Mum opens up about her children’s mental health struggles

A mum has opened up about her children’s struggles with mental health and the note her son wrote that no parent should have to read.

No parent thinks they will hear their eight-year-old child say they want to die. They also never expect to find themselves in a hospital room just a few years later listening to their child describe, without emotion, how they planned to end their life.

Jessica Bourke, 37, could never have anticipated she would find herself in this situation.

The mum-of-four from Mackay, Queensland, told news.com.au that hearing your child say those words is not something you could ever be prepared for.

“Tyson first said he wanted to kill himself when he was eight. He has told me many times during the middle of meltdowns that he hates me. I have been hearing it so long that I have become numb to it,” she said.

“Tyson has been bullied his entire school life, which came to a head in Year 7. He has been on medication for anxiety, depression and PTSD as a result of bullying, which started in Year 1.”

Mental health and suicide are not easy subjects to talk about, but news.com.au wants you to know you’re Not Alone. News.com.au’s Not Alone will raise awareness about these issues and provide you with the resources needed to reach out for help.

Ms Bourke said the continual bullying had a major impact on Tyson’s mental health. She and her partner tried for years to get their son professional help, though they found their concerns were continually brushed aside, with his behaviour branded “just a phase”.

Tyson had just turned 12 when he attempted suicide.

“On the day of the attempt, my husband caught him thankfully before he was able to do much,” Ms Bourke said, adding he was found in bushland near their home.

Tyson had also left his parents a very graphic letter explaining his intentions.

“It was in-depth, dark stuff that most people wouldn’t want to read from anyone, let alone your little baby,” Ms Bourke said.

Tyson was discovered before he had harmed himself, but his parents were advised to still take him to the hospital.

Ms Bourke said she had to leave the room while Tyson was describing what had happened.

“He had no expression on his face and was sitting there saying I want to kill myself. I had to leave because I couldn’t hear it anymore,” she said.

Tyson was then referred to the Child and Youth Mental Health Services in Mackay where he would go every week for counselling sessions.

Jessica Bourke and her family live in Mackay, Queensland. Picture: Jessica Bourke

‘I was chosen to be his mum’

Now, at 15, Tyson still experiences good and bad days, though Ms Bourke said the counselling sessions have helped him through some of his darkest moments.

“This year, Year 10, has been less chaotic and hectic with him but it is still at the back of your head all the time. If he has had a bad day you don’t sleep, you check his bed and put anything that could be seen as a weapon away,” she said.

“I just see it as a part of being his mum. I am not overly religious or anything, but at the end of the day as far as I am concerned, I was chosen to be his mum and there is a reason for that. We feel lucky to have him as our kid and that is what we say to him.”

Ms Bourke said her son Jayden, 11, is now also dealing with suicidal thoughts.

“Now that my 11-year-old son, Jayden, is struggling with mental health, Tyson wants to help him out. He has been encouraging him to talk to him about what is going on,” she said.

Child and Youth Mental Health Services are also helping Jayden, who his mum says has been suicidal since April.

Ms Bourke said his mental health decline is partly due to bullying at his football club and partly the result of peer pressure from a group of girls to do “sexual things” with his girlfriend with whom he had only ever held hands.

“The problem I have with him is he won’t stand up to these girls. It is just constant peer pressure to kiss her and do sexual things he isn’t comfortable with,” she said.

“He went on a school camp and he cried the first night because he was feeling so much pressure from these girls.”

Ms Bourke said she has access to all of her children’s phones and that his how she found out Jayden had been feeling suicidal because he had spoken to friends about it.

Things reached a head in early August when there was an incident at school where Jayden had self-harmed and later made comments about suicide.

“Jayden is our third child. He is the polar opposite of Tyson and in a way that is scarier for me as a parent. He is popular, sports mad and gives everything a crack,” Ms Bourke said.

“Now his mental health has declined from the pressures he is experiencing. I have an 11-year-old child who should be living his best life but he is instead contemplating how to kill himself.”

Two of Ms Bourke’s son’s have suffered with suicidal thoughts. Picture: Robert Pozo/AAP

‘Don’t stop fighting for them’

Ms Bourke said her advice to other parents who may be in a similar situation is not to think they have failed their children.

“Don’t think you are failing as a parent because you are not. Don’t stop fighting for them because if you do no one else is going to fight for them,” she said.

“The child you have has been given to you for a reason and you have only been given what you are strong enough to handle.”

Ms Bourke believes the conversation around mental health needs to be more open and children need to know its OK to reach out for help when they are struggling.

“People keep saying ‘I hope they get better soon’, but the reality is mental health is for life.

“I am a massive mental health advocate, it’s not shameful. It is OK to not be OK but we need to be able to work out ways of how we can function in life and society.

“My job as a parent is to make sure when my son is in his 30s he can function in society and even if he has a bad day, he knows how to deal with it.”