Melbourne grandmother’s ‘rebel’ sparks huge debate

Australian statistics show the number of parents who rely on family to raise their children is on the rise - but some are refusing to assist.

A Melbourne grandmother has lashed out at the growing number of parents who rely on family help to raise their kids – with many agreeing, labelling it “selfish”.

Two in five grandparents with a grandchild aged under 13 years are providing some child care, according to the Australian Institute for Intergenerational Practice.

The proportion providing child care was higher (63 per cent) if the youngest grandchild was under 10 years rather than 10–12 years (33 per cent).

It’s these figures that have fired up a grandma-of-eight, who penned a piece revealing she is bucking the growing trend of the older generation helping out with childcare, with her words dividing parents and grandparents in equal measures.

Writer Avril Moore said while she enjoys being a grandmother, she was very quick to tell her three adult children she would not be available for childcare.

Childcare, in this instance, was all day babysitting several days a week while the child’s parents were at work. In her opinion piece for The Age she said it was often women over the age of 65 who stepped into this role.

“As parents, a good part of my life and that of my husband’s has been dedicated to raising our own three children and neither of us wish to take on that level of responsibility again,” Moore wrote in her opinion piece for the publication.

“Furthermore, I resent the fact that despite the equal involvement of said partner during those years and now as grandparents, the expectation is that I alone, by virtue of my sex, should somehow be participating in child care regularly.”

Melbourne grandmother Avril Moore said she won't help in the childcare of her grandchildren. Picture: iStock

She said that while spending time with her grandchildren was lovely, the main reason she was “rebelling” against this ideology wasn’t gender equality but that simply taking care of kids was a lot of work.

Moore said she has seen other grandmothers become resentful — particularly when parents criticise for not doing things the “right way” according to them.

The writer isn’t wrong when she claims that more grandparents are helping out with childcare, particularly amid the cost of living crisis.

The 2022 Families in Australia Survey revealed “most often, grandparents provide child care to support parents’ work.”

“Grandparents’ desire to connect and build relationships with grandchildren and family was fundamental to them taking on this child care,” the survey claims.

Most childcare is on an occasional basis compared to regular or school holiday care, but with the growing cost of childcare facilities more are turning to their family for help.

Some said parents relying on grandparents to save money was ‘selfish’: Picture: iStock

According to recent data from the Productivity Commission, out-of-pocket child care costs have risen substantially for families living in every state and territory in Australia.

Victorians currently pay the highest daycare bill in the country, with the average cost of 50 hours of centre-based care at $626 a week.

The government increased its childcare subsidy for families earning under $530,000 last July, however, according to a report from the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission last year, fees rose by nearly double the rate of wages and inflation between 2018 to 2022.

Thrive by Five’s Jay Weatherill said too many Australian children were not able to attend childcare and preschool because their parents cannot afford it.

However, Mrs Moore’s opinion piece did spark a heated debate with many disagreeing with the grandmother.

“Just as some grandparents refuse to do child care, many of us love this special time. I never hear resentment only appreciation. Our care of nine grandchildren over 15 years has fostered a very close relationship with them all,” one woman said in a letter to the editor.

“Amazingly we still manage a satisfying life of work, theatre and holidays. Our assistance is highly regarded by our family just as we were grateful to my parents for allowing my husband and I to pursue careers. It’s called family.”

“Put away the resentment. There are precious times to be had with your grandkids. Enjoy the moment. Before you know it, it will be, ‘Hi, have a nice life,’” Vic Alhadeff from Kirribilli said.

Mrs Moore said resentment and arguments can break out over how the child is raised. Picture: iStock

Another said: “If you feel that looking after children is pure drudgery then I think it is a good thing that you are not asked to do it.”

The opinion piece attracted hundreds of comments. Some agreed with Moore about being free labour.

“To expect grandparents to care for children more than one day a week is selfish... I love ‘em, don’t get me wrong, but they are not mine to raise,” they said.

“Totally agree... Governments rely on the generosity of mostly women to help provide free childcare. Imagine if men could not work because they had no childcare? The situation would be rectified in months,” another said.

“It’s always amazed me how many young people expect their parents to step into the role of carer while they chase a career and pay off huge mortgages. So unfair to grandparents who’ve done it once and are now free to do as they wish,” a third chimed in.