‘Why am I so anxious about my Christmas party?’

Work Christmas parties are in full swing but there’s a secret fear enveloping the fun – and it’s all too common.

Common ‘irrational fear’ after work Christmas party. Picture: Unsplash

The lead-up to Christmas can be one of the most stressful times of year, particularly if you get anxious socialising.

But what is social anxiety? Clinical psychologist Dr Rebecca Ray – known as Dr Beck – helps a reader unlock why they may feel so anxious during silly season.

Question: Dear Dr Beck, I’m finding the Christmas season is making me so anxious. There are so many events but the idea of parties with big groups of people sends me spiralling.

Ever since Covid, I’ve loved working from home, and I barely know the people I work with anymore – now I’m expected to party with them. How does a socially anxious person manage this (very) social season? – Emma, WA

Answer: You’re not alone. The festive season can feel overwhelming to even the most prosocial of people.

There’s a difference between social anxiety and introversion, and it’s important we clarify that difference when considering how to manage a busy social season.

Am I socially anxious or an introvert – or both?

Social anxiety occurs when someone experiences an irrational fear of being judged, embarrassed or humiliated in social situations, and therefore avoids socialising to ease their anxiety.

Social anxiety can be heightened in the lead-up to Christmas. Picture: Unsplash

Introversion refers to someone’s social energy identity, that is, how their energy is used and replenished. An introvert is not always someone who is ‘shy’ or socially anxious. They are someone whose energy is drained by socialising and replenished by time alone. Many introverts enjoy socialising as long as they have adequate ‘recovery’ time. On the other hand, people who are socially anxious generally find socialising difficult because of the emotional stress they experience.

If you fall into the socially anxious category, it’s worth remembering that avoidance usually exacerbates fear. Therapy can be incredibly successful for treating social anxiety, but if that’s unavailable to you right now (I get it, the cost of living is hitting everywhere), there are three things that can be helpful:

It’s not about you: When your mind is attempting to convince you that everyone is looking at and judging you, remember that humans are always most interested in themselves.

Support person: Choose just a few events that are most meaningful to you and take a support person with you.

Allocate a support person if you get social anxiety. Picture: Unsplash

Breathe through it: Set a time limit beforehand for how long you’ll stay, and then focus on slowing your breathing down while you’re there. This helps to reverse anxiety triggered by the fight/flight response.

If you fall into the introverted category, say ‘yes’ to invitations based on how much charge you have in your social batteries, and remember to plan down time to recover from social events to replenish those batteries. Without enough alone time to decompress from your social activities, we both know you’ll end up grumpy and frustrated and not the most fun to be around (it’s me, hi, I’m the introverted problem!).

The festive season is stressful enough as it is. Please don’t add even more stress to your shoulders by pushing yourself beyond your limits. You’re allowed to say no to invitations when you don’t have the resources available for them, just don’t let anxiety call the shots!

Got a question? Send a direct message to Dr Beck on Instagram

Dr Beck is a clinical psychologist who has dedicated her career to helping individuals reshape their experiences and unlock their full potential. She is the author of six self-help books | @drrebeccaray