Coronavirus: Humanity being flushed down the toilet because of our paper hysteria | Opinion

As coronavirus panic grips the country, let’s hope Australia isn’t the country remembered for the great toilet paper swindle of 2020.

COMMENT

Greed is a despicable trait.

People: Cut. The. Panic. Cut the paranoia and the pathetic pileup of everyday stuff.

There is enough food to go around. You do not need to act like vultures diving into garbage bins just to get your next toilet paper fix.

Just when we should be standing together and helping each other get through the worst health crisis most of us have faced, we’ve also been seeing the worst in human nature and behaviour.

Shoppers fight over toilet rolls in Woolworths Chullora as the coronavirus craziness hits new levels. Picture Twitter

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It was bad enough when shops would close for Good Friday and Christmas Day - before all those ‘quickie’ marts and 7/11’s solved that issue - and people would shop like they were never going to see a trolley again.

That was always horrendous enough to witness.

But now, what we are seeing is pure gluttony and greed. It’s horrendous, dangerous, selfish and sickening behaviour. And to think gangs are using toilet paper as some kind of currency is even worse. Dealing in dunny paper? Who would have even thought.

Police officers distributed toilet paper and paper towels at a Sydney supermarket on March 19, in a bid to calm coronavirus-related panic buying. Picture: Twitter/@rache23

This whole situation is like a never-ending episode of Black Mirror, the British science-fiction series that examines modern society and its unanticipated consequences of new technologies.

You wouldn’t think anyone could have made this up.

But it’s all happening and we are all in this together.

When you look at the hoarding suspects, they’re usually fully-grown adults (I use the word “adult” loosely) who should know so much better and who should also be trying to be some kind of role model to their children. Yup.

“Oh look, there’s mum and dad on the tele!” as ma and pa lead news bulletins with a zillion rolls of white stuff in their trolley and under their arms. It’s complete and embarrassing madness. Bashing into each other’s ankles and hips with their obese trolleys, pushing each other out of the way and lining up in the dark to make it to the toilet paper holy grail aisle.

It all just seriously sucks.

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With our brilliant medical fraternity lunging towards developing proper treatments to help flatten the coronavirus curve, let’s hope Australia isn’t the country remembered for the great toilet paper swindle of 2020.

The major issue about the appalling behaviour we’re seeing is that it’s quite blatantly scaring our older population and also those who may not be in a physical position to be storming the shelves.

Helen Woodman - toilet paper already sold out before store opened. Early morning shoppers at Woolworths in Crows Nest earlier this month. Picture Rohan Kelly

The behaviour we are seeing – time and time again – is just horrendous.

Just this morning a Coles stores in Canberra was ramraided. I mean, aren’t those raids usually all about designer labels and jewellery stores? But groceries and toilet paper?

People, we are NOT running out of food. COVID-19 is not affecting the growth of vegetables and fruit; the milking of cows and the packaging of all the other things we buy at supermarkets.

Staff members assist shoppers at Costco Perth on March 19, 2020 in Perth, Australia. Picture: Paul Kane/Getty Images

This herd-like, selfish culture has permeated everywhere. It hasn’t just concentrated itself in highly populated suburbs. It’s not a West, an eastie. a country, a bogan or an urban thing.

I tried my local IGA, Coles, Woolies and IGA and ....? I got nothing. But I zipped into a local chemist up the road and there it was. The few roles of toilet paper we actually did need.

Here we are in the midst of the biggest health crisis in our time and the prime minister has to actually take time from serious matters to tell Australians to stop the hoarding.

We may not all chime with some of ScoMo’s political messages, but when our PM has to say, “Stop it. It’s not sensible, it’s not helpful and I’ve got to say it’s been one of the most disappointing things I’ve seen in Australian behaviour in response to this crisis,” he told reporters, “That is not who we are as a people”, it’s a sad state of affairs.

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And that comment is one of the most measured, strong and vigilant things Mr Morrison has said.

We are not going to go loo paperless. We are not going to starve.

Think of those who don’t even have their own toilet to stock paper in. Think of our homeless who don’t even have a home, let alone a space, to stockpile their ridiculous hoard.

Coles chief operating officer Matt Swindells has also reinforced Scott Morrison’s message to “stop hoarding”.

Shoppers line up around the building waiting to enter at Costco Perth. Picture: Paul Kane/Getty Images

“Australians should stop hoarding, there is not a shortage of product,” he said.

“It’s excessive demand way beyond normal demand, we have done three Christmases back to back in a space of three weeks.

“That is not sustainable.”

At Coles’s major distribution centre in Truganina in Melbourne’s west today staff were working around the clock to get supplies including hundreds of crates of toilet paper in trucks and off to stores for shoppers.

Linfox forklift driver Joseph Camilleri said “there’s more than enough toilet paper for Australia”.

“We are trying to get it out as fast as we can,” he said.

“We have plenty of stock for Australia.”

And yes. Australia does. But yet, we still have to have police (who would prefer to be spending their time saving us from dirtier deeds) manning loo paper aisles! I mean what the actual?

Everyone needs to take a huge breath. We are in a huge situation, we all know that, but now is not the time to be acting like complete and utter knobs.