What not to say to someone suffering from anxiety

When Camille Wilson was hungover, she decided to get KFC in the city. It led to a two-hour ordeal she had to go through on her own.

There’s one moment that sticks out for Camille Wilson during the height of her anxiety illness for no particularly good reason.

“One person said, ‘You should just go painting,’” she recalls.

“I remember thinking, you’re an arsehole, you have no idea.

“Disregarding it and saying you’re fine is a big trigger point.”

Ms Wilson has collected a fair tally of disrespectful moments, having suffered her first bout of severe depression when she was 16.

Now 27, Ms Wilson is no longer on medication, but it took a long while to get to that point.

At the end of 2016, life was going well for the human resources worker.

She had a good job, was successful, exercising, eating well — she “had everything”.

“I was clearly an anxious person, I never thought I was good enough, never considered I would be good enough,” she says.

“I just spent every day criticising myself and I had no idea it was a problem.”

Camille Wilson had a severe panic attack in 2016.

Camille’s partner has been a great support for her.

But it became a problem during one seemingly harmless day when a hungover Ms Wilson went to Pitt St Mall in Sydney to get some KFC and had a two-hour panic attack.

“My eyes went really white and I started freaking out about what was happening,” she says.

“I thought maybe it was my blood pressure and then the panic started.

“I remember every physical function going hyper. No one had any idea what I was going through. That was the hardest part, just standing there alone going through this bizarre scenario.”

News.com.au is this month raising awareness of good mental health as part of its campaign Let’s Make Some Noise. We are highlighting the issue of anxiety and its cost to employers, the community, families and sufferers in support of Beyond Blue.

Ms Wilson, who now runs Grow Together Now to reimagine mental health in the workplace, says that because anxiety is such a hard illness for people to understand, often they don’t get their response right.

“The biggest one, and it’s a silly one, is (saying) ‘it will be fine’,” she says.

“Someone with so much anxiety running through their veins, no matter how many times you say it, I’m not going to believe you.

“It’s little things like people will ask you something and they’re looking at their watch.

“Just be a human and not try and solve the problem or glaze over it. It’s just to get the fact that person is going through something and you might not understand but all they need to do is get you grounded again.”

RELATED: Feeling anxious? Here’s what you can do

Ms Wilson now raises awareness for mental health with her business Grow Together Now.

Ms Wilson is also Neuroscience Research Australia’s (NeuRA) Colour Your Hair for Mental Health ambassador, raising awareness for mental health and research.

NeuRA’s Dr Justine Gatt, who works in the centre’s Resilience Research Lab, says instead of providing avoidant or dismissive comments to someone with anxiety, offer compassionate solutions.

“Rather than making the person feel dismissed or as if their problems are unimportant, these compassionate solutions provide unconditional support,” she says,

“They make the person feel heard and understood, and that they have someone who is willing to help them in whichever way preferred.

“When we see someone anxious and tense, it is often our natural inclination to tell them things that you feel will help them take their mind off their problem as we want to appease them from their stress. But when someone is anxious, all they can do is panic and worry about the problem.”

AVOID SAYING THIS TO AN ANXIOUS PERSON

• “Just relax”

• “Don’t panic”

• “Stop worrying about it”

• “Everyone gets stressed”

• “It will work itself out”

• “It’s all in your head”

TRY SAYING THIS INSTEAD

• “What can I do to help you right now?”

• “I’m here for you if you want to talk”

• “Do you want me to come over?”

• “Do you want me to listen to you or do you want advice?”

• “Would you prefer I stay with you or would you prefer to be alone?”

RELATED: Everyday signs you could have anxiety

Dr Justine Gatt says people should avoid saying things like ‘just relax’.

“How we each like to handle our anxiety can vary. Some people want advice, others want a hug and emotional support, and some of us just want to be left alone,” Dr Gatt says.

“By asking how you can help provides a better form of support as it doesn’t rely on the assumption that you know how to help them.

“However, with these strategies it’s important that you are also mindful of the fine line between providing support versus overextending your supportive capacity. It shouldn’t get to the point where you feel you need to drop everything in your life to be there for your person every time they call.”

Dr Gatt says avoid offering people long-term solutions and instead help them with something they can use in the moment like deep breathing or mindfulness.