There’s more than a few things people neglect to mention about pregnancy – so here’s the deal

“I’ve realised that all my friends were apparently in some secret club where they kept all these weird and wonderful parts of pregnancy from me.”

I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to expect when I fell pregnant.

I am the last one in my friendship group to have a child and I’ve been surrounded by babies for the last seven years.

I could confidently hold newborns and had somehow absorbed enough details over the years to recommend a pram to another pregnant friend before I had even started thinking about having my own.

I never shied away from asking about the gory details about labour and those early days with a newborn baby either – the tearing, the bleeding nipples. I thought I was ready for anything.

RELATED: ‘I found out I was pregnant 30 minutes before my baby was born’

Turns out they’d skipped some pretty important details. Picture: iStock

Only there was one slight problem. I was so focused on asking questions about labour and birth that I forgot that very minor detail about what the experience is actually like carrying the child in your own body for 10 months.

Yes, 10 months. That is one myth that no one ever seemed to think was worth mentioning during all our conversations. I’ll admit maths has never been my strong suit and I could have figured this one out pretty easily on my own, but it somehow took until I was seven months pregnant and still had 12 weeks to go that it finally dawned on me.

And now that I’m nearing my due date with my first baby, I’ve realised all my friends were apparently in some motherhood version of fight club where they kept so many weird and wonderful parts of pregnancy a secret from me.

So to save any first-time mums out there from the same surprises, here are the five things I wish I’d known about pregnancy.

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THE KICKING IS NO JOKE

When I imagined feeling my unborn baby moving, I thought it would be like a beautiful, soft, ethereal flutter.

Instead, I either feel like my intestines are being rearranged or that an elbow might bust through my skin at any moment.

When I lay back at night, it really does look like my baby is trying to escape the premises by any means necessary and that my belly button seems like the most logical option for her.

It’s not unusual for me to hunch over suddenly as if I’ve been kicked in the guts – but I guess that’s the miracle of pregnancy, right?

THERE’S A LOT OF HAIR

Before pregnancy, my bathroom floor pretty much looked like a shag pile rug once I’d finished curling my hair, so one welcome surprise was that it was actually staying in my scalp for a change.

I had heard friends talk about their hair loss once the baby arrives, but I hadn’t realised that the changing hormones can actually make your hair thicker for the duration of your pregnancy. So for now I’m embracing the extra thickness while it lasts.

However one thing worth noting is if it’s thicker on your head, it’s going to be thicker everywhere else, too. And I mean everywhere.

My stomach has suddenly decided to sprout its own coat (which is very unfortunate during a summer pregnancy) and it’s getting increasingly difficult to reach the other areas that need attention when you have a growing belly in the way.

And if you’ve ever had laser hair removal, you can kiss those results goodbye. We’re back at square one now, ladies.

I’m embracing the luscious locks while they last. Picture: Supplied/Kidspot

SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE

Nearly everyone I spoke to said, “You won’t be sleeping once the baby arrives so enjoy it while you can.”

But since I found out I was pregnant, I have not once slept through the night. Whether it’s from a mixture of pure excitement and anticipation, or the endless urge to wee, you’ll be getting plenty of practice at being awake at all hours of the night.

It’s also made tricky by the fact you’re advised to only sleep on your left side during the later stages of pregnancy, so if you’re usually a back sleeper like me you’ll wake up in a panic several times a night convinced you’ve squished your baby.

And let me tell you, you could basically watch the entire season of Bridgerton in the time it takes you to roll over in bed and get comfortable again.

YOUR PREGNANT BELLY MIGHT NOT LOOK HOW YOU THINK

I’m very tall at 187cm so I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me that my baby bump didn’t pop out after a few weeks. In fact, many people commented how lucky I was that I still didn’t really look pregnant until the 26-week mark.

But going into pregnancy, I always just assumed I would have a perfectly round beach ball belly like all the celebrities with a cute outie belly button.

Now I’m 34 weeks and feel like a cocktail frankfurt that has burst out of its casing by night-time, but my belly button is still well and truly an innie and my belly is far from that perfectly round shape you imagine.

My bump at 26 weeks and 32 weeks along. Picture: Supplied/Kidspot

THE BLOOD

Okay, this one in particular has me baffled. And while I know it’s more to do with post-birth than pregnancy, it needs to be addressed. Why did none of my girlfriends tell me about THE AMOUNT OF BLOOD that leaves your body after delivery?

Now that I’m pregnant, it seems to be all I’m hearing about and I’ve been advised to pack pads and adult nappies by the boatload into my hospital bag – yet no one mentioned this before!

After pressing a few friends on this, they described their first shower after birth as like a scene from a slasher movie.

And while I am still shocked this hasn’t naturally come up previously, I know that’s because they were all too wrapped up telling me all the delicious parts of motherhood.

And despite the many more sleepless nights that are no doubt in my future, I can’t bloody wait.

This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced here with permission