Eight ways to deal with failure

MISSED out on a promotion? Suffered a setback? Here’s how to make the most of things when they don’t go your way.

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MISSED out on a promotion? Suffered a setback? HereÂ’s how to make the most of things when they donÂ’t go your way.

Take time to reflect

Feeling low after failing to achieve something can be transformed into a positive experience. "It allows you time to reflect on what happened and how you might act differently next time," Louise Shepherd, principal clinical psychologist from The Sydney ACT Centre, says.

Alex Kingsmill, a life coach at Upstairs coaching and counselling in Melbourne, says it’s also important to focus on what you did well. "Thinking about the positive aspects encourages you to consider what you learnt from the experience and how you could apply those ideas in the future."

Reconsider your goals

"A setback provides a perfect opportunity to review your values and to reflect on where your priorities lie," Shepherd says. "You may have been working towards something you thought you valued highly, but [does it] really still matter to you? Make sure you’re striving to achieve goals important to you and not to prove a point or impress someone else. Re-evaluate what’s important to you now and set new goals accordingly."

Count your blessings

"When you’re struggling to bounce back from a setback, try to focus on what you’re grateful for," Kingsmill says. It could be something as small as thanking the person who serves you at the supermarket checkout or thinking of all the things you appreciate in your day, such as your bus arriving on time. “Boosting your gratitude will translate into greater enthusiasm, determination and optimism,” she says. “All these things will help get you back on track sooner.”

Remember the successes

“Write down at least three things you’ve achieved where you struggled for a period of time but were able to overcome the challenge,” Aleks Srbinoski, consultant psychologist and founder of fulfillinghappiness.com, says. “Note factors from these past achievements that helped you get over the line, such as accessing a support group or setting small goals on the way to setting a bigger one. Then try to incorporate these into your current challenge.”

Play to your strengths

Understanding your strengths can help get you back on top, Kingsmill says. Think of personal attributes – such as knowing you work well under pressure or negotiate well – that will help you perform at your best. "When you experience a setback, you’ll be able to confidently remind yourself of the personal resources available to you, then respond to the situation by drawing on those assets to get you back on track."

Find inspiration

Remember that plenty of successful people have failed along the way. "Think of five role models, either well-known or within your own circle of friends, who failed often or were repeatedly rejected," Srbinoski says. "This can help motivate you and help you persevere when confronted with setbacks."

Seek support

Dealing with your disappointment in an intelligent way can help you learn from your mistakes – and also bring home who your true friends are. "Seek advice and support from appropriate sources, such as family and friends," Shepherd says. The people closest to you are your best safety net.

Redefine failure

"Failure is an extremely powerful word," Srbinoski says. "It suggests that we’re not good enough."

He suggests eliminating the word from your vocabulary and instead replacing it with more accurate terms, such as "error" or "miscalculation". "This gives you a better understanding of what the problem is and boosts your confidence – it helps convince you things aren’t that bad."

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