Does having a successful business come at a price?

NATASA Denman learnt the hard way that being successful in business comes at a cost. Especially when you have kids.

House Husbands

Life as a career woman and mum was a struggle. Up until I had my son I was happy to climb the corporate ladder achieving success in my career until life threw me a few curve balls and I decided to start my own business.

But a few short months into this new life I was tired, burnt out, disconnected and resentful of those around me that seemed to have it ‘easy’ back in their J. O. B’s.

I felt like a failure that even though I was working my backside off, I had little or nothing to show for it. The doubts and fears starting creeping into every pore of my body and for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do. The harder I worked on making my business a success, the more other things in my life, important things started to fall apart.

Now having come out the other side of these dark places, I see so many other career women and mums going through the same struggles.

Most people who start their own business do so for one of three main reasons. They want to have more time, more money and more flexibility, all of these things to have a better work/life balance.

Six months in, 80 hour weeks are the norm and the family’s excitement about all of your lofty promises of a better life are melting quicker than an ice-cube in the Sahara. I knew this was not sustainable and I knew that my energy levels couldn’t keep up with my schedule.

My business was my number one focus that in turn had affected my home/social life and relationships. I understood that ‘what you focus on is what you get to the exclusion of everything else’. I came to the realisation that even though my business was taking off, if I didn’t start recognising that my ‘life’ needed some attention, my entire life was going to be out of balance.

The first thing I did was sit down with the most important people in my life and thank them. I thanked them for understanding my long hours and my passion for my business and I thanked them for picking up the slack in the family operation.

While I was taking stock of my family/friend relationships, I started to look at other areas in my life and one area I had also neglected was my social life.

I was asked by a mentor of mine at the time, “Are you making some time to spend with your loved ones?” If your answer is no because you are ‘too busy’, you will never allow an abundance of love, support and success to enter your life.

I now realise more than ever, it is no point being wealthy and successful if there is no one you care about around to enjoy it with!

When I look back only a few short years ago, my life was out of control. I spent every minute I had working on my business from my ‘Girl Cave’ and can honestly say I missed the warning signs. I was disconnected from the two most important things in my life, my family and myself.

It was that minute that I knew, things had to change. I didn’t work any less on my business; I just made everything else that was missing more of a priority.

I found the time. I don’t know where, but I did. I learnt communication and organisational skills I never knew existed! I was present and I had an off switch. I gave myself boundaries and time limits that I worked until without exceptions.

Now it is your turn. Here are my Top 3 Tips for Living a Balanced, Fulfilled Life:

1. Be OK, with things not being OK

There are going to be times in your career or business where things are not going the way you expect them to. The hours might be long, the rewards scant and your energy levels can drop drastically. This is when you start to doubt your ability to be successful. This is the time when you need to remember WHY you are doing what you are doing and overcome these feelings by taking consistent ACTION everyday. It is time to have faith and back yourself.

2. Keep the lines of communication open

One thing us women can do better than most men is talk. So what I found interesting is that when things weren’t going well, I started to shut down and bottle everything up. This is the worst thing you can do as without externalising your feelings, the negative feelings manifest and cause you even greater stress and heartache. Remember it is OK to ask for help. You are not superhuman.

3. Save Some Time for YOU

As a woman, we always want to be everything to everyone. A great mum, supportive partner and have a successful career. We tend to put others first and by the time you add a career or a business in the mix, we are often the ones that go without. I can’t stress the importance of taking some time out. A massage, a manicure or a night away to indulge at a day-spa. If you are not giving yourself the care and love you need, why would anyone else?

Natasa Denman is a skilled business coach and mentor, author of five books, and founder of The Ultimate 48 Hour Author.