Sydney paramedic reveals the most traumatic moments from her 20-year career

PARAMEDIC Sandy Macken is surrounded by death every day. But one phone call left her “vomiting grief”. WARNING: GRAPHIC

Sydney paramedic Sandy Macken has revealed the most traumatic moments from her 20-year career in a new book. Picture: Supplied

SANDY Macken can clearly remember the night she thought she might die on the job.

It was around 10pm on a weeknight when the Sydney paramedic was called out to Town Hall station in the city’s CBD, with reports of a patient suffering a laceration.

She thought it would be a straightforward case — but soon found herself stretched to her “greatest capacity”.

When she and her young female partner arrived on the scene, they found the patient missing an arm and a leg after being hit by a train.

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The young man was “bleeding out” and dying before their eyes on the station platform.

But he had a friend with him — a friend who was either “in some sort of psychosis” — or high on the “crazy-making drug ice”.

Hurtling towards the paramedics, the man’s friend began screaming abuse and swearing at them aggressively, accusing them of killing his friend.

Sydney paramedic Sandy Macken has lost six colleagues to suicide as the trauma of the job took its toll. Picture: Supplied

It was an incredibly dangerous moment, and Ms Macken was well aware the much larger, aggravated man could “outrun us, tackle us to the ground and kill us” if he chose.

It’s one of the most harrowing moments described in Ms Macken’s new book, Paramedic, which covers the highs and lows of her 20-year career.

“There was the major trauma of the patient but it was also emotionally traumatic to be faced with a bystander who was incredibly abusive and obstructive,” she told news.com.au.

“There was a fight or flight response. My instincts pulled me towards the patient whose life was threatened, but my instincts also told me if I didn’t run away, I was going to die.

“Being right in the middle of that precarious situation was a very stressful situation to find yourself in.”

Police eventually arrived on the scene and subdued the man, while the paramedics were able to treat the wounded man and get him safely to hospital.

But that terrifying experience wasn’t the worst moment of Ms Macken’s career.

The day she’ll never forget — the day that “broke” her — was when she learned a long-term workmate and former boyfriend had taken his own life.

Tragically, that man was just one of six colleagues Ms Macken has lost to suicide over the years.

“Something broke deep inside me on that autumn day,” Ms Macken wrote of learning of her friend’s suicide, describing the “tragic irony of a paramedic choosing death when he had been devoted to saving the life of so many others” — an irony that left her “vomiting grief”.

“The thought of anyone suffering to that degree, least of all my colleagues who are dedicated to the service of life, is just so heartbreaking,” the mother-of-one told news.com.au.

“Part of the reason for going into the detail I go into (in the book) about what I’m feeling and processing is to shine a bit of a light on the burden paramedics carry.”

These are just two examples of the countless traumatic moments Ms Macken has experienced as part of the job.

Sydney paramedic Sandy Macken regularly helps grieving families cope with unimaginable loss. Picture: Supplied

But remarkably, among the tragedy, there are also moments of “beauty”, like the time she discovered she had miraculously saved a toddler who had almost drowned in the family pool and who she thought had “no hope of survival”.

In her early days on the job, Ms Macken was often left reeling by the trauma of the job — in her words, “sleep didn’t come easy”.

But these days, Ms Macken has learned to find solace in spirituality, even helping others on the side as a spiritual teacher.

She said her beliefs had helped her find love and beauty amid the most tragic events.

“At the end of the day, for me it’s all about love and the resilience of the human spirit,” she said.

Paramedic by Sandy Macken, Rockpool Publishing, $29.99, out now

• If you or someone you know needs help, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you need help with depression, please see Beyond Blue for a list of organisations that can help.

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