In defence of the more controversial avocado, the Shepard

They’re dogged with a bad reputation, but we’re here to tell you why the much maligned Shepard is the avocado much more worthy of your love.

Today may seem like just any ordinary February day.

It’s humid outside, you really wish it was the weekend, and you’ve got a sad desk salad for lunch because it’s end of month and you’re hanging onto your New Year’s resolution to eat clean and green by the thread of a zucchini noodle masquerading as spaghetti.

The most spice in your life you’re getting from food at the moment is a 99c can of John West tuna.

But today, this “ordinary” February day, is a good day, and let me tell you why: Shepard avocado season is back, baby.

Before you begin wailing in despair, I’ll acknowledge the elephant in the room: I am painfully aware Hass avocados are the reigning favourite.

If avocado breeds were a fairytale, Hass would be Cinderella and Shepards would be the ugly stepsister. Every time.

The reigning Disney princess of the avocado realm: the Hass.

And why? Because Hass avocados are reliable, you say.

They change colour and texture to alert you when they’re ready to be slathered across your gluten-free toast.

Not quite ripe enough and you can slice them and put them into your sad desk salad.

Too ripe, and you can mush them up with some lime juice until they resemble baby food and call it guacamole.

With their creamy, pastel green filling, you’re convinced that they’ll never let you down.

But you’re wrong.

Yes, my beloved Shepards – with skin so glossy and green they look fakier than a Married At First Sight bride – resemble a piece of pretend fruit in your great gran’s table arrangement.

And YES, as a result of this pretend plastic coating, it’s hard to discern whether or not they’re ripe until you slice them open and take a nibble of the flesh.

It’s a gamble, I know.

There’s nothing worse than spending $4.50 on a single piece of fruit only to find it tastes like soap. Even more distressing, sometimes they simply never ripen and you’re forced to claw them open like a deranged Survivor contestant and scrape out the fruit with your fingernails.

Need I remind you, though: life’s about living on the edge!

And in buying a Shepard avocado, the odds of opening up its hard, flawless complexion to reveal a fleshy, tender soul – not unlike the bad boy older brother in an 80s rom-com – are EQUAL to accidentally jumping the gun and trying to force the fruit open, only for it to leave a very bad taste in your mouth.

My heart beats for Shepard avocados. Picture: Instagram

And while they may be flawed, Shepard avocados have the one thing Hass avocados don’t: structural integrity.

If you plonk one unceremoniously in your work bag, only for a middle-aged plumber to sit on your belongings on the bus; or the checkout boy at Coles crushes your avos with 12 kilos of mince and a jar of bolognese sauce, it doesn’t matter.

Shepard avocados will not bend or break. They will never let you down or change their form. They will always stay true to who they are (unlike Hass, who with one whiff of heat or pressure shapeshift quicker than a Harry Potter character).

What’s more – I don’t want to mush up my avo on my toast. It makes me feel geriatric.

With a Shepard avocado, you can slice it into orderly segments and arrange them on your carbohydrate of choice without feeling like you’re incapable of chewing your food.

Welcome back, my precious babies.

A wise friend once said that going for the Shepard avocado over the Hass is like swiping right on the Tinder boy with brooding eyes and artistic ambitions who would cause your mother to disown you if you ever brought him home.

He’s probably going to be a boring date and a dud root.

But he *might* just be husband material.

As Eurovision Song Competition-winning band ABBA once sang, “Take a chance on me”. And by “me”, Bjorn, Benny, Anni-Frid and Agnetha were obviously singing about Shepard avocados.

If I’m going to ruin my chances of ever entering the housing market for an avocado, it’s going to be for the Shepard variety.