Feeling sad at Christmas time? You’re not alone

CHRISTMAS is supposed to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’. But for many this month can be lonely and isolating.

Sad at Christmas time? You’re not alone

IS ANYONE else a little sad this time of year? You’re not alone.

A lot of people will spend Christmas day in an untraditional way and you may consider yourself one of them. Oh, Christmas. The song made famous by Andy Williams says, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”. Or is it?

For many of us it’s also an emotionally charged time, one that brings a great deal of stress, anxiety and sorrow to both our hearts and our homes.

Surviving the festive season has become a bit of an art for me over the years from having divorced parents in my youth, to living overseas from age 18, to losing a parent too soon, to my own early divorce, to finally settling in the USA (where it’s just my husband and I).

Feelings of nostalgia bubble up from Christmas’ past and there is no denying that December makes me wistful and sentimental.

Not only is there pressure to enjoy a merry Christmas, but there’s also the reflection that comes with the close of the year — the remembrance of the hope and expectation it began with. We feel contemplative and more sensitive.

This is amplified by the sadness of being alone or by spending time with members of our family that put us on edge (out of festive obligation). The Christmas spirit is meant to unite but oftentimes the reunion isn’t like the movies. Sometimes we are alone or around people who bring out the worst in us.

As a life coach, December is a particularly busy month for me — for clients all over the world. Christmas melancholy does not discriminate! It can actually be the most distressing time of the year (sorry, Andy Williams).

If, like me, you sometimes struggle with Christmas, here are my top seven tips for surviving this season:

1. Indulge a little!

One year when I was alone and had very little money I treated myself to my favourite glossy magazine and took it to the beach. I was lucky enough to be living in Sydney during the beautiful summer season. I was so thankful and happy to be in Australia!

2. Allow yourself to experience some longing.

We are human and Christmas naturally promotes a heightened emotional state. Acknowledge this, honour it, and understand that this day you may feel a little low. When you embrace it, it helps release it. A distraction like a good movie (a comedy!) or an engrossing book helps take our minds off being lonely or among family tension.

3. Celebrate on a different date.

Obviously airlines take advantage of this busy travel time and charge premium end of year prices. We can’t all afford to be where we want on Christmas day. So if you want a get-together with loved ones, commit to come together on another date. Why not celebrate on Jan 25th for example? You can get discounted presents this way too! I typically celebrate earlier in the month — I started this article in the UK as I visit my mum mid-December before the mad flight rush.

4. Invite another lonely person over.

You can offer to cook, or share the load and do it together. A girl I know in the USA just spent Thanksgiving with another yoga enthusiast that she met the week before in class (both are pretty new to Manhattan). They made vegetable pizza and drank champagne and a new friendship was formed. Don’t underestimate the power of a little initiative!

5. Be the light for someone else.

Do something nice for someone you know (or even someone you don’t). Most neighbourhoods have a local church and you can ask how you can volunteer your time somehow. Or you can give someone a call that you know is lonely. Making it less about you always works — in more ways than one. Giving to another person is the quickest and most lasting shortcut to happiness. Win-win.

6. Don’t compare.

Across the world millions of people have different circumstances — some are sick, some are feuding with others, some people don’t have enough (or any) food. Let this give you some perspective and don’t judge your circumstances by Hollywood’s holiday films or your seemingly perfect neighbour’s family. Just let it be whatever it is for you this year. You also don’t need to justify your day to anyone. “My Christmas was nice and quiet” is typically my answer when asked about it. Enough said.

7. Don’t over think it.

There is no right or wrong way to spend Christmas. After all, its just 24 hours. It will be over tomorrow and all the focus will be on the Boxing Day sales. In a week you can start to concern yourself with all the “new year, new you” pressure to look forward to (!!)

Think — without the holidays there would be no pause from our busy lives. Every year would be just like a long journey without stops. I use the quiet time to daydream. I dream about happy childhood moments — snow, my belief in Santa, playing scrabble with my dad. I had an ‘aha!’ moment 5 years ago when my husband and I were celebrating Christmas at a New York diner (we had pretty much just landed in the country to work). Maybe we should have been feeling sorry for ourselves with our solitary, unimpressive lunch and empty apartment. But we both felt OK — we spent the time telling each other our old family Christmas stories. Re-living memories is like re-entering a lovely dream. Writing this even transports me right back to that sweet little lunch.

It was around that time that I finally understood. It’s the spirit that counts — the love and the gratitude that we feel towards the people in our life — no matter where they are. Neither of these things revolves around a date. The day itself is just a reminder to enjoy them. Christmas is not the turkey, the guests, the tree. Christmas is internal. We can carry it anywhere we go and it can be celebrated every day of the year.

I write this from London’s Heathrow Airport having just said goodbye to my mum. I am not sure when exactly I will see her again. As I wait to board I am sitting surrounded by Christmas lights and Bing Crosby is singing, “I’ll be home for Christmas” on a nearby speaker. When I said goodbye to my mum at the gate I know she wanted to cry but instead she was smiling so that I would not be sad. I smiled too. After years of separation, our souls now recognise this farewell reflection. And even though the fates don’t allow, I know I’ll still be home for Christmas this year. With my mother and my father. Even if it’s only in my dreams.

Susie Moore is a life coach. Follow her on Twitter @susiemoore.