Being nice is the most underrated trait in business

THERE is one trait that can get you much further than you would expect in life. The only thing is, most of us spend hours trying not to appear that way.

I’M currently in the middle of negotiating a would-be screenplay sale. Since no ink has been put to paper quite yet, I won’t name names in the story to follow.

All I’ll say is that it’s a project I’ve been working on for some time now, and I’m more than anxious to make it official. If all goes well, it would mean that not only will I potentially have my first film, but I’d also get paid, meaning I could finally retire from my not-as-glamorous-as-it-may-seem male prostitution gig.

But, sadly, I may not be able to leave the street corners just yet. See, as I’ve recently learnt first-hand, in the writing world, negotiations bring out the worst in people. Over the course of the last four days, I’ve been CC’d and BCC’d on some absolutely vicious emails between producers, managers, agents and lawyers — one of which disgusted me.

“You don’t warrant a response. You’re a nobody and always will be.”

Holy crap, right? That email wasn’t directed at me personally, but still ... holy crap! That’s a blatant visceral reaction. That’s real. The brevity. The passion. It’s a very genuine gut reaction.

Imagine someone sending you an email like that.

Someone delivered information this guy didn’t like, and that was the response. And I can assure you the email which provoked the awful response was all business. There was absolutely nothing personal about it. Yet this exec responded by, in not so many words, telling another adult that he’s never amounted to anything in life and never will. That’s a line right out of an intense movie scene — a line that’d surely come from a villain. But guess what? This isn’t a movie. This is real life! And if you ask me, I think anyone capable of firing off such a succinct but venomous email is, quite simply, a bad person.

And while I detested that childishly hurtful email, in a strange way, I also felt good about it because I immediately realised that I’d never be capable of writing anything close to it. I enjoyed it because it made me realise that some people in this world are inherently mean, whereas others aren’t, and, thankfully I fall into the latter portion of that equation. Those capable of cutting someone down without proper provocation, and with such mean-spirited hostility, are just bad, which, in turn, made me realise the goodness in myself.

Thank God.

Being nice at work is a sure fire way to get ahead.

And I’m not saying that people don’t act hastily and make mistakes. We collectively mess up all the time, and I do so semi-constantly. But with any mistake or regretful decision you acknowledge you’ve made should also come an apology. That, in my opinion, is what separates the good from the bad, the nice from the mean and the worthy from the worthless — whether or not you’re wired to realise the necessity of an apology.

This particularly biting insult never came with an apology. No remorse conveyed.

I think having character is immeasurably important — we should be doing or being good if for no other reason than the fact that it’s the right thing to do. It’s the true measure of a person. Doing what’s right because it’s right, consciously not insulting someone because you take into account the effect it may have on their feelings — on their psyche. I’ve had the displeasure of working alongside some profoundly awful people in my time — gargantuan a***holes. And I’ve also seen karma bite some of them — deservedly so.

Are you an a***hole? I’m being serious. Ask yourself that question. Internalise for a moment here. Are you that guy? The sender of that email is, for all intents and purposes, a Hollywood douche — a character right out of Entourage. But are you of the same ilk? Have you spewed venom at an undeserving victim? Have you cut someone down without thinking of how deep the wound may actually be?

We’re all busy and stressed, but it doesn’t mean you should take it out on others.

I believe in karma. Do you?

Luckily, I also believe that one’s karma can be rectified. Anyone who’s seen Billy Murray in Scrooged knows that it’s never too late! Now I’m not saying you should joyously sing “Put A Little Love In Your Heart” with everyone you’ve ever done wrong. I mean, I’m not saying that either. All I’m saying is that if you’ve just realised you can be a far nicer person, that you’re capable of emitting far more positivity than you currently are, change it. Don’t be like the non-identified sender of that email. In most instances, it’s not that hard.

I’m not trying to say I’m some perpetually friendly do-gooder. Far from it. I complain, tear down and poke fun with the best of them. I’m human. We’re all stressed. But it’s how we treat others when dealing with said stress that your character is truly tested.

Pass the test.

Do you have it in you to react like this executive did? If so, fight it. If not, someone in your life will feel about you like I do about him.

On his last night hosting The Tonight Show, when reverencing how he achieved his dreams, Conan O’Brien had a quote I’ll remember until I’m no longer on this planet. Conan said, “If you work really hard, and you’re kind, good things will happen.”

Be kind. Knowingly, consciously, deliberately, vigilantly ... be kind.

This article originally appeared on Ask Men and is republished here with permission.