Five signs that you could be a narcissist

An Australian psychologist has revealed the five chilling behaviours of a real life narcissist – and explained why they could be dangerous.

People with the disorder often display a distinct set of behaviours.

We’ve all heard the term ‘narcissist’ thrown around in our favourite Hollywood movies and drama-filled reality shows – but what on earth does it really mean?

And more importantly, what does it look like in real life?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinically diagnosed mental health issue that goes beyond a person simply being self-absorbed, vain or conceited.

Many also assume that the words ‘selfish’ and ‘narcissistic’ are interchangeable, however the two are distinctly different – albeit somewhat related.

Psychologist Carly Dober explained to news.com.au that the manifestation and use of the word ‘narcissist’ in popular culture is usually starkly different to the reality.

“I am seeing the term being used to describe people or situations when it is not actually accurate,” she said.

“Often the real reason they’ve acted in this way might be very benign. They may just be experiencing tiredness, stress, hunger or other physical or mental health conditions.

The term “narcissist” has been thrown around in popular culture. Picture: iStock

“If someone is mean to you, you don’t like them, they don’t like you, or they are a bit into themselves on social media, this doesn’t mean they’re a narcissist.

“Your ex partner might have treated you poorly, but to call them that without a confirmed diagnosis can be damaging. Also, trying to diagnose yourself or someone else with some information pooled from the internet may give you a misleading picture.”

While people with this disorder can be portrayed as simply being wild egomaniacs that can be difficult to have friendships and relationships with, the frightening truth is that true diagnosed narcissists can be dangerous.

“It is definitely more nuanced than just being obsessed with yourself,” Ms Dober revealed.

“Narcissism as a trait exists on a spectrum, and everyone might have fluctuating levels of this trait at the lower end of the bell curve.

“Other people may show higher levels of the trait, but it does not impact their lives and their overall functioning.

“Narcissists can be dangerous as friends or partners, only because they are often unaware of the impact their behaviour has on other people.

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The disorder is more than just being obsessed with yourself. Picture: Mean Girls / Paramount Pictures

“Over time and with repeated poor interpersonal relationship skills, their loved ones might distance themselves or sever the relationship completely if they’ve felt unsupported, attacked, belittled, and humiliated by the person.

“The psychological impact of this condition can be immense on others, and people report that it can be very hard to be in a romantic relationship with someone who has NPD, as they can find it very difficult to share in the success of others, and feel like no one can meet their expectations.

“Domestic violence can occur from those with NPD, and this is very harmful both physically and psychologically.”

What exactly is a narcissist?

At its core, a narcissist is somebody who has an inflated sense of self-importance.

They typically will be a person with a need for grandiosity, attention and admiration, while also lacking empathy toward other people.

According to Ms Dober, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is found more commonly in men.

The cause of the condition is unknown but is believed to involve a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

There are also two types of narcissists that exist in medical literature.

Grandiose Narcissism is associated with a grandiose sense of self, aggression and dominance, while Vulnerable Narcissism is characterised by heightened emotional sensitivity and a defensive and insecure grandiosity that masks feelings of inadequacy.

“Genetics likely play some role in the development or as a risk factor for developing NPD,” Ms Dober explained.

Carly Dober is an Australian psychologist who reveals that common behaviours of a narcissist. Picture: Supplied

“Traits to look out for from a young age include aggression, poor emotional regulation and low tolerance to distress. Certain experiences in childhood are also more likely to lead to NPD.

“Experiences such as trauma or rejection can be a risk factor, as can things such as excessive praise or being constantly told you have extraordinary abilities.

“Parenting styles that are either very neglectful or overly protective are also associated with the development of the condition.”

“People living with NPD have a need to always make it known that they are better than the people around them,” Ms Dober said.

“The condition can affect anyone, anywhere, in any role or any pocket of the world.

“They key thing to observe would be their behaviour. They would be over-estimating their abilities and exaggerating their achievements, whether they be a someone working at supermarket or a law firm.

“They are surprised or angry when others don’t notice their accomplishments, and if their status or superiority is challenged they can respond with extreme anger, rage or be incredibly belittling to the person on the receiving end.

“They would likely have grand plans and aspirations, and feel entitled about this coming their way.”

Narcissists will often spend a lot of time being obsessed with their physical appearance. Picture: iStock

What are some behaviours?

While you might recognise some of the above symptoms, Ms Dober revealed that there are five common physical behaviours that true narcissists can display.

1. They’ll cut you off

People with NPD will often cut others off mid-conversation and appear to have a very short attention span. They will seem uninterested in what you are saying and instead, will purposely interrupt and divert the topic to be above themselves, or something they are interested in.

2. They’ll walk ahead of you

There is nothing worse than feeling like you can’t keep up with a fast walker. Most people will recognise this and slow down, but narcissist might walk fast on purpose to get ahead of you, and then blame you for your panic if you lose them or can’t catch up.

3. They’re obsessed with dictators

Narcissists might be a little obsessed with dictators, historical figures or famous people that they deem to have a lot of power of influence. They might look up, research, and discuss people who have used their power to control, manipulate or even harm innocent people, as this is admirable or enviable to them

4. They blame you for everything

Instead of taking any responsibility for their own actions, they make out that everything is your fault. For example, if you’ve agreed to meet up for dinner or see a movie together, and they turn up late due to having an issue, they will blame you and not take any accountability.

5. They’ll talk over you

Narcissists will often talk over others without a care in the world. They do not worry if they come across as brash or rude – if they have something to say, they’re going to say it. Even if that means loudly speaking over someone who is already talking.

There are certain traits that someone with the condition will exhibit. Picture: iStock

Ms Dober added that in addition to behaviours, there may be certain careers that narcissists might find themselves drawn to.

“Depending on their backgrounds and interests, narcissists typically have an interest in the arts, social careers, adventurous jobs and business,” she said.

“Their interest in artistic careers is in the service of gaining admiration of others. Roles like police, legal roles, and the political sphere that yield power and notoriety can be very interesting to a narcissist, as can roles like acting and modelling.”

I think I’m a narcissist – what now?

If you think you could be a narcissist, or know someone who is struggling with this, the first step is to see a mental health professional who will be able to diagnose this condition.

Given that this condition makes up just 1 per cent of the general population, it’s important to figure out the true root of what might be going on.

Ms Dober says the first step is getting help. Picture: Supplied

Ms Dober highlights that people with this condition may not recognise it, so they may need friends and family to help them out.

“People with NPD may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don’t seek treatment,” she said.

“If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol misuse, or another mental health problem.

“Having this discussion with them will likely impact their self-esteem and may make it difficult for them to accept and follow through with treatment.

“Starting from a supportive place and asking them what would be most helpful to them is a way for them to retain agency through this period.

“Given that people who experience NPD are at high risk of suicide, getting people the right support is important and making sure we aren’t weaponising this term is crucial.”