Dietitian on why being called ‘too fat’ and ‘too thin’ doesn’t hurt anymore

Lyndi Cohen has called out the body shamers who message her with unsolicited critiques of her body – calling her both too fat and too thin.

Dear mid-size woman,

Yes, you – all the women in the confused abyss of not being “plus-size”, but not “thin”. I know what it feels like to be the “wrong” weight your entire life. In a culture obsessed with skinny and fat, it’s weird to be stuck in the forgotten middle.

Larger than a size 8, but smaller than a size 16? We’re what is now referred to as mid-size – the biggest of the skinny girls and the smallest of the fat girls – which means that we’re never the “right” size.

At this point you might still want to be skinnier, to lose weight, to see your thigh gap and ab crack – because they’re supposedly sexy and then you would feel beautiful. And on the other hand, you want to accept your body and learn to love your imperfections.

Here’s the rub: You might look at society and feel like you need to drop three sizes to be celebrated, and then look to body positive spaces and feel like you need to add at least three sizes to be noticed. You probably feel invisible.

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Lyndi Cohen is ‘mid-size’ but what does that mean?

It’s tricky when your whole life you’ve felt not good enough. You weren’t ever fat, but you felt fat. One look back at old photos to a time when you remember loathing your body, wishing you weighed less – and now you think you look good. That’s proof that body image has nothing to with what you weigh. It’s the stories you tell yourself.

I told those stories to myself for over a decade. Weight was always a crucial stressor in my life – ever since I was put on a diet by a nutritionist at age 11.

When people gave me compliments, it was always that I had a pretty face, the unspoken suggestion being that if I’d lost weight, I’d just be “pretty”. It’s no surprise my body and I had a fairly messed up relationship for years.

The thing is mid-size woman, and here’s what I want you to remember this International No Diet Day, it doesn’t matter your size – people will always find ways to criticise your weight. You’re not Goldilocks. You’ll never be just right in everyone’s eyes.

At multiple moments of your life, you’ve likely had human scales. When your family or strangers take it upon themselves to “help you” – their words, not mine – they bring their own body image baggage to the table.

Take this example, within days of each other on social media I received these two judgey comments: “No offence but you’re too fat too be a nutritionist,” and, “You’re too thin now.”

Nothing had changed about my body, just the opinion of the person posting, dubbing me “wrong”.

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The same photo of Lyndi prompted her to be called both too fat and too thin.

The dietitian says these comments are not helpful.

It hurts, until you accept that what other people think about your body isn’t what you have to fix. You need to change how you see your own body. What if the reason you can’t lose the last 5kg is that you’re not meant to? This weight might be where your hormones are balanced, your mood is lifted and you fall asleep at night without thinking of whether what you ate today was ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Looking after your body at this point with healthy eating and exercise becomes much easier.

For me, that means rolls when I sit down, a soft tummy and cellulite on my thighs. For you it might mean, thighs who make friends with each other and boobs that have fed a child. But let’s be real, how you look should really be the least impressive thing about you.

Of course, there are pros to being mid-size we must recognise. It’s easy enough to find clothing sizes, to fit into chairs, not have automatic health assumptions made about you and to escape discrimination based on size.

But not being the thin ideal, you’re disregarded, too. We live in a world that scrutinises and judges women’s bodies, period. In fact, our current beauty ideal for women is this impossible skinny-but-curvy-in-the-right-places unicorn. Yes it’s evolved from clavicles and bony hips, but it’s no more forgiving or inclusive.

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A belly that rolls and legs with cellulite is Lyndi’s healthy.

This International No Diet Day realise, you don’t have to eat rabbit food at every meal. You don’t have to exercise like an Olympian just to lose a couple of kilos so you can button your jeans without lying on the bed.

You can start with “My body is OK as it is”, “I have more important things to do than to look perfect from every angle”, “How my body looks is the least important thing about me”, “My body is worthy of respect” and “I am not an ornament”.

You can progress to body neutrality, body acceptance or body love – understanding that while you need your body to be healthy, your self-worth is not linked to your prettiness, size or the whiteness of your teeth. You are worthy – and so is your body, whether you choose to love it – or not think about it much at all.

Dietitian and best-selling author Lyndi Cohen is the founder of the Back to Basics App and Keep It Real, an online program for ending binge and emotional eating | @nude_nutritionist