'He asked to go see his friends... he walked out the door and never came home'

“I told him I would think about it... then he just really casually said, ‘I’m leaving’... I begged the police and child protection to help me - I had a court order - but it meant nothing,” the Brisbane mum reveals.

Josephine Agostino

7 min read

September 1, 2022 - 4:20PM

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One day last summer, *Jackie picked up her two children, *Ethan and *Mia from school, and planned to spend the evening helping them with their homework and eating dinner as a family.

“When we got home, Ethan had asked me if he could go see his friends,” the Brisbane mum tells Kidspot of that fateful day.

“I told him I would think about it. Then really casually, he said, ‘I’m leaving’ and then walked out the door. I thought he would be back home later on, but that didn’t happen. I never saw or heard from him again.”

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Jackie’s nightmare began many years earlier…

She had filed for divorce from her then husband and father of her children, *Greg - whom she had known for more than 12 years before starting their family - when she discovered he had changed all their bank accounts so she could no longer access.

But he didn't stop there. He had also re-mortgaged their home without her knowledge, and she had found a hidden receipt for a divorce lawyer.

When they divorced, Jackie was awarded primary custody of both children, with Greg spending fortnightly overnight visits with Ethan and much shorter ones with Mia, who was a toddler at the time.

"He casually said, ‘I’m leaving’ and then walked out the door - I thought he would be back home later on... but that didn’t happen." Source: iStock

"I noticed a change in behaviour as soon as the kids came home"

She soon realised it would not be an easy co-parenting relationship.

“He was never interested in spending time with the kids,” the 49-year-old says.

“He had actually spent no time by himself with Mia before we divorced. But on the first Mother’s Day after the separation, he refused to drop the kids back to me as we’d agreed, so I had to have the police escort me to his house and pick them up.”

As the years went on, Jackie noticed her children’s personalities had drastically changed after visiting their father.

“I noticed a change in behaviour as soon as the children came home,” she vividly recalls.

“Ethan would come home saying that his dad has asked him, like ‘Are you OK, has mum hurt you?’ Then he would be secretive about anything that was said or done to him.”

“I begged the police and child protection to help"

Then, last year, when Ethan was a teen, the devoted mother’s entire world unexpectedly collapsed.

“He asked about seeing his friends,” she remembers emotionally.

“There was no argument. There was no confrontation. He just said, ‘I’m leaving’.”

Jackie suspected Ethan had taken a bus to his dad’s house - which he had done once before - so she didn’t follow him.

“I was so worried…I texted Greg, telling him what had happened and I thought Ethan would be back the next day… but he didn’t,” she says.

“That was the day I lost him. I begged the police and child protection to help me. I had a court order that Ethan was meant to live with me and it meant nothing.”

“My son told me to move on with my life and forget about him..." Source: iStock

“I was stupid and naive to think the law would protect my kids"

Despite taking an IVO against Greg for stalking, harassment and child abuse (alienation) for her and the children a month later, the law has failed in helping Jackie allow her access to her son, let alone return him to her care.

“I’ve been so stupid and naive to think that if I followed the process of the law that I would be able to protect my kids,” the distraught mother says.

“I was wrong. Now [Greg] is the one trying to convince the courts that I am the one abusing my son.”

Last year, Jackie was granted less than five minutes with Ethan on the day of his birthday.

For months beforehand, she hoped that the special moment, however brief, would provide a small breakthrough in her returning to Ethan’s life.

“We met up at a park with his dad waiting in the car and I had taken a present for him, ready to make amends.”

“My boy told me to move on with my life and forget about him"

But her world was completely shattered all over again when Ethan uttered the words she never imagined she would hear from her beloved child.

“He told me to move on with my life and forget about him, and that it was none of my business,” she says through tears.

“Then he refused to take my present and walked away. I was crushed… I still don’t know how I got through that moment.”

There has been no contact between the mother and son since.

“I send him messages through his iPad, saying that I love him and asking how he’s doing, but he’s never responded once,” she says tearfully.

“I’ve made so many requests to his dad and the lawyers to have contact with him, but all I’m told is, ‘He doesn’t want to see you’.”

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"My daughter is mimicking her dad’s behaviour"

Worriedly, Jackie is now seeing the same coercive behaviour from her daughter after her fortnightly weekend visits to her dad’s home.

“She comes back filled with such anger and toxicity,” she says sadly.

“She refuses to talk to anyone, not just me, about anything that happens at her dad’s place. I also know she has access to a secret phone and email address that only she and her dad use but neither of them have ever disclosed to me.”

Now she is riddled with fear, convinced that she will one day lose her daughter completely.

“I know it will happen…a psychologist even told me that she is doing the exact same thing as Ethan did. She is mimicking her dad’s behaviour. I can’t even say no to her anymore without thinking she will run away too,” she explains.

“If I don’t agree to something, she says. ‘You can’t do that. It’s child abuse’. I’m terrified of just parenting her. But I can’t stop her from seeing her dad because I know it would crush her world even more, and she misses her brother so much when she’s away from him.”

“He wanted control over me - now he’s doing it through the kids”

The only contact Jackie has with Greg is via a messaging app, where she occasionally texts to ask about the welfare of their children. This year, she has never received a response, only choosing to communicate through his lawyer.

“He wanted control over me through marriage, then it was the separation… now he’s doing it through the kids.”

Despite having primary custody of the children for most of their lives, Jackie has never received more than $50 a month in child support from her ex, who has always claimed to have a limited income.

Despite that, he has managed to pay more than $50,000 in court costs.

“I know he has constantly lied about his income, because most of it is from him having an overseas business, which he set up before we separated.”

Greg then wasted no time in demanding child support from Jackie when his son moved in with him full-time without her consent last year.

“I’ve had to pay him more than $3,000 so far,” she says, frustratingly.

“A forensic psychologist has confirmed that Ethan has been alienated from me, but the child support system doesn’t care.”

The harrowing ordeal of not having any contact with her son, or even knowing if he is okay, has left Jackie with such an irreparably broken heart that she does anything she can to avoid the pain.

"I try not to think of him because it hurts too much”

“I miss being his mum so much… I don’t go into his room, which I’ve left as it was because it gives me hope that he’ll come back. I try not to think of him because it hurts too much,” she cries.

“When I do think about him, I feel like I’m having a mental breakdown, and I have another child that I need to look after. The toll that it’s taken is immeasurable - I have lost so much time that I’ll never get back.”

Despite the unbearable heartache, Jackie vows she will never give up fighting for her children.

“If you don’t have hope, you don’t have life. I’m their mother and I need to protect them.”