The best thing about Fergie’s ‘M.I.L.F. $’ video

IT’S fair to say that Fergie’s MILF video clip has raised a few eyebrows. But there’s one thing Em Rusciano keeps obsessing over.

Let’s just say there’s A LOT of milk in Fergie’s latest video.

YESTERDAY I watched an explosion of latex, breasts and a crap load of milk.

So much milk, all the milk, in all the crevices of the bodies of a group of powerful celebrity mothers.

What is the collective noun for a group of fierce famous milk covered mothers, you may ask? Well according to Fergie from the black eyed peas it’s M.I.L.F., and in this situation that notorious acronym stands for: Mothers I’d Like to FOLLOW.

Fergie released the film clip for her new song “M.I.L.F. $” (pronounced MILF money) earlier this week and let us just say, it has raised a few eyebrows. The video is set in “Milfville” which kind of looks like Pleasantville on an acid trip.

It opens with the “Milfman” driving through the candy coloured streets in his old fashioned milk truck (wait, should that be Milf truck?) first past supermodel Gemma Ward trimming an immaculate hedge.

The cameo by Australian supermodel Gemma Ward.

We then see Chrissy Teigen breastfeeding her actual newborn daughter Luna on a park bench.

Chrissy Teigan somehow making breastfeeding look sexy.

This causes the Milfman to drool ... Wait for it ... MILK, which was a little disconcerting but we’ll push on.

Yeah this is just weird.

Then we see Fergie Ferg appear from her house looking like she’s been into some heavy sedatives and we’re away — Oh I almost forget Kim Kardashian in a lactose shower wearing 789 inch gold platforms and a nude latex leotard!

Even Kimmy K gets in on the action.

HOWS THAT FOR A GOD DAMN MOTHERS GROUP Y’ALL?!

Here is the clip right now for you to experience in real time. I’ll await your return.

Before I push on can I just reassure those of you who have not yet breastfed that it is nowhere near that glamorous. The plastic bra Kimmy K is wearing would have chafed my cracked and bleeding nipples like no one’s business!

But moving past that, how do you feel about it?

I went through a sincere emotional journey with this video. At first my feminist hackles were up, I felt perhaps it was objectifying women and setting unrealistic standards for new mothers everywhere.

Then I started obsessing about the clean up. All that milk! I mean for anyone who has ever spilt dairy in their car and forgotten about it and not done a CSI level clean up YOU KNOW the stench that can follow, especially in the summer.

My 14-year-old (and known junior feminist) watched it with me and felt the same as I initially did.

“Mum that’s gross, other women are going to see that and think that’s what they should look like after having kids”

The cover art for Fergi’s single ‘M.I.L.F. $’ is just a little bit sexy. Picture: Interscope Records via AP

Look, she could be right, so I’m here today to tell you all that NO ONE expects you to look like those flawless women post birth, kay? Permission to eat carbs, chocolate and wear stretchy pants until your kid turns 21 granted right here and now by me to you.

Then I chatted with her some more about it and said, “Yes that is one way to look at it OR we could look at it as a group of strong women empowering ladies and challenging stereotypes.”

You see it’s not often that mothers get portrayed as ferocious sexual beings. I applaud the new direction that Fergie has taken, in fact I encourage it!

I for one would rather the brightly coloured pants with black g-banger over the top, cropped silky jacket and mad bling bling than the white ironed shirts, dead eyed smiles and sensible slacks that we currently get.

When was the last time you saw a group of mums portrayed like this?

Sure this is going 180 degrees in the opposite direction of the current way mothers are portrayed in the media and many of us would simply not behave in this way because of the mess afterwards (I know keep going on about it but really, have you ever seen so much milk?!) but deep inside me I’d like to think I could if I really wanted to.

I liked seeing all these ladies in their finery, celebrating the fact that they gave life, sustenance and make sweet sweet cash as well. Who are we to shit on their self appreciation parade?!

I’ll leave the last word to Fergie, shall I?

I’ve been whippin’ this up

I’ve been tippin’ this cup

I’ve been waiting my turn

I’ve been working so hard

Got my spirit turnt up

And I can’t stop now

I’ve been running so long

I been vibing so strong

I want it, I need it, I got it for real

I love it, real woman

I’ll feed you this meal

Hey mama, I did it, the top of the hill

Been a minute, don’t forget it, motherf$%e$r I’m ill

YEAH! (‘Turnt’ is a good thing, yes?!)

Either way, I get the spirit of what she’s saying and I love it.

Good on your Fergie.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Facebook.