have more help around the house and secure my daughter’s education. But I have also never felt happier."

Are you an older mum? Share your experience in the comments below.

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