Why Salim could be the perfect PM

EVER since the deputy mayor of Sydney’s Auburn Council announced his dreams of becoming PM he’s been relentlessly mocked. But what if he’s perfect for the job?

EVER since Auburn deputy mayor, Salim Mehajer took to the lectern to announce his dreams of running the country his intentions have been relentlessly mocked.

But what if all the scoffing is just distracting us from the fact that he’s actually the perfect person for the job. And this is why …

HE’D MAKE A GREAT MINISTER FOR WOMEN

While Malcolm Turnbull has left this in the hands of someone more qualified, Salim could definitely revive the role. By Abbott’s own admission his most significant achievement in this area was repealing the carbon tax (something I’m still grateful for every time I do the ironing) but Salim claims his extravagant wedding has shown women all over the world “how a female should be treated.” That’s more like it! Thanks to Salim we now know we deserve a love that defies residential parking permits and that our rightful place is right behind our man …. a couple of metres behind.

HE UNDERSTANDS SUCCESSFUL GOVERNMENT IS ABOUT BEING COLLEGIAL

Past leaders have made the mistake of making decisions via clandestine ‘captain’s picks’ and ‘kitchen cabinets,’ but not Salim. When pressed about his tendency to vote in a group of councillors dubbed the ‘super six’ he stated “If you look at the council records there are a number of times I have voted with the ‘poor four’ if I may call them that.” Yes you may.

Also can wear a hard hat. Any Prime Minister worth his salt knows how important this look is.

HE WILL BE SYMPATHETIC TO THE NEEDS OF HIS MINISTERS

A man who understands that sometimes a wedding needs a procession of $50 million worth of luxury vehicles also understands that sometimes a trip to Geelong needs a helicopter.

Or maybe a private jet?

HE EMBRACES THE TERM “UN-AUSTRALIAN”

In response to allegations he threatened the father of a Lindt cafe siege survivor, Salim labelled the allegations “un-Australian.” Inspired. Any politician worth their salt knows there’s no better way to establish yourself as the most Australian thing ever than by pointing out all the things that are un-Australian. Whatever that means.

HE UNDERSTANDS A PRIME MINISTERS ROLE IS TO FOCUS ON THE IMPORTANT ISSUES

When asked what he would do about the above allegations Salim said “I will urge the PM, Malcolm Turnbull to change laws to protect high profile businessmen and politicians from such allegations which can turn their career upside down in a split second.” Make sure you put that one on top of the to do list, Malcolm. Right above the Syrian refugee crisis.

HE’S GOT IMPRESSIVE CELEBRITY CONNECTIONS

American Presidents often attract the support of celebrities like Beyonce and Brad Pitt while in Australia the best we can muster is the gaff prone Prince Phillip. Salim’s not even in the top spot yet and he’s already got international mega stars like ‘Lil Bow Wow filming music videos on his staircase. Eat your heart out Obama, our next PM’s got the guy who released ‘Doggy Bag’ on speed dial.

Take that, Obama. Sweet staircase by the way.

HE’S NO STRANGER TO A CATCH PHRASE

Any good politician knows a successful political campaign needs a catchy slogan and a quick peruse of Salim’s Facebook page shows he’s got no shortage of them. Like this one ….

“You can never see those that oppose you, because they’re always behind you watching your every move and remembers [sic] those opposing you don’t really hate you- they hate themselves because you’re a reflection of what they wish to be.”

Not quite as catchy as ‘Stop the boats’ but he’s still got time to work on it.

If you thought Clive Palmer made parliament more colourful, check out this shirt.

HE’D BE THE FIRST POLITICIAN IN LIVING MEMORY WITH DECENT TEETH

If his commitment to dental hygiene is any indication of his commitment to running the country, we’re sorted.

Vote 1 Salim!

Those pearlers!

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