Nath Valvo: Why Melbourne comedian will rent forever

Nath Valvo expects to be living in a Brunswick sharehouse in his 80s “with a bunch of 30 year olds fighting about the hummus in the fridge”.

Nath Valvo likes renting, for the most part.

Comedian Nath Valvo expects to “rent until I die”.

And while he’s mostly come to terms with that fate, he does envy homeowners on occasion.

“I do get jealous when I go to people’s houses and they’ve got things nailed to the wall, or they’ve painted something,” he said.

“And I wish more Melbourne rentals had longer rental agreements. It’s a bit annoying every year, having to see if you extend. I’d happily sign a five-year lease.”

RELATED: Dave Thornton dream home inspired by James Bond

Andy Lee shares his property journey

Lawrence Leung dreams of Bond villain lair

Despite being a mostly content tenant, the nominee for most outstanding show at the 2021 Melbourne International Comedy Festival has some advice for budding buyers out there.

“If you’re looking for a house, stay off Instagram on Sundays,” he said. “That’s the day people post when they buy a house.

“That’s the day you see that photo of the person you didn’t like in high school standing in front of a sold sign and that ruins your day.

“(And if you do see it), report the image as offensive.”

Valvo – who will perform his latest stand-up show, Back In The Habit, at Max Watt’s as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from March 31-April 24 – shares his property journey below.

First home

Valvo’s first rental was walking distance from the former Greyhound Hotel. Picture: Yuri Kouzmin

When I first moved out of home, I moved to St Kilda. I was a trashbag, I used to go out to trash clubs on Chapel St and Commercial Rd. I was 22 years old and I lived walking distance to the Greyhound, which is no longer there, but it was my favourite gay bar. There were three of us in a very small apartment.

Then I moved in with two strangers from the internet, into Windsor. That was weird. Let’s just say we’re no longer in each other’s lives.

Current home

The comedian has called Brunswick home for eight years. Picture: iStock

I was 31 when I moved north and in the last eight years, I’ve lived in four different places in Brunswick. I love it. I love bumping into nonnas at Barkly Square and talking about meat. Nonnas calm me.

(My partner, Cody, and I) have now made the move to Brunswick West. Our apartment is nice and light. We’re near three cafes and very close to Merri Creek, where we walk our dog, Darby the Portuguese water dog – we copied the Obamas.

I’ve come to peace with the fact I will rent until I die. I have a joke in my show about being the world’s oldest housemate. I’ll be in my 80s in a sharehouse in Brunswick with a bunch of 30 year olds fighting about the hummus in the fridge.

We don’t have kids, so we don’t really feel the need or the pressure to find somewhere to get a mortgage. Our dog is our kid, but as long as she’s walked, it doesn’t matter where we live.

Dream home

“City boy” Valvo has been dreaming about living on Little Collins St. Picture: Mark Stewart

There are these apartments on Little Collins St. They look a bit French, they’re a bit high up, they have Art Deco balconies and I’m obsessed with them. Every time I walk past them, I stare at them.

I’m a city boy. I would love to live in the city, living my best Carrie Bradshaw life. I gig a lot in the city. I love noise, noise relaxes me. I like being around all the action. Whenever we go out to the country, I lose my mind.

Sign up to the Herald Sun Weekly Real Estate Update. Click here to get the latest Victorian property market news delivered direct to your inbox.

MORE: Home of Crystal Lodge brothel in Coburg North hits market

Massive hidden warehouse home in Fitzroy North for sale

Romantic Beaufort Manor hosts a ghost, opera and Olympian

Originally published as Nath Valvo: Why Melbourne comedian will rent forever