‘I’ve always wondered, is my vagina normal?’
KRISTIE Mercer has always been “completely and utterly terrified” that her lady bits “don’t stack up”. She’s not alone either.
I’VE always been completely and utterly terrified that my vagina is in some way not normal, that it somehow doesn’t stack up against the generally accepted standard of vaginas worldwide.
My whole life, I just assumed that every other woman had the same thought process, this natural curiosity as to whether the lady bits that they’d be given were on par with the next person’s.
I guess it’s normal to compare your physical self to the rest of society. Most of us are constantly stacking ourselves up against the next person — walking down the supermarket aisle, scrolling through Instagram or flicking through a mag in a waiting room. Is my hair as shiny? Are my calves as defined? Does my butt sit the same way in a pair of skinny-legs?
It’s something we learn to do as little kids. Who remembers running nude through the sprinkler with a male cousin or having a bath with their brother and noticing that their private parts look nothing like your own?
“WOAH, IT’S LIKE THERE’S A WORM IN HIS PANTS ... I WANT A WORM TOO MUM!” It’s intriguing to realise that not everybody looks the same as you do.
But as you grow up and the acceptable age of nudity around blood relatives becomes a distant memory, you’re left wondering, “Do I still look like every other girl ‘down there’? And how the hell will I ever know?”
Short of asking my besties to drop their dacks for confirmation, I lived in this thick doubt that I’ve never managed to totally shake. This innocent curiosity as a child has morphed itself into fear. An ugly, tightly wound ball of fear. A fear of being different.
Movie stars never seemed to be too concerned about it though. The’d ravage each other until they were panting and naked in broad daylight with each other. No doona. Or strategically placed sheets. With all the lights on. It was the stuff of nightmares. That a guy might be exposed to my private parts and they don’t stack up to the industry standard. What if he sees me naked and laughs? What if he tells his mates? What if he recoils with fear, screams for help and dials triple 000?
“Hello this is an emergency. I’ve just seen my girlfriend’s vagina for the first time and it is not what I expected. Please send help immediately.”
Even down to hair maintenance, I’ve been mindful of what’s on trend in the most ridiculous of circumstances. In the lead up to a routine Pap smear I’ve considered booking a waxing appointment because I figured it would be somehow considerate. I can’t commit to laser hair removal in case years down the track ‘bush is back’ is screamed from the rooftops while I’m left looking like a permanently plucked chicken. God forbid.
I’ve raised these concerns with friends and perhaps you’re thinking exactly what they were ... who actually cares?! Why does it even matter if I am sporting some kind of freak show below the belt? So what if the pubic hair-do of 2015, as showcased by Kim Kardashian’s magazine cover, isn’t something I’ve embodied?
Don’t women encounter enough societal pressure when it comes to our image without the addition of our most sacred and defining body part? Shouldn’t vaginas of all shapes, sizes, variations and colours be celebrated for what they were actually made to do — provide the ultimate physical pleasure and enable the miracle of another human life?
The answer is yes. Of course it’s yes.
It makes me mad at myself that I’ve actually spent a chunk of my life worrying about this petty stuff. Even me, the paranoid, self-doubting, almost-clicked-on-an-ad-for-‘vaginal rejuvenation’ kinda girl knows that this is beyond true. Maybe it’s just taken me a little bit longer to realise it.
Kristie Mercer is one half of The Thinkergirls — who love to chat about all the thoughts you’re thinking but not saying. This topic was discussed in Thinkergirl: The Podcast. Find the girls on Facebook or Youtube.