Kissing children on the lips is ‘too sexual’ and confusing, doctor says

A US doctor thinks parents who kiss their children on the lips are doing a very bad thing that could damage their child. But are they?

mom kissing baby

IF YOU have ever given your child an innocent peck on the lips, this child psychologist thinks you’re doing parenting very wrong.

Dr Charlotte Reznick has warned parents against kissing their children on the lips because the act was “too sexual”.

The American doctor told The Sun that because the mouth was an erogenous zone, a kiss on a child’s lips “can be stimulating” and potentially confusing to children.

“If mummy kisses daddy on the mouth and vice versa, what does that mean, when I, a little girl or boy, kiss my parents on the mouth?” she said.

But Sydney-based clinical psychologist Heather Irvine-Rundle slammed those claims as “outrageous”, saying lip-kissing children was not an inherently sexual act.

And she said it was the latest in a long list of ways already vulnerable parents were being unnecessarily judged and criticised.

“It’s an outrageous thing to say to parents. It absolutely does not take into account a special relationship that parents have with their children and the non-sexual nature from which that particular behaviour comes,” she told news.com.au.

“It also fails to take into account cultural issues as well. We know we come from a culture in which the idea of cheek-kissing and lip-kissing is something that’s kind of OK, but if you move to northern parts of the UK and particularly in parts of Scotland, that’s a really comfortable thing for people to do even into adulthood.

“It’s not sexual at all and I think the fact that it’s something we’re happy to do in public means that there’s nothing sinister about it.”

Ms Irvine-Rundle said lip-kissing was very different to kinds of touching that would be considered abusive to children.

“We teach kids that the type of touch that isn’t OK is the type that has to be kept secret, that (the child) can’t tell anyone about. It’s a touch that makes the child feel uncomfortable but they’re not allowed to say anything about it,” she said.

Kissing children is not inherently sexual, psychologist Heather Irvine-Randle says.

“We’ve taught our kids that they can speak up about the kind of touch they feel comfortable about, and we’re looking at cues from them when they don’t like it — and that’s the whole point of being a responsible parent. As soon as you make it a secret you know you’re heading down a pathway that could potentially be abusive ... and if you are doing anything that you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling a doctor that you’ve done, because they may see it as (being) wrong, then potentially what you are doing as a parent isn’t appropriate.

“But if you feel that it’s OK to do it in public — and you’re open to public scrutiny in those places — and it’s not of an abusive nature, then it just comes back to what’s appropriate within your family’s norms and values, and that may differ to others.”

She added that most children naturally asked their parents to stop kissing them on the lips when they reached primary school-age, usually because they were embarrassed about a PDA in front of their friends.

Actors Will Smith and Harry Connick Jr have both previously come under fire for kissing their children on the lips, but it’s only one of many behaviours that parents — including famous ones — have been called out for recently.

Earlier this month, football star David Beckham landed in a storm of controversy when a photo surfaced of his four-year-old daughter Harper using a dummy.

“Why do people feel they have the right to criticise a parent about their own children without having any facts?” Beckham fired back on Instagram.

Beckham hits back about the dummy controversy. Picture: Instagram

Ms Irvine-Rundle, who works with mothers in the first year of their child’s birth, said parent-shaming, especially on social media, could be damaging to vulnerable parents.

“Like every single one of these ridiculous comments that come out, it tends to be the isolated and vulnerable mothers who lack confidence already who are going to be thrown into a spin,” she said. “They’re the ones who already doubt their parenting and who already wonder whether they’re screwing up the job of parenting.

“A confident mum who has a lot of social support and a lot of helpful people to talk it though with are probably going to be OK. It’s the vulnerable mums who that suffer the most.

“(The first year of life) is a really tough time for mums because people are judging everything they do: whether they put a hat on their child or don’t put it on, whether they’re exposing their child to sunscreen or getting too much sun, whether they breastfeed or bottle feed, whether they’re doing a routine or no routine, whether they’re using natural, organic clothes or getting synthetics.

“Everyone’s judging and no one actually says to that mum: ‘Tell me about your relationship with your baby’.”

She said any parents who were concerned about behaviour between them and their children should discuss it with a child psychologist or child specialist GP.

“Don’t get left alone wondering and getting caught in tour own anxieties and concerns,” she said.

“Go to someone who is sane and safe about what you’re doing or what you could be doing to get the best relationship with your child.”