How to really help someone with cancer

DON’T worry about posting red heart emojis or buying pink merchandise, here are three ways you can really help someone with cancer, according to a sufferer.

I NEVER met Connie Johnson but like many Australians I felt a deep emotional connection to her. This weekend, I shed many tears for her and her family and for all of us living with the fear of leaving our children behind too soon.

A few months ago, I was shopping in Canberra’s city centre and some strangers mistook me for Connie. It was the week after the Big Heart Project and Canberra, indeed the country, was buzzing from the epic fundraiser which raised more than $2 million for cancer research.

Connie was something of a celebrity and I did look a bit like her. Cancer treatment does that — the drugs, the headscarves and the lack of eyelashes — it gives us all a similar look.

That day, I’d just completed my fifth round of chemotherapy and was shopping for button down shirts in preparation for a double mastectomy. I was flattered to be compared to Connie. The way she lived inspired me.

Libby Hill in hospital having her chemo treatment.

Since Connie’s death last Friday, my social media feed has become splattered in red hearts. Well-meaning people are posting a single heart emoji in memory of Connie and to raise awareness of breast cancer.

In response, there are plenty of people voicing their frustration at the Facebook “slacktivism” calling out the idea that liking or posting something helps a cause.

While I agree, emojis are unhelpful, I’m not offended by them. From what I can see, people posting red hearts are trying to show they care. They have good intentions. I think they want to help.

But, like Connie, I have breast cancer, I’m a mother of two and a wife and I want to vanquish cancer. And unfortunately, a red heart emoji is not enough to help me.

Want to make a difference? Here’s how:

1. DONATE TO CANCER RESEARCH

Charities like Love Your Sister and the Garvan Institute are working to prevent cancer. At www.loveyoursister.org you can “chuck in a buck”. That’s right, even $1 helps. Choosing to buy pink merchandise is fine but it usually goes to support services.

Instead of putting more and more breast care nurses out there, wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t need breast care nurses at all? Research will make a difference to my children and yours.

2. REACH OUT TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW WITH CANCER

Contact the people you know who have cancer and simply say, “I care and I’m here for you.” Isn’t that essentially what you’re trying to say with the red heart on social media?

Too often, people feel helpless when someone they love has cancer but it needn’t be that way. Telling someone you care helps more than you think. It provides motivation, hope and a reason to keep fighting.

3. CHECK YOURSELF

Check your moles, your breasts, your testes (or your partner’s!) Book the colonoscopy. Make the appointment with your GP for whatever that niggling little thing is that you feel isn’t quite right. You can’t be serious about fighting cancer if you don’t take cancer seriously. It can happen to you and early detection actually does make a big difference.

Lastly, act. Connie had a profound impact because of her actions. So much more than words and social media posts, Connie worked extremely hard to make a difference, to vanquish cancer and to change the world. In her memory, let’s do more.

Libby Hill is a journalist, wife, mother and breast cancer thriver just trying to be the best version of herself. She’s not quite in remission but it’s looking good and doctors say they’ve removed all her cancer. She’s winning the battle but it’s not over yet. Follow her on instagram @justadlib