Jargon words that need to disappear

YOU know the ones — the words that mark us out as robots from another planet. Let’s all agree to a collective exorcism now.

CORPORATE jargons result in visceral reactions in people: eye rolling, nervous laughter and general cringe.

But the business world is saturated with words and terms that makes one sound like a total wanker if you were anywhere else other than in an office. Imagine going to a picnic and telling someone the stakeholders really liked that sausage. Just, no.

But we persist on using corporate jargons and at some point many of us have found ourselves uttering sentences with terms we never thought we would use. But if you’re in an office environment long enough, it gets absorbed and becomes a part of your vernacular.

So let’s all agree to a collective exorcism of the following from the English language.

TISSUE SESSION — While it sounds like something a teenage boy does in a locked room, a tissue session is essentially a brainstorm about ideas or concepts that are still in progress.

ENTREPRENEUR — Seriously — let’s stop using ‘entrepreneur’. An entrepreneur is a business person who comes up with ideas and sets up businesses. Otherwise known as a … business person. It could be worse, it could be mumrepreneur or teenpreneur or — ugh — ‘serial entrepreneur’.

BLUE SKY THINKING — Aim high! Reach for the sky! Think outside of the box!

GOING FORWARD — What are we supposed to do? Go backwards?

DELIVERABLES — The only thing that should be delivered is your mail. Or pizza.

STAKEHOLDERS — Clients, customers, bosses, employees are all just people.

PIVOT — Just use ‘change’. If it’s good enough for Obama, it’s good enough for you.

TOUCHING BASE — Unless you’re playing baseball or softball, you’re not touching base.

ONBOARDING — Sounds like waterboarding and that’s what the process can feel like. How many more of these HR forms do I have to fill out?

START-UP — Like ‘entrepreneur’, ‘start-up’ is used by people who think what they’re doing is somehow different to what people have done for hundreds of years — bakers, convenience store owners, family doctors. It’s a frickin’ small business, OK? OK?!

OWNERSHIP — Responsibility — also known as doing your job.

DRILL DOWN — Unless you’re mining for resources or carving out tunnels, let’s just call it ‘looking at something in detail’. Exceptions can be made for dentists.

LEADING EDGE — We get it, it’s innovative and new.

BLEEDING EDGE — Oh, but so innovative and new that you’ll probably fail.

CHECK THEIR TEMPERATURE — You’re not going in with a thermometer to stick under their tongue. Maybe you should just ask them what they’re thinking.

INTERFACE — Was there something wrong with saying ‘let’s meet in person’?

FUTURE-PROOF — You can’t actually future proof anything. It’s called the future.

TAILWINDS — If you’re a pilot talking about actual weather conditions, that’s fine. For everyone else, it’s ‘good conditions’.

GAME PLAN — Why do business people love appropriating sports terms? It’s not a game plan. It’s just a plan.

SCALABLE — You scale Mount Everest. You don’t scale an ‘innovative and exciting customer proposition’ for ‘maximum reach’.

BEST OF BREED — It’s business, it’s people and it’s money. It’s not a dog show.

What other jargon words drive you crazy? Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter @wenleima