Em Rusciano: This Facebook complaint letter is next-level mean

WHOEVER said mean girls were only around in high school? A mum has been sent a letter that takes whining to the next level for the pettiest reason.

Do you have a friend on Facebook who baby spams you?

Their kid’s bowels move and produce something that resembles Jesus in their nappy and BAM: new profile pic (I’d like to say I made that particular example up, I’d like to say that).

All day, every day, they’re relentless in showing online love for their child through frequent photos, anecdotes and humble brags on the Book of Face. The kid ends up being the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning.

Yes? You can think of that very person now?! Terrific!

Ever thought about getting together a group of pals and writing a savage, anonymous letter, just to let them know how much they’re pissing you off?

Clutch your pearls friends, this one could get woolly.

A lady I know through my Facebook page shared a letter with me that she’d received from some “friends” that covered the topic of oversharing.

Are you ready?

Here it is:

Say what?

This caused an abrupt coffee put down at my house. I leaned forward, eyes wide in amazement/horror, re-read it 10 times (I wanted to turn away but all I could do was soak in its bitchy glory) and marvelled that this was a thing that happened.

Let’s pause to reflect on the note for a moment shall we?

1. There was no gentle ease in, they really came in dry: “A few of us girls BOOM PEW PEW PEW — WE DON’T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

2. No one has ever given less of a f*** about children’s fashion than the writer of this letter: “She wears a new outfit — well take a photo and send it PRIVATELY to the person who gave it to her. Not to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

3. This person clearly needs to lay off the exclamation points. Are they laughing maniacally while they type them? It seems that way.

There are no rules here. Forget the World Wide Web, this is the god damn Wild Wild West.

She copped a drive by lettering plain and simple.

My initial reaction was: “That is some Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls, burn book, on Wednesdays we only wear pink bullsh**.”

Although before we get all high and mighty I’m sure that most of us have been guilty of some light fitching (Facebook bitching) from time to time. I have one “friend” who loves to post about how many men hit on her each day and another who uses the word “mentor” in a non-ironic fashion. You best believe that I’ve engaged in some serious eye rolling, to claim anything else would be untrue. Although to type and print (let’s not overlook that part, who prints anything in 2015? Who can afford the ink?!) an anonymous letter that picks apart a friend’s Facey habits — is some next-level behaviour y’all.

It’s not like she busted into their houses armed with life-size portraits of her child dressed as a tiny adorable pumpkin and demand that they be hung on every wall. Obviously in some people’s opinion she’s been overdoing it on the proud mother moments. Annoying, yes. Worthy of an anonymous poison pen situation, no.

For me it also brought up the question: would I want to know if I was aggravating my friends on social media? Yes, I think I probably would. How would I want to find that information out? Not like this! There is a way to have a gentle conversation with someone you feel is overstepping the mark on social media that doesn’t cut them off at the knees. You could perhaps phone them up and say: “Babes, enough with the pictures. I love you, I do, but how about we pull it back to 15 a day?” LOLZ everyone laughs, oh how we laugh, we’re all still good friends, end scene.

Also, why didn’t “the girls” just unfollow Jade on Facebook? Lord knows I almost strained a finger doing just that to anyone who used the words “Bonds Baby Search” in their status update last month. It’s a harmless way to un-involve yourself with someone’s feed while everyone’s feelings remain intact.

This letter also covered the Holy Trinity of anxiety for me. It attacked her mothering, her self-perspective and probably left her feeling as though all her friends had turned on her. It honestly doesn’t feel as though “the girls” just wanted Jade to change a particular behaviour, it feels as though they wanted her to feel crap about herself.

If this were me I would have felt ambushed, alone and obsessed with finding out who “the girls” actually were so I may understand their motivation better (Read: defend my honour to the death).

Now listen, I don’t want this to become about attacking the people who wrote the letter. That would be counterproductive. Instead I think we should all just agree that a simple conversation in this particular situation would’ve saved a lot of heartache.

The other lesson is that perhaps we could all be a little more self-aware when it comes to social media and the things we’re putting out there. Like the time I wore that see-through black dress on a red carpet and my huge, post breastfeeding, fighter pilot thumb nipples, were on full display.

More self awareness needed Em.

MORE SELF AWARENESS NEEDED EM.

Now let’s all hold hands and watch the theme song from the Golden Girls.

Em Rusciano is a comedian, writer, singer and regular news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.