‘Theybie’ dad explains why he won’t give his kids a gender

A dad who refuses to assign a gender to his three children has revealed the reason for his controversial decision and how angry family members reacted.

A father has opened up about his decision to let his kids decide their own gender.

Christian says he always knew he was born in the wrong body and would express his gender dysphoria from as early as six years old.

The 30-year-old from Connecticut, USA, explained that as a child, he did not fully understand what being transgender meant but says he never felt right as a female.

While it was a difficult journey to come to that decision, Christian slowly began coming out as transgender in his early twenties and began taking testosterone in 2018.

“The first time I came out I was six years old,” Christian told news.com.au.

Christian is raising his kids without a gender. Picture: Supplied

“I told my best friend at the time, ‘I was supposed to be born a boy but something went wrong when I was in my mum’s tummy’.

“I didn’t know the word transgender yet. I called myself a tomboy and at recess when we played boys versus girls, I always asked to be included with the boys.

“It was not a light decision for me to medically transition. I worried a lot about the difficulties I’d face and what others in my life would think, especially those I was not out to yet.

“I knew this would not be an easy path, but I was depressed due to my gender dysphoria and couldn’t live life not being my true self anymore.”

He is happier than ever being a dad to his three children. Picture: Supplied

While he is now happier than ever after transitioning into his true self, the novelist knows first hand the damage that can arise from the pressure of having to conform to gender norms.

So when he went on to have his three children, Liam, 7, Laura, 5, and Teddy, 2, Christian says he knew he never wanted them to endure the same tribulations he did.

Instead of assuming their gender based on their physical sex, he wanted to let them decide – once they were old enough – if they were male or female.

In the meantime however, he would refer to his children with they/them pronouns rather than he/him or she/her.

He would also encourage them to be curious about both boy and girl toys, while also dressing them in unisex clothes with gender neutral colours.

This growing movement is known as raising a ‘theybie’, which is a play on the words “they” and “baby”.

Christian's two older kids chose their own gender when they were old enough. Picture: Supplied

“Your sex and your gender identity are two different things,” Christian said.

“It seemed wrong to say my child is a boy or a girl based on their genitalia. That’s not what makes you a boy or a girl.

“Gender is much more about how you feel inside yourself. I use they/them pronouns and a gender neutral nickname for my baby.

“I buy all kinds of toys, regardless of whether they are considered boy or girl toys.

“I dress my baby very gender neutral, but if they showed interest in dressing in a different way I would of course support them.”

The dad went on to reflect on his own experiences with his two older children, who he raised gender neutral until they confirmed to him what they were.

Christian doesn't correct people who assume his children's genders. Picture: Supplied

He says the most negative backlash is often from family members. Picture: Supplied

Christian is currently in that process with his two year old infant Teddy, who is currently referred to as they/them.

“There is a lot of research out there about this kind of thing,” he said.

“There are reports that as early as two years old people start to notice the differences between boys and girls.

“They say by age three or four, most kids can identify their gender. This seems to be true for my children.

“My son definitely knew by age four, and my daughter knew by age three. They have told me multiple times at those ages whether they are a boy or a girl.”

Christian has received negative backlash from some family members, as well as by mean-spirited trolls online.

“Most of the mean comments have actually come from transphobic family members,” he revealed.

“In public with strangers, I let them assume whatever gender they think my child is and I don’t correct them.

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He knew he was born into the wrong body from the age of six. Picture: Supplied

“Strangers don’t need to know what is in my child’s pants and I don’t have time to educate them on the matter. If I’m never going to see them again they can think what they want.

“Besides, it allows my child to essentially try on different pronouns and see which one feels right when they hear it.”

Despite some backlash, Christian stands by his actions, explaining the benefits of raising babies gender neutral and letting them decide if they are a boy or girl.

“It is great because my babies don’t feel pressured to conform to any certain gender role and they get to tell me who they are,” he explained.

“They don’t have to feel dysphoria caused by being raised as the wrong gender. They have so much freedom and develop a great sense of self.

Christian's daughter knew her gender when she three. Picture: Supplied

“They are secure in their own identity and don’t let any gender roles society put on them stop them from doing what they enjoy in life.

“I enjoy educating and spreading awareness. Representation is really important for other transgender people and transgender parents to know they aren’t alone.

“A lot of haters out there don’t want to be educated. They don’t believe being transgender is a real thing or that I chose it somehow instead of me being born this way.

“They believe I’m damaging my kids somehow or confusing them.

“But they are very happy, healthy and self-confident children who are growing up in a loving and supportive home.”