Angela Mollard: Menopause needs to stop being secret and shameful

Just like many others, columnist Angela Mollard feared talking about menopause would be career suicide. But now she believes it’s time it stopped being secret and shameful.

Seven years ago in this column I wrote that middle-aged women like sex.

At the time, it felt daring and I challenged my editors to momentarily divert their attention from footballers and racehorses to state the fact on the front page.

They duly obliged and plonked my picture over my claim that: “Women like sex. Get over it. Or under it.”

Needless to say, it drew plenty of offers.

I vowed that day to never shy away from addressing the issues that affect women, no matter how confronting or intimate.

But I’ve been holding out. In fact, there’s a word I can barely say, let alone write because I believed to utter it would be career suicide. I feared that writing about menopause would swiftly reposition me from young and relevant to old and desiccated.

But as the Queen’s daughter-in-law Sophie Wessex joins the chorus of women speaking about the subject and the “tragedy” of women quitting their careers because of it, it’s time I came clean.

Sophie, Countess of Wessex, has publicly talked about menopause. Picture: Chris Jackson/AFP

The fact is menopause can be hell. Some will have debilitating physical symptoms, others think they’re going mad. Me? I was alternately forgetful and murderous.

Having enjoyed a lifetime of sound mental health and a positive attitude, I became a foggy-brained insomniac inclined to transfer stress on to my partner.

Words – my touchstone through life – suddenly failed me.

Just as the Countess of Wessex revealed she would lose her train of thought while public speaking, I would be commentating on television and muddling “brought” and “bought”. Without wanting to catastrophise – another symptom of menopause – I wondered if I had a brain tumour.

But through it all there was something I feared more than being a menopause sufferer – victimhood. As part of a new generation of women to have careers and financial agency, I didn’t want anything to detract from that.

I’d cemented ambition, competence and tenacity as the pillars of my working life and I wasn’t about to let a pesky shift in hormones overturn my hard-won successes.

But now I’m out the other side and both brain and body have resumed normal transmission, it’s clear menopause has implications beyond the workplace.

In fact, as the issue in the UK gathers more heat than a hot flush with a parliamentary inquiry considering whether anti-discrimination laws need to be tweaked to help women at the peak of their careers, I’d argue the greater concern is what happens at home.

It’s a bold assertion but women should think very carefully about leaving their marriages during menopause.

This is not because their marriages are viable. They may not be. But the lack of dialogue and consideration of the condition is so woeful in Australia that women in this demographic are left without the tools or support to make sound decisions.

I know a handful of women who have left relationships and later wondered whether the mind fudge of menopause might have clouded their judgment.

Not every woman will have a baby. Neither will they necessarily get breast cancer or diabetes. Nevertheless, the information available to them on those subjects is plentiful.

Conversely, every one of them will go through menopause and while their symptoms will range from severe to non-existent, the inconsistencies in medical advice and care, not to mention societal understanding, mean they often suffer in silence.

Columnist Angela Mollard decided to finally talk about menopause. Picture: Tim Hunter

I’m an educated woman with honed research skills, strong friendships and an excellent female GP, yet I was in the dark.

Honestly, I could’ve written a PhD on what to expect during labour by the time I gave birth, whereas what I knew about menopause wouldn’t have filled a postage stamp.

Frankly, I knew more about resting bitch face than the opaquely labelled “the change”.

Most of my friends are the same. One was drenched in sweat on our weekly walks for more than a year before she was finally prescribed HRT. Another was triggered by sugar and thought she was having a heart attack. One found herself having a hot flush midway through a conversation with a senior executive who had the good grace not to flinch or acknowledge the rivers of sweat running down her face.

Another is so shocked by menopause she has used her Instagram profile to document her rage and subsequent treatment with anti-depressants.

While menopause remains highly stigmatised and poorly managed here, it’s undergoing a rebranding in the UK.

Some celebrities, including the TV presenter Davina McCall, have augmented their careers by speaking about it and both mainstream and social media have ditched any shame and self-consciousness around the topic to become both public informants and commercial opportunists.

New research shows almost one million women in the UK have left jobs as a result of menopausal symptoms.

Menopause may not be as headline-grabbing as sex, but as per my column back in 2014, it is equally misunderstood.

With experts here claiming the clinical management of the condition is still impacted from the “exaggerated” results from a 20-year-old study and GPs not up to speed on treatment options, it’s no wonder women are confused and men confounded.

Considering its impact on workplaces and relationships, it’s time menopause stopped being secret and shameful women’s business and became everybody’s business.

ANGELA LOVES...

ROSEMARY SALT

A sprinkle of this herby condiment (I bought the Henry Langdon brand from a deli) elevates everything from scrambled eggs to roast chicken or grilled lamb. Transformative.

MUSIC

It’s 35 years since Eric Clapton released Slowhand and I’d forgotten what a cracking album it is. Next Time You See Her and We’re All The Way are standout tracks alongside the better known Lay Down Sally.

GIVING BLOOD

Checking in with my eldest earlier this week, she responded with a picture of herself donating plasma. I had no idea she did it and was quietly proud.

Originally published as Angela Mollard: Menopause needs to stop being secret and shameful