Trying butt pads was the most humiliating experience of my life
FIRST waist trainers, now Spanx with butt pads. Tashara Jones tried out the latest Kardashian-endorsed shapewear, with mixed results.
THE Kardashian clan is famous for their assets, but it appears the booty gene skipped over Kylie Jenner, who recently Instagrammed a photo of herself wearing Spanx with built-in pads on the butt.
But don’t be so quick to judge. I myself have gotten extra help in that department.
My Trinidadian mother was tired of hearing me constantly complain about being plagued with the no-a*** syndrome.
So to make me feel better, she came home with an unusual purchase a few years ago.
“Shara, I have something for you,” she announced.
As I excitedly ripped open the shopping bag she brought from a local department store, my eyes grew in amazement. It was a pair of black underwear with two bountiful pads on the back, along with side hip coverage to give the illusion of equal body proportion. I couldn’t believe something like this existed!
After trying on a few clothing options with my newly acquired big booty, I was hooked. Simply slipping them on over my underwear, I wore those pads everywhere for three months straight — to work, the hair salon, the grocery store, even to the corner laundromat.
Then something tragic happened that ended my life as a sexy video vixen (well, at least that’s how I saw myself).
One Saturday night I went to a club with my girlfriend. I confidently walked to the front — skipping all the women who hadn’t learned my little secret, because girls with big butts don’t have to wait on line.
We were quickly ushered inside. Guys shouted, “Damn, ma!” and “Can you save me a dance?” as I sashayed my way through a metal detector. Thinking nothing of it, I danced to the hip-hop beat and walked right in.
Then it happened ... I had totally forgotten about the female security guard who had to pat down women for weapons!
I broke into a sweat as I slowly raised my hands and spread my arms and legs to be searched.
After three squeezes, her jaw dropped as she looked up at me in utter confusion and asked, “What is this?”
Not able to think of a justifiable answer, I just told her the truth. “I am wearing butt pads. Please do not say anything.”
She rolled her eyes and waved me through. As I shamefully walked away, I turned to see her telling a co-worker about my secret. As they looked at me and laughed, three more employees joined their conversation.
After that night, I never wore butt pads again.
My girlfriend asked, “What took her so long? Why was she feeling you up like that?” I lied and said, “Girl, she tripping. She said I was cute and asked me for my phone number.”
When I got home, I told my mum what happened, thinking she would give me comfort as only a loving mother could.
“I told you, you got too damn comfortable with that thing,” she said, rolling on the floor with boisterous laughter, only to get up and retell the story to my sister over the phone.
After that night, I never wore butt pads again.