Horrible bosses — what to do when bullying is disguised as ‘playful’ banter

SOME bosses are very difficult to work with. But you don’t have to just cop the bullying. Here’s how to stand up to them.

How to stand up to your horrible boss

HAVE you ever worked for or with someone who loves to have a joke at other people’s expense?

What about the so-called leader who constantly teases young members of the team about how inexperienced they are or what they still have to learn? If you’ve been in the firing line of the boss who thinks ‘hanging it’ on people about the mistakes they make is an OK way to manage, you’re likely to be aware of how humiliating it can feel.

If you are dealing with a boss who uses banter to bully, you have two choices, stand up for yourself or leave. The problem isn’t going to go away on its own. Remember also what typically comes with a boss who is a bully is a toxic culture that encourages other people to behave badly. Choose to influence positive change or to leave and join an organisation that understands how to have fun while maintaining respectful standards.

Knowing what behaviours constitute bullying will allow you to take a stand and be clear about what you won’t accept. Its important to understand that bullying is repeated, unreasonable behaviour, which creates a risk to your health and safety. If your boss repeatedly behaves in ways that cause you to feel humiliated, intimidated, threatened or belittled you are being bullied.

Jennifer Aniston played the typical bully in Horrible Bosses.

Tips for standing up to a horrible boss who is a bully

Be prepared

Take time to think about what you need to say and how you will go about it. Ask for the advice and support you need from other leaders, HR people on the team or your colleagues.

Get advice from people outside of your organisation if that is what you need to have the confidence to deal with the issue well. Give thought to what you need to say before entering into the conversation.

Be prepared for how your boss may respond to the points you intend to bring up. Consider how you might deal with push back and keep the conversation a productive one.

Hold the bully accountable

Act with conviction. Having strength is an important part of standing up to anyone who abuses their power. There is no excuse or justification for bullying regardless of who you are and the role you play. So take a firm stance and speak with confidence when you ask your boss to take responsibly for the unnecessary and damaging impact their behaviour has on other people.

Influence awareness

Understand that they may not be aware. As much as you think common sense suggests they should know better, some people don’t appreciate the extent to which their behaviour negatively impacts on others. This can be especially true if they get caught up in the moment and focus on their own perspective all too readily.

Help your boss to understand why their behaviour matters as much as it does and what you think they can do differently to still have fun but behave respectfully toward you.

Be constructive

Matching a bully’s behaviour is neither appropriate nor effective. Maintain your own behaviour at a standard you can be proud of and calmly take steps to deal with the issue. Your aim should be to influence your boss’s thoughts, feelings and ultimately actions by delivering honest feedback with respect and sensitivity.

Never retaliate no matter how upset you are and if necessary take time out from the discussion to regain composure. If having a support person in the meeting will help to have a constructive conversation then take steps to make that happen.

Share honest insight

Be willing to talk openly about your motivations for raising the issue and the outcome you want see. Explain why you or other people have felt bullied by their behaviour. Share how the way you have been treated has drained your spirit or impacted your health. Provide examples of how specific instances have made you feel.

Avoid personal attacks and threats

Avoid criticising your boss’s character; rather focus on the impacts of their behaviour. Remain objective and communicate your desire for a positive work environment that will enable the whole team to thrive. Let them know you value a work environment where people can have a laugh and enjoy one another’s company. Help them to understand why their current approach is making you feel uncomfortable and bullied.

Karen Gately is a leadership and people-management specialist and a founder of Ryan Gately. She is the author of ‘The People Manager’s Toolkit’ and ‘The Corporate Dojo’. For more information visit www.karengately.com.au.