Parents on guilt trip from advice overload

PARENTS bombarded with so much contradictory information about the "correct" way to raise kids, they're losing confidence in their skills.

Zajaczkowski

MUMS and dads are being bombarded with so much contradictory information about the "correct" way to raise their children that they are losing confidence in their parenting skills, an expert warned yesterday.

Constant advice from professionals, family, friends, and even strangers on the street is overwhelming parents with guilt and confusion, psychologist Jodie Benveniste said.

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A study of 350 parents on the Parent Wellbeing website found that scrutiny and information overload were contributing to a lack of parenting confidence. Mixed messages on discipline, toilet training, childcare arrangements and childbirth methods increase parental worry about not making the "right" choice.

"Everyone seems to have an opinion about raising our kids and it is understandable as we are raising the future generation," Ms Benveniste said. "But ultimately kids really benefit from confident parenting and that is where we are getting a little bit unstuck. That is when kids find the cracks and start to run the house instead of parents running the house."

Parents needed "broad guidelines" rather than inflexible rules to work out what was best for their family, said Ms Benveniste, who runs online parenting course The Parenting Manifesto.

Emotive language used to push different parenting concepts was also adding to parental guilt, said Amanda Cox, founder of the Real Mums website.

She said parents were often given conflicting information and "guilted" into choosing one option or another.

"If you are told if you don't breastfeed exclusively for two years they are going to grow up with a low IQ, that is a kick in the guts," she said.

"The next day we are told that is not true, so it plays on emotions and is real guilt-inducing stuff. We're being told 'this is the right way' rather than 'find the right way for you'."

Ursula Zajaczkowsi said advice on how to raise Max, 2, and Miryana, 6, came from everywhere. "You can push your child down the street in a pram and a complete stranger will stop you and say you are not doing it right, and suddenly I am a bad parent because I don't conform to your standards," she said.

She said parenting needed to be flexible, depending on the children and the parents.

Ms Benveniste said fearing the judgment of other parents could be a major worry for many families.

"Kids benefit when they are loved and some boundaries are set," she said.

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