Why we hate networking

A NEW study has revealed that your hunch about this annoying work practice is right. Our discomfort is more primal than you may think.

Why we hate networking

NETWORKING, for some of us, is right up there with “team building” activities on the list of things we hate about the corporate world — a leftover relic championed by cheesy executives. Unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil for most of us. At my last “real” job, networking was a requirement — you couldn’t get placed on a project otherwise, and being “on the bench” for too long guaranteed a hasty ousting. If it’s so beneficial (and necessary), why do so many of us hate it?

A new study reveals that our discomfort is more primal than you may think. For some, networking creates feelings of not just moral impurity, but actual, physical dirtiness.

“People feel that they cannot justify their actions to themselves, and the lack of justification comes from the difficulty people have in framing some forms of networking as motivated by a concern for other people versus a selfish concern,” says Prof. Tiziana Casciaro, who teaches organisational behaviour at the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management.

That makes a lot of sense, because you have to consider networking for what it truly is: making friends with an explicit agenda. Sure, you might not go into a networking event with the intention of asking for a job or favour that day, but the sentiment is there nonetheless: “I wish to introduce myself to you because I believe a relationship could be beneficial to me in the future.”

For the average person, who has trouble asking for favours or openly relying on others, the implications surrounding networking introductions can weigh too heavily on their conscience. When you get that icky, self-loathing feeling after “working the room” for too long, it’s not just fatigue or awkwardness — your brain and body have a genuine conflict with what you’re doing.

“My god. It even has a watermark.”

What’s intriguing (but perhaps not surprising) is that the study found that those higher in power within the corporate structure tend to enjoy networking much more than those lower on the ladder (who also need it the most). This makes a lot of sense. For starters, those who rise to power through promotion tend to be those who are good with people, and often particularly enjoy interacting with strangers and forming new relationships. A networking event that might feel like having teeth pulled to you might feel like a free day off to them.

It’s also worth noting that those in higher-ranking positions can use their power to alter the paradigm of networking in its entirety. When you’re the guy in charge, you have something to give, maybe even more than you stand to gain. There’s nothing people in power love more than reinforcing that power to both themselves and those around them, and a networking event provides the perfect opportunity.

For powerful workers, it’s still about walking in with an agenda. Only, in their case, it’s an agenda that’s a) easier to reconcile, and b) less odious to outside observers. How could networking make them feel dirty? Why, they’re being magnanimous! They’re opening up opportunities to those below them while strengthening bonds with their peers, which will, in turn, open up even more opportunities. When they get something in return, a new client lead or the opportunity for a partnership, well, that’s karma at work — an unintended side effect of all the goodwill they’ve been busy sowing over highballs.

Group of Business People in Office Building

The problem, of course, is that those who stand to benefit the most from networking (relatively speaking) are those least likely to participate in it or to maximise its potential when they do. Not only does it hold careers back on an individual level, it also makes it tougher to refresh and disrupt traditional power structures overall.

Prof. Casciaro has some tips for those of us who cringe at the mere thought of signing up for a “networking event” or mixer: “Don’t underestimate what you can give,” she says.

That’s the key to washing off that feeling of ickiness: Stop looking at it as though you’re going in to be a mooch, and instead convince yourself that there are opportunities there for everyone, from everyone. Even if you’re the low man on the totem pole, your company or industry may be of interest to an outsider in a more senior position. Offering to send a simple email to your boss could change that person’s life. Even if you truly have nothing to offer in terms of resources or connections, it’s still an opportunity to learn more about your industry and make connections of your own, and that doesn’t cost anyone a dime.

For most of us, networking will never be fun. It will always be an exercise in patience, a necessary annoyance akin to waiting in line at the bank (only with more nametags and cocktails). However, your career depends on it, and it feels a lot less morally repugnant to keep in mind that everyone is there not necessarily for specific favours, but to see who (and what) is out there. There’s nothing dirty about that.

This article originally appeared on AskMen and was republished with permission.