I refuse to throw my three-year-old a birthday party - he won't remember it

"It's just an excuse for selfish adults to have a party at the expense of their child," the dad argues.

A dad has gone viral for the wrong reasons when he admitted that he "doesn't see the point" of throwing a birthday party for his three-year-old.

The man posted to a popular forum, known for debating dilemmas like these and asked if he was in the wrong. 

The thread has gained mixed reactions from fellow members, with some agreeing that throwing parties for a toddler is not worth the time, money or effort, while most people believe that it's important to create these memories anyway. 

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"I think we should wait until he's six or seven". Image: IStock.

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"My mum says I'm depriving him of a childhood"

In the post, the dad explained that his girlfriend has asked to throw their son a party every year for his birthday, but he always pushes back.

For his kid's first and second birthdays, he's managed to convince her just to have a lowkey get-together with family with some cake.

But for their son's third birthday, she's insisting again to throw him a bigger party. 

He explains, "I said that it is ridiculous to have such big parties for toddlers, they will not remember anything.

"For example, when I was two, my family threw me a huge birthday party, the theme was Toy Story, which had just come out. I have no recollection of it, just some VHS tapes of me looking stupid in a Woody costume.

"[I think parties for toddlers] are an excuse for adults to have a party at the expense of the toddler who won't remember it. It's a selfish reason."

But his girlfriend insists that it's for the sake of future memories.

"She said it doesn't matter because there will be lots of people taking pictures and he can just see them when he gets older. I told her again that it would just be having fun at his expense, the little guy is a heavy sleeper who plays and runs for 30 minutes and then falls asleep on a sofa or a chair or his bed," he says.

The dad believes that young children, like his toddler, shouldn't have birthday parties until they're at least "six or seven" when "they can actually remember."

But his girlfriend remained firm, so the man reached out to both her mum and his own mum, hoping for some backup. He didn't get it.

"I tried talking to her mum to see if she could talk some sense into her, only to be verbally slammed by her, telling me I'm depriving my child of a childhood.

"My mum says I should just do what my girlfriend says because dad's word is not that important and I should know my place as a father."

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"So you shouldn't do anything fun with your kids until they're old enough to remember?"

Group members were quick to weigh in with their thoughts, with most people calling him out for being harsh. 

In one of the top comments, one user pointed out: "So you shouldn’t do anything fun with your kids until they’re old enough to remember? Why bring them to the park? Why read them books? Why watch movies with them? Why do anything fun at all until they can have a memory of it? Do you see how stupid that sounds?"

And another agreed that your kid's memory of their childhood (or lack thereof), isn't a reason to withhold doing fun things with your kids. 

"I HATE when people say the child 'won’t remember it'. Does it matter, or is it if he has fun? Yes, he can do other things to have fun, but as long as he could enjoy it who cares! And it shouldn’t be what you will 'allow'. If you guys can’t afford it or another logical reason to not throw a huge party I get that, but just because you 'say so'?" they said.

Another replied: "You got your way for two years - if she likes planning events like these, you should not take it away from her. Some day you might regret not having those cute pictures to share. For now, you kind of just sound like you are close-minded to what she wants to do for her child. And, going behind her back to talk to her mum (to try to get your way) is a real jerk move."

Then this person commented: "Am I missing how you are in any way inconvenienced? You don't remember your Toy Story bday, but your parents probably do. Maybe they don't look back on the videos now, but they may have when you were younger, my parents did. My mum implored me to take every video/picture I possibly could of my kid and to save them.

"You've poo-pooed your GF desires for two years. She gets this. It would be one thing if she was asking you to do a million things. She just wants to do what gives her joy for her child. Not only should you have already backed off, you certainly should not have tried to rally family/friends against her."

"Everyone is making sweeping generalisations"

Amongst the naysayers, a few people did side with the dad.

One person said: "I read people's points about ‘why do anything for a young kid, they won't remember?’ Sweeping generalisations...LOL. Really, having parties for a young kid is just about having a great reason to get family and friends together and celebrate another year of making it through as a parent. Also to take cute pics that the kid can see later since they won't remember."

Another wrote, "I agree with you that they're often just a waste of time and money, and the kid doesn't even remember it a year later, let alone when they're older."

This story was published in April 2023 and updated in July 2023.

Originally published as I refuse to throw my three-year-old a birthday party - he won't remember it