This is what it’s like to be the parent of a transgender child

PENNY has a transgender son, and when she saw a protest over the sale of “The Boy in the Dress” at Aldi, she had to speak out.

PENNY Cross doesn’t like to make a fuss about her family.

But when she saw a Facebook post protesting against Aldi’s decision to stock a popular children’s book, she decided to speak out.

The retailer came under fire for placing “The Boy in the Dress” by David Walliams in its Special Buys aisle last week, sparking outrage from a conservative grandmother who demand it be withdrawn from sale in order to “protect children”.

Mrs Cross has responded with her personal story, in the hopes of educating Australians about the reality of being the parent of a transgender child.

MY NOW 21-year-old child Taylor was a gorgeous little girl, that I dressed in such beautiful dresses and other clothes.

It only came to mind about six months ago, that I realised why she never smiled back then.

You see, approximately five years ago, my child began to write me letters, from their room five metres away from me.

My child took the time, over weeks, to explain quite clearly the sadness, angst, humiliation and grief they had been dealing with for years, not being comfortable in their own body.

Taylor began their transition. I went along to some of the counselling sessions, only to cry and say “as long as you’re smiling now, I’m happy, you are my child, my blood, and nothing will change that.”

You see, I now have another son, still my child, but a happy, smiling, life enjoying person, one that has overcome any negative thoughts about their identity.

If, this was you, would you still love your child?

Taylor has thrived since coming out as transgender with a supportive family. Picture: Supplied

With all the debate about same sex marriage ahead of the postal survey, there is a lot of negativity towards transgender kids.

Taylor gets annoyed that people don’t even understand so much of it.

It’s taken time for me to wrap my head around it. I knew nothing about the difference between gay, bi or transgender. I didn’t understand how it affected them, or what it meant.

We were living in Queensland when Taylor came out as transgender at the age of 16.

My younger sister is in a same sex relationship, and she said to me ‘I think Taylor might be gay’.

I’m still on that transition of trying to say ‘he’, but I slip up all the time and accidentally say ‘she’, so I try to use ‘them’ or ‘they’.

It’s not so much that I don’t feel comfortable calling Taylor ‘he’, it’s just habit. After years of using one pronoun, it’s so ingrained.

I said ‘I don’t have a problem if Taylor’s gay’. But that wasn’t it.

‘You’re not understanding, I’m not gay, it’s my body I’m not happy with’, Taylor explained.

There was a lot of frustration because we weren’t understanding what was going on.

Taylor said to me ‘I’m going to see this counsellor’, and towards the end Taylor said ‘I really want you to come along’.

I’m glad I did. There were tears, but it was more that I felt bad that I’d given birth to a child that wasn’t happy with how they were born.

Seeing the counsellor with Taylor helped me to see what was going on physically, emotionally and mentally for them. It’s helped me to understand a lot more.

All I wanted to get across to Taylor was ‘there’s no problem there at all, as long as you’re happy. If you’re happy, I’m happy. If this is the road you want to take, you’re here, that’s all that matters.’

That was the biggest thing Taylor was scared about, what was going to come out in that session.

Since then, my child has been so much happier.

Taylor was this gorgeous little thing as a toddler and young child, and I used to dress her up in all these pretty dresses.

It’s only been the last six months that I’ve started to realise the impact that must have had. Taylor was always very quiet, a quiet little sad thing all the time. Now Taylor says ‘I hated it, I felt so uncomfortable’.

As a parent, I was concerned how much outside pressure would come out on Taylor. People can be really negative.

But I realised that inside there’s such a strong human being. That’s been the biggest shock for me, Taylor’s just got so much strength there to deal with this. That’s one big thing I’m proud of.

I can’t fathom that anyone could push their child away when something like this happens. I can’t understand that.

Taylor explained to me, it’s about hormones and a difference in the brain. Wanting to be male as a female is what makes them feel more comfortable and is natural.

Now my child gets to be the person they want to be and I couldn’t be more proud.

We moved down to Melbourne last year and found there’s a lot more support. Now Taylor is working and taking their time to consider whether to have top surgery.

It’s a big decision and of course any type of surgery is significant, so I am happy that Taylor has not rushed into this.

For me, the most important things is that my child is healthy and happy. I love and accept Taylor no matter what and I hope that other parents will do the same.

As told to Dana McCauley.