‘Boomers, we aren’t soft on kids. We are gentle parenting’

Australia has officially been branded “too woke” and “too soft” on younger generations, but the brutal assessment of the country hides a much deeper issue.

Once upon a time, if a child scraped their knee, the resounding response would be, “You’ll live”, and tears were something to “toughen up” from.

But in modern Australia, parenting has shifted — along with society itself. Today’s mums and dads are more likely to encourage emotional openness, validate feelings, and promote mental health than they are to enforce strict discipline.

And while many applaud the change, not everyone is convinced it’s for the better.

If you’ve heard your parents mutter under their breath, “Back in my day …”, you’re not alone.

Most of us know, there’s a very clear divide between Boomer and Millennial generations regarding parenting styles and approaches to discipline.

A generational tug of war over toughness

According to news.com.au’s Great Aussie Debate, a wide-ranging survey of more than 54,000 Australians that has uncovered what people really think about all the hot topics of 2025, 80.2 per cent of Aussies believe kids today are “too soft” and need more “tough love” to prepare them for the real world.

The national survey, which polled Aussies across all age groups and states, shows a sharp generational split on parenting styles.

Older Aussies are overwhelmingly in favour of firmer discipline, while younger respondents lean towards emotional support and self- expression.

While younger generations may value mental health and gentle parenting, the majority

of Australians believe we’ve taken softness a bit too far.

Support for the “tough love” approach climbs steadily with age, peaking at 88.55 per cent among those aged 70 and over.

In contrast, 30.23 per cent of 18 to 29 year olds think kids today are actually being raised right — with more emphasis on expressing emotions and understanding their mental wellbeing.

A classic full-body tantrum … Aussies are divided over how to parent kids these days. Picture: Supplied

Millennial parents are currently in the spotlight as they navigate the terrain of modern-day parenting.

As children of the 1980s, they were parented in a particular way, which was an authoritative approach, including smacks, time-outs, and shame.

‘So much empathy for Millennial parents’

Millennial parents are rebelling. And it’s not to cast shade on our parents; it’s because we now know more and can access it with a few clicks.

Genevieve Muir, parenting expert and author of Little People Big Feelings, explains that “decades of research has shown that positive, warm, consistent parenting leads to better mental health, better social skills, and better academic outcomes”.

“So pretty much everything you want for your kid will come from this kind of style of parenting,” she told news.com.au.

“Authoritarian is what was done to most of us. You know, if needed, get a smacked bottom. And would get sent to my room. That was what our parents did. They did the best they could,” the parent educator and mother of four boys added.

“Millennial parents are looking at that and saying, look, the evidence is showing that if we can raise kids in a way that is kind but also firm, that’s the best outcome for kids.”

Australia’s biggest argument finally settled

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Parenting expert Genevieve Muir says gentle parenting is not ‘going soft’. Picture: Supplied

Gen says parents all over Australia are struggling with boundaries. Picture: Supplied

So, does she believe that parents have gone soft on kids? The short answer is no.

“I work with thousands of parents, and the biggest issue they’re struggling with is boundaries. And it’s not because they’re all soft and they’re failing, it’s because they’re trying to do something different to the way that they were raised,” Ms Muir said.

“And they’re getting the pushback, and obviously, we don’t want it punished in the same way.”

She also has a great deal of empathy and praise for Millennial parents, who are embracing a new way forward as gentle parents but do not really understand how gentle parenting and boundaries come together.

“So there is a gap for Millennial parents where they’re being told what not to do, but no one’s really helping them with how you do it. And that’s really, truly as simple as Millennial parents knowing that it’s okay to say no,” Ms Muir, who is the founder of Connected Parenting, said.

“Now, that’s very different from what our parents did. They said no, and you’ll get sent to your room if you show emotion.

“So we learned not to arc up and not to push back, but that wasn’t a good thing because we didn’t learn how to let go of those emotions. We learned how to push them down. And so now we scroll on social media, and we take antidepressants, and we talk to our therapists.”

‘Kids don’t need us to get this done perfectly’

Any Millennial parent will attest that it is not that they are content with having children misbehaving or pushing back on boundaries simply because we don’t want to be an authoritarian figure. There is a desire to “have it all” – parent with kindness while also having children who listen. And it can happen.

“The term gentle parenting misled parents a little bit, thinking it’s always got to be gentle,” Ms Muir shared.

“But what they’re doing is absolutely incredible. And yes, it’s flawed, but parenting is flawed. And the good news is that kids don’t need us to get this done perfectly. They need us to get this stuff right around 30 per cent of the time so we can really lower that pressure on parents.”

Gen says our kids don’t need us to get it right every time. Picture: Supplied

Speaking to grandmother of four, Diana, she agrees that “kids are harder to parent these days”, saying they can’t be disciplined the way they used to.

“Even the kids know their parents can’t do that,” the 65-year-old added.

“I do think that with the increase in technology, it has made it harder; screen addiction for both parents and kids makes connection even harder.”

Mother of three, Jade, weighed in, telling news.com.au: “My parents tell me that I was never like this, and while I’d love to believe I was perfect, I think they have forgotten. I saw my parents differently from how my kids looked at me. They were ‘in charge’ and knew there was a punishment.”

She added: “My kids don’t have that worry. And while that is a comfort in some way, I wish my kids would respect my boundaries without me falling back into a disciplinarian role.”

Cancel culture meets the playground

Cancel culture and “wokeness” might serve as another explanation behind the generational divide.

At the same time, 78.4 per cent of Great Aussie Debate respondents say Australia has become “too woke”, citing rising social sensitivity, cancel culture, and political correctness as evidence that the country is losing its sense of resilience and freedom of expression.

The overlap between these two sentiments is striking: as views on parenting soften, backlash grows among those who feel traditional values like discipline, grit, and resilience are being replaced by hypersensitivity and fear of offence.

Many older Aussies argue that modern parenting is too soft, so where’s the balance? Picture: iStock

As parenting experts have shared, gentle parenting isn’t just about giving in all the time.

What should Millennial parents do if their parents are questioning the “new way” of parenting? Ms Muir has invaluable advice.

“I always say, start with ‘thank you’. And let me explain that. ‘Thank you so much. Like, I really appreciate, you know, that you’re here and you care. You are giving your opinion because you love us. And we love that you love us’,” she advised

“Because I think grandparents are really important, I also think they didn’t know what they didn’t know. So we’ve got to come from a place of compassion. But from there, if we start with thank you, I really appreciate that you care, and then we can tell them what would be helpful.”

Many older Aussies believe modern parenting is too soft, whether they’re nostalgic for “the good old days” or concerned about the future.

But critics of tough love argue that building emotionally intelligent kids is key to navigating today’s world — one that is very different from the one their parents grew up in.