Three reasons parents and their millenial or Gen Z kids don’t talk

Half of parents of 16 to 30-year-olds are uncomfortable talking to their children about their wellbeing, although a third want to. This is why they don’t.

Pride, trust issues and a fear of judgment are preventing Australian families from talking more about mental health, new research has found.

Half of parents of 16 to 30-year-olds are uncomfortable talking to their children about their wellbeing, although a third want to.

Worryingly, younger people found it even harder to communicate, with 62 per cent of respondents unable to confide in older family members.

The next phase of News Corp Australia’s Can We Talk? campaign launching today, in partnership with Medibank, will focus on how families can support each other with mental health challenges.

The new research, by New Corp’s Growth Distillery with Medibank, has exposed the intergenerational barriers holding families back from supporting each other.

It found families often lacked the tools, language and “mental health literacy” to communicate. Young people were most concerned about negative responses.

It calls on parents to take the lead and spark conversations around mental health in a casual, empathetic way.

Parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson said asking for “consent” before raising a tough topic or sharing advice could be a “gamechanger”.

“Asking for consent seems like a small thing, but can change a conversation drastically,” he said. “What I find helpful with my daughter is to say, ‘I’ve noticed this happening with you’, and then, ‘I have some ideas that could help if you’re interested. If you’re not, that’s totally fine’.

Justin Couslon has given useful tips that he says can be a ‘gamechanger’. Picture Lachie Millard

“Or if you are the one opening up, start by asking if someone can just listen.”

The father-of-six, and R U OK? ambassador, said there were many reasons why people felt reluctant to share issues with family members. Younger people often worried that a parent would interfere, judge them or deliver a lecture.

On the flip side, parents may fear being seen as a “failure”, or want to avoid using their children as “therapists”.

But he said positive communication across generations in families helped build connection.

“We need to equip families to talk about these topics because many struggle,” he said.

“The more we communicate with each other, the more we can develop trust, be vulnerable and sense when someone’s okay or not. It’s important to be intentional about these conversations because if you are staring at a screen and not each other, it’s hard to pick up when someone needs help.”

Half of parents of Gen Zs and Millenials are uncomfortable talking about their wellbeing.

The Growth Distillery research found all topics were harder to talk about with someone in a different generation.

But relationship issues topped the list, with more than half reluctant to share across age groups, followed by social pressures (52 per cent) and stress (49 per cent).

Relationships Australia CEO Elisabeth Shaw said research showed 18 to 25-year-olds were one of the loneliest groups, and it was important they had someone “safe” to talk to, whether it was a family member or not.

“Knowing that in their darkest times, young people have someone to talk to, is a huge protective factor for mental health and suicide,” she said.

“But if they feel shut down, dismissed or ridiculed by family, or if there’s disinterest, then that hurts more than if it were a casual acquaintance.

“What’s important is to talk to somebody who is trustworthy and open to your experience.”

She said in many ways, today’s young people had more in common with their parents than ever before, such as social media use, online dating and multiple romantic relationships.

“The clash happens when the younger generation feels shut down and misunderstood. A way to take that into account is to enter their world, rather than taking the approach of: ‘Do it my way and follow my recommendations’.”

Originally published as Three reasons parents and their millenial or Gen Z kids don’t talk