Why are we still talking about this in 2015?

IT’S 2015, and Em Rusciano is sick of talking about this subject. If men had boobs it would be a whole different story.

Pictured at Broadbeach for the Big Latch On world record attempt for breastfeeding week where dozens expected to breastfeed at once. Veronica Llloyd's left breast and her baby Jacob Lloyd . Picture Mike Batterham

THREE months ago, Liberal MP Kelly O’Dwyer gave birth to her daughter Olivia. She’s already returned to parliament. But as most mothers of young babies do, if they can, she is still breastfeeding.

Kelly missed a couple of votes due to the fact that she was, you know, feeding her child. Scott Bucholtz, the Government Chief Whip, felt this was not acceptable so he kindly sent a note of “advice” via his office to Kelly, suggesting perhaps she could express MORE breast milk for Olivia to avoid her breast feeding interfering with her duties in the parliamentary chamber …

Oh man.

For those of you who have never breastfed, you get that a nursing mother’s boobs aren’t taps she controls via her mind yes? That she can’t just turn them off and on at her discretion, that they are completely autonomous and when they wish to spring a leak there is nothing she can do to stop them bar a pair of flimsy breast pads, which end up being completely superfluous anyway.

Up until recently, I really thought that went without saying, however since the governments chief whip clearly doesn’t understand that simple fact, I thought it best we all revisit it.

The other nifty thing about breastfeeding, is that it works on a supply and demand system. Pumping more milk will just produce, yep you guessed it, more milk! I also returned to work after three months with my second child. It’s not a fun thing to spend most of your time locked in a toilet pumping your knockers so that your chest doesn’t explode when the let-down reflex comes on. What is the let-down reflex? If something alerts your body that maybe some milk is required, you will releases hormones that draws your milk towards your milk stores behind your nipples. You’ll stat to get a hot tingle above your breasts or arm pits, then it branches out slowly over your chest until the sting hits your nipples and then BAM — milk!

So the question I ask Scott Bucholtz is: do you want Kelly sitting in the chamber with a chest ready to explode? I’d imagine she might be compelled to yank her saturated breast pads out and throw them at your head if that were the case. Do you want a breastmilk missile lunched at your noggin Mr chief whip?!

No, no you don’t.

It’s just a boob and a baby.

So we all agree, the theory of having Kelly just express “more” doesn’t really make sense.

The other thing is, breastfeeding is an important bonding time between Mother and child, one you don’t get back. I imagine Kelly doesn’t want to miss out on that either.

If only there was a set of rules that governed how MPs conduct themselves in the parliamentary chamber so that the chief Whip would have known how to deal with this very situation. A current standard if you will. OH WAIT THERE IS! It clearly states that Mothers who are breast feeding are given a proxy vote if they are not present due to the fact they are feeding their infant.

Scott didn’t bother to check these rules out, he said he was unaware. Look, to be fair the breastfeeding clause was only put in SEVEN YEARS ago so I get it.

Discriminating against women who are breastfeeding needs to stop. Seriously, it’s 2015, aren’t we past this by now?

Just imagine how things would be different if breastfeeding was a man’s job!

I feel like I’ve written a thousand articles on this topic, and I’m tired of it. It blows my mind that this is something we’re still talking about. And even if you’re in federal parliament you’re not immune to discrimination. It’s just a boob and a baby.

And let’s face it, if breastfeeding were a man’s job we would have first class boob lounges across the world, there would be velvet lined Jason recliners and flat screen TVs involved.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.