Ho ho, oh no: Why Kris Kringles are so terrible

IF YOU’RE going to participate in the office Kris Kringle, you may as well flush your money down the toilet. Here’s why.

CHRISTMAS is a hard time of year. And what makes it harder is Kris Kringle. As if you didn’t have enough on, now you have to buy a gift under $10 for someone at work who you don’t know very well.

At least you get a small but delightful present in return, right?

If you believe that, you’ve probably never actually participated in this weird annual ritual. It goes by many names — some call it Secret Santa — but in all its guises it amounts to misery.

The last Kris Kringle gift I received was a model aeroplane that broke immediately. The giver was supposed to be anonymous but I came to suspect that one colleague who kept insisting I could “easily” glue it back together. After the Christmas party I carried it till I was out of sight and glumly popped it in the bin. I bet I’m not the only one who did the same that day.

I’ll tell you who loves Kris Kringle — the $2 shops. There’s always a limit on the value of the gift — that makes sense — but it means plastic novelty items dominate. After a few rounds, the sense that receiving “fun” gifts actually gets harder and harder to maintain, and begins to contribute to a private sense of despair.

Ho ho, oh no.

I’m an economist and when I think about presents, I think about economics. It helps, trust me. Here’s why: The way economics works, everyone can put a value on things. Take a white T-shirt, price $10. If you value the white T-shirt above $10 you will buy it for yourself. If you value it below $10 you won’t buy it. Simple.

But buying for someone else, you risk spending $10 and getting them something they value at only $9. Or even worse, something they value at $0. You’ve wasted $10 worth of value! That’s always the risk with presents.

But as they say, it’s the thought that counts. At least if you buy a present for a loved one, it shows them that you care. (Yes, even economists like to show their loved ones they care!)

In an office Kris Kringle, people often don’t care, or don’t care enough. And it shows.

For example, in last year’s Kris Kringle, I mistakenly bought some very nice beer for a young guy in the office who turned out not to drink. I had no idea. Sorry again.

If regular presents often waste value, Kris Kringle presents are going to waste even more value. It’s like the system has been set up to fail. Anonymity means you can’t ask the recipient what they want — and it also means they won’t even know if you don’t put in much effort. It’s a recipe for disaster.

The reason most Kris Kringles happen in offices is the same reason so many bad things happen in offices. Someone decides to do it in a committee somewhere. Then, nobody with the guts to stand up to the decision has the power, and nobody with the power has the guts.

There are lots of variations on the basic anonymous Kris Kringle, all of which have obviously been invented to make up for the fact it is basically terrible.

One I like is the Stealing Santa, where the givers are still anonymous, but each participant can choose to either take a new gift, or “steal” one that has already been given. This makes sense, because it slightly improves the chance people will end up with something they actually want.

But if you are stuck in a Kris Kringle, there’s another trick to make it work. Break the rules and ask the person you’re buying for what they want. Also, announce what you want, loudly. Encourage everyone to do the same.

There’s research to back this up. If you buy somebody a gift they asked for, they’ll appreciate the gift more. What’s more, they’ll think it was more thoughtful and considerate than trying to buy them a surprise. (This is also why wedding registries are a good idea.) The problem the same research found is that gift givers are deluded — they think buying what’s been requested will be seen as not being thoughtful enough.

You might be seen as the office weirdo if you break the rules like this. But everyone should be happier with their presents. And that can be your secret Christmas gift to everyone.

Jason Murphy is an economist. He publishes the blog Thomas The Think Engine. Follow him on Twitter @jasemurphy.