Freelancers reveal bizarre requests of the clients from hell

FORGET horrible bosses, it’s the demanding client with no idea what you do who’ll really make your life miserable, according to an eye-opening blog.

picture of stressed businesswoman with computer at work

FORGET horrible bosses, it’s clients who can really make life hell.

A graphic designer has created a Tumblr blog collating real-life ridiculous demands.

Whether it’s screaming threats or insisting that green is blue, no behaviour seems too unreasonable.

So with the help of the exasperated contract workers on Clients From Hell, here are some golden rules we can all learn from.

1. THE CLIENT IS ALWAYS RIGHT

Difficult clients can have some strange views on how things should be done.

Client: I’m not too sure about the blue…

ME: Actually, that’s green.

Client: Who’s the client?

Me: You.

Client: And what colour is it?

Me: …blue?

Client: Right.

2. IF THE CLIENT IS WRONG, SEE RULE 1

And there’s no point trying to correct them when they’re wrong.

Client: Can we change the heading font to more acrylic?

Me: Sorry?

Client: Can we change it to more of an acrylic style font? You know, like slantways.

Me: Oh, you mean italic?

Client: No, I think it’s acrylic, please don’t correct me again.

3.DON’T TRY TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF

It’s likely that they have no clue what you actually do.

Client: I don’t like the type.

Me: What don’t you like?

Client: I don’t like how it goes all to one side.

Me: You mean ranged left.

Client: Yes, yes, arranged left.

Me: How do you want it?

Client: To be the same on both sides.

Me: Justified?

CLIENT: I don’t have to justify anything for you. I own the f***ing company.

4. THINGS AREN’T ALWAYS BLACK AND WHITE

Just don’t let it get you down.

Client: I don’t mean to sound racist, but…

Me: But what?

Client: But the site is too black.

Me: Like, literally too black?

Client: Yes. The background is too black.

Me: That’s not racist. That has nothing to do with race.

Client: Phew. I can never tell with you black people, what’s offensive and what’s not.

Me: I’m actually Lebanese. And, yeah, that one might be a bit racist.

5. IN AN EMERGENCY, DROP EVERYTHING

Keep smiling, no matter what.

I was at the airport, ready to leave for vacation when I got a panicked phone call from a client. She stated that the video I sent her — part of a large marketing campaign — was missing the sound. After a lot of shouting and threats on her part, I agreed to go to her office try and fix it.

After being escorted into her office, I played the video and double-checked her computer’s sound options. Then I unplugged her headphones. Then I billed her for my missed flight.

6. WATCH OUT FOR TRAPS

Whatever crazy thing you’re made to do.

After meeting with a client for 40-minutes, during which she threw out an increasingly erratic series of demands, she finally said:

Client: Now we can discuss what I really wanted.

Me: What about everything that we discussed so far?

Client: I just made that up to see how you would react.

7. THE MARKET DICTATES VALUE

One day, you’ll be the boss.

A client called me this morning. After a brief discussion and proposing the price, suddenly he said: “I’m sorry, I thought freelancers work for free.”

8. GO THAT EXTRA MILE

And things will definitely be different.

Email from: Client

To: Me

Subject: Screenplay - only if you have time

If you have a minute, but ONLY if you have a minute, I’d be honoured if you could look it over. Some people HATE reading and if that’s you, don’t worry. But you do have a lead part. (Don’t worry, you are disguised.)

From: Me

To: Client

Subject: Re: Screenplay - only if you have time

This is really outside my area of expertise. I gave it a quick read and everything is basically correct.

I am a software engineer, hired by the client to build a simple site. The 17-page screenplay featured me as an antagonist named “The Boss,” telling a child in a candy shop she wasn’t allowed to have more than 5 pieces of candy.

9. BE FLEXIBLE

For now, just keep your head down.

Client: We have two changes. One: change the font to Helvetica.

Me: It’s already Helvetica.

Client: Oh.

Me: What’s the other change?

Client: Change the word “consulting” to “consultating.”

10. ALWAYS BE ONE STEP AHEAD

It will all be fine in the end.

Client: I don’t like it.

Me: What don’t you like about it?

Client: It needs more…oooomph.

Me: You asked for a light and airy feel, and you wore all white and wanted a white background…

Client: You should have told me what I wanted.

Do you have a horror story that’s worse?