Not Alone: Aussie’s message to those struggling with mental health

Oscar has always been the energetic, outgoing one in his social group, but his smile and jokes were hiding a secret that almost destroyed him.

To his friends and family, Oscar Thorburn was always known as the really energetic, outgoing, class-clown type of person, but his infectious smile and jokes were hiding a terrible secret that no one knew.

For almost 12 years, he struggled with depression but, like many other Aussies, he felt he couldn’t speak about it and avoided reaching out for help.

Mental health and suicide are not easy subjects to talk about, but news.com.au wants you to know you’re Not Alone. News.com.au’s Not Alone will raise awareness about these issues and provide you with the resources needed to reach out for help.

As the years went on, the situation got progressively worse and there were some points where he almost lost his battle.

Oscar attributes surviving that period in his life to getting professional help, talking to friends and realising that depression and mental health issues weren’t something to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

This picture was taken during one of the times when Oscar (right) was struggling, though he would put on a brave face in front of friends and family. Picture: Oscar Thorburn/Instagram

During his late teenage years and 20s, Oscar said it would have been rare to see him outside without a smile on his face, joking around with his mates or trying to make people laugh.

“What they didn’t know is that for years I had daily thoughts of ending my life. As selfish as I knew it was, and as hard as I tried to block out those thoughts, It ended up being overwhelming and very nearly consumed me,” he told news.com.au.

The 31-year-old has struggled with depression from the age of 15, though it wasn’t until his early 20s when he knew it was “becoming a real problem”.

“I felt society expected happiness and felt like I had to put on a brave face and act tough growing up because I really had no idea what depression actually was, and how common it is,” he said.

Oscar has experienced what he describes as two “close calls” with acting on his suicidal thoughts, with the most serious occurring in 2018.

“I reached breaking point, and started making plans. I wrote letters to my family and friends, and gave myself a month to get my affairs in order and try to spend a bit of time with people I cared about,” he said.

But about a week later, after suffering multiple terrible sleepless nights, he felt like he couldn’t wait.

“I laid there for a bit and was waiting for something to click in my head to talk me out of it,” Oscar said.

“The moment that saved my life was I pictured myself at my own funeral, and the damage it would have done to my loved ones.

“I broke down in a heap and was mortified. It was like I wasn’t in control and had no idea how I could have gotten to that point.

“A couple of days later I was back at uni running around at footy training cracking jokes and laughing like nothing had happen, and no one had a clue what I was going through behind closed doors.”

During his time at Charles Sturt University in Bathurst, Oscar joined the Mitchell Mungoes Rugby League Club, a community he praises as one of his major support networks when he was struggling.

‘It was like I wasn’t in control and had no idea how I could have gotten to that point.’

He said one of the most important decisions he made was to write a “life-changing” letter to the club opening up about his struggles and his experiences over the past few years.

Earlier this year, he also shared that letter to social media in a bid to let others know that they aren’t alone and to encourage them to reach out if they are struggling.

“There were a couple of reasons why I shared my story, the first was I felt I needed to tell someone but was more comfortable sharing it in writing,” he said.

“The main reason for sharing was because I had started to get help and was feeling a lot better in myself at the time of writing it. I was able to worry less about me and turn my focus on something that really scared me – not knowing if any of my friends were going through similar things and putting on the brave face.

“If I could cover my emotions so well, then I was sure I wouldn’t have been the only one.”

Oscar said one of the most “scary” things about writing the letter was that within a day he had received about 10 messages from friends saying they had also been struggling.

He said, while he would never want to go back to that time in his life when he was at his lowest, those experiences put a lot of things into perspective for him, including highlighting how dangerous and common mental health struggles are.

Getting professional help was also another major factor in getting into a better headspace.

“If you feel you can’t be convinced to talk to your friends or family, go and talk to your GP, and be open to medication or therapy,” Oscar said when asked what advice he would give to other people who may be struggling.

“After being pretty strongly against antidepressants, I went on medication and felt 10 times better after a few days.”

Focusing on his hobbies of football and music was another thing he found really useful.

“As well as telling people about my struggles, one thing that has helped massively is writing music. If I didn’t go through those tough times I wouldn’t have ever properly explored my talents, and have been so lucky with musical opportunities that have really given me a huge encouragement in what I can achieve in life,” he said.

Oscar Thorburn has shared his experience battling mental health. Picture: Oscar Thorburn/Instagram

Speaking from his experience, Oscar said it can sometimes feel impossible for people who are in a dark place to reach out, which is why it is so important for everyone to check in on their friends and family regularly.

“Make sure they are doing okay, ask them how their really feeling, and if you are worried about someone don’t sit back and wait for them to tell you first,” he said.

“Mental health is everyone’s business, not just the person going through it.”