‘People are gross’: Mystery of Sydney’s real estate pooper explodes

Something truly “gross” is happening in Australia’s biggest city, with multiple homeowners reporting a revolting new phenomenon.

Something is afoul in the cutthroat real estate market of our nation’s biggest city, with multiple homeowners reporting a curious phenomenon that stinks to high heaven.

“The first time it happened, I immediately accused my wife,” explains one homeowner (who declined to be identified) from Sydney’s inner west, who returned to his house after the first open home to find an unflushed number two in his toilet.

“The real estate agent had shown several potential buyers through, and then locked up afterwards – by the time we got inside several hours later, the place smelled disgusting.”

When his wife vehemently denied the accusation, they chalked it up to a one off.

Until the next open house.

“We came home and, for the second time, there was a smell. The toilet paper was unfurled in a wild, harried manner, and there was an unflushed poop in the toilet. With those two pieces of evidence, we deduced it had to have been deliberate.”

Could it be the work of a resentful agent, they wondered?

Or perhaps a protest poo left in silent-but-deadly defiance by a disgruntled first homebuyer frustrated by the inaccessibility of the housing market?

Or, they pondered, could it be a more desperate move from a buyer-to-be, determined to put off the competition?

In any case, it appears the rental market is just as susceptible.

One eastern suburbs tenant, who also asked not to be named, had a similar experience after finalising their end-of-lease clean.

“We gave notice on our place, and agreed the Sunday was going to be the end date,” he recalled.

“We’d completely moved out by the Friday, then had the end-of-lease clean. I went to check on Friday night and everything was gone. The place was perfectly clean, and it smelled like a hospital.

A disgusting trend is taking over Sydney. Picture: iStock

“The real estate (agent) had the first open-for-inspection for new tenants on the Saturday morning … we never went back into the property. We gave the keys back to the real estate agent over the weekend at the office, and then I got a call on Monday from the rental manager saying, ‘we’ve just inspected the property and we’re going to have to deduct money off your bond because of the way the toilet was left’.”

Despite the tenant’s explanation that the apartment had been left in pristine condition, he was informed he would either have to lose $350 from his bond to pay for the cleaning, or come back himself to do the job.

“Firstly, I asked how on earth it would cost $350 to clean a toilet, and secondly, I informed him that I wasn’t coming back to the apartment to clean up after a real estate agent’s mess in the bathroom – because at this point I assumed it must have been him.

“I figured he’d had his morning coffee, realised he had an empty house to himself, and just gone for it. But after hearing from other people in similar situations and reading about it on Reddit, I think it’s possible it could have been someone who wanted to put off the competition. The Sydney rental market is brutal enough I’d believe it.”

Something is afoul in Sydney. Picture: iStock

There is one thing that still puzzles him, however.

“What I don’t understand is, when you’re going to an open house, particularly in Sydney, there are dozens of people around – it’s wall-to-wall,” he mused.

“Who’s closing the bathroom door and taking a dump without being noticed?”

It’s true that Reddit abounds with horror stories (or clever negotiating tactics, depending on which side of the fence you fall on) pertaining to biological matter left in properties.

“We just got back home after listing our home Friday and having 40ish showings over the weekend,” revealed one user on the r/RealEstate forum.

“EVERY SINGLE ONE of our toilets in our home was used AND someone clogged our master toilet with poop and a ton of toilet paper. Who does this? Is this normal? People are gross. Thankfully we have multiple great offers so far but I’m slightly traumatised by what went down in my bathroom and what some people viewing the home after must have thought.”

“We rocked up to an apartment opening that was [on] level 6,” wrote another user on r/AusPropertyChat.

Is it a real estate tactic? Picture: iStock

“We went into the lift and there was a fresh vomit! We took the stairs but all anyone could talk about at the open was the vomit! There were about 20 groups who came through but all had been put off. We came back the next week and there were only two others (no vomit this time). We ended up buying the property for $100k under the guide, mainly because it was the week before Christmas and it was being sold by a trust. I personally love when I see things that make no material difference to the property but will put people off.”

Putting aside the dystopian metaphor of human excrement being a viable buying strategy in our nation’s bloated, speculation-driven property market, real estate insiders admit it may be happening.

“When we get to our properties we run around making sure toilet seats are down and everything is tidy, but not so much at the end unless we know someone has used the toilet,” revealed one Sydney sales estate agent who spoke under the condition of anonymity.

“When people need to use the toilet they generally ask, and we generally say yes, so in those cases we would check that the seat was down and so on,” she continued, adding that while she hadn’t personally heard of instances where nasty surprises had been left behind, it’s not outside the realm of possibility.

Multiple people have come forward with similar claims. Picture: iStock

“I just find it so revolting, but I suppose it is a competitive world out there,” she admitted.

The eastern suburbs tenant who found himself on the receiving end of a cleaning bill never did get that $350 back from his bond.

“I was never going to step foot in that place again, although it still annoys me. It’s just proof of how nuts the Sydney rental market is,” he said.

An unnamed 24-year-old student who just secured a rental in Kensington after six weeks of searching agreed.

“The amount of people willing to pay over market rent for places that are not even close to being worth it is astonishing,” she said.

“Maybe [defecating in toilets during open homes] is a legitimate tactic. Although judging by some of the hell holes I’ve inspected and missed out on, I doubt even an unflushed turd would put people off.”

Bek Day is a freelance writer