The biggest business fails of 2015

LET’S take a moment to remember all the times businesses really, really failed in 2015. To keep them fresh in our memories, so to speak.

Because no one has ever had a bad taxi experience.

BEFORE the year ends, let’s take a moment to remember all the times businesses really, really screwed up in 2015.

To keep them fresh in our memories, so to speak.

From hashtag hijackings to banking meltdowns, these are all the times we wrote stories containing the keywords “slammed”, “outrage”, “fail” and “backlash”:

• COMMONWEALTH BANK

You had one job, CommBank.

By our count (tell us if we’ve missed any), CommBank’s various services including internet and mobile banking, credit cards, Eftpos terminals, ATMs and Travel Money cards suffered no fewer than four major outages in 2015: June 12, September 11, August 3 and August 28. That’s a pretty poor record for Australia’s biggest bank — and an inevitable result of offshoring the majority of your IT services to cut costs.

• MYGOV/ETAX

The ATO dropped the ball at tax time.

Most Australians manage to keep their interactions with the Australian Taxation Office to the bare minimum required not to be thrown in jail. So it came as a surprise to many when, in July, they found themselves unable to lodge their tax returns. The glitches, which lasted for more than a week, were blamed on the failed integration between the ATO’s eTax and the new MyGov service, run by the Department of Human Services.

• FRESH IN OUR MEMORIES

Who could forget?

Woolworths’ disastrous Anzac Day campaign consisted of a website which invited users to share stories and profile-style pictures of loved ones, which would then be slapped with a Woolies logo and the phrase: “Lest we Forget 1915-2015. Fresh in our memories.” The ad agency responsible no longer lists Woolworths as a client, but Fresh in Our Memories will, ironically, always be fresh in our memories.

• #YOURTAXIS

Because no one has ever had a bad taxi experience.

Much in the same way French taxi drivers thought violently attacking Uber drivers with bricks would somehow swing public opinion behind their cause, the Victorian Taxi Association decided that a one-two punch of a traditional scare campaign combined with an invitation for members of the public to share their heartwarming stories about taxi drivers would be a brilliant idea. It wasn’t, and the PR company behind it was dumped.

• COKE LIFE

For when Diet Coke and Coke Zero aren’t enough.

Unless you’re Coke, it would be hard to argue the launch of stevia-sweetened, ‘healthy’ Coke Life was anything but a bit of a failure. As Jason Murphy put it: “Coke Life is the spork of drinks.” It’s the great invention nobody wanted. In the first five weeks after launch in April, sales were reported at 7 million litres — half as much as Vanilla Coke managed in the same period after its launch.

• WOOLWORTHS REWARDS CARD

Customers didn’t feel rewarded.

The rollout of Woolworths’ new Rewards Card, which ditched Qantas Frequent Flyer points earned on purchases over $30 for instant discounts at the check-out in the form of ‘Woolworths Dollars’ on orange-ticketed items, caused a major backlash against the retailer. Shoppers will still be able to convert Woolworths Dollars into Qantas Points, but many are still unhappy about the new scheme.

• DICK SMITH FIRE SALE

Talk to the techxperts about our family and friends policy.

When you advertise a ‘mammoth sale’ and discounts of anywhere up to 80 per cent just before Christmas, it’s usually a good idea to a) ensure the items on sale are actually the kinds of things people want to buy, and b) your staff don’t buy the few good items that are on sale for themselves. That way, when shoppers visit your already struggling stores, they don’t leave disappointed and vowing never to return.

• COAL IS AMAZING

It can — for third-world countries.

Climate change enthusiasts were outraged at a Minerals Council advertising campaign earlier this year attempting to spruik the benefits of the “little black rock”, such as “creating light and jobs” and “delivering $6 billion in wages for Australians”. Dubbed the “PR fail of the year” by Greenpeace (this was before #YourTaxis), the #CoalisAmazing hashtag was hijacked by a whole lot of people don’t think coal is actually all that amazing.

• LOUIE PUTS HIS DRESS OUT

This actually happened.

In April, the shocking murder of 26-year-old Leeton schoolteacher Stephanie Scott, just days before her wedding, spawned a wave of tributes on social media accompanied by the hashtag #PutYourDressOut. Sensing an opportunity for relevance, the Facebook page of Mortein mascot Louie the Fly decided to get in on the action. It didn’t go down very well.

• THE GIRL WITHOUT THE DRAGON TATTOO

Rooney Mara in the The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Earlier this year, book publisher Hachette Australia was forced to back down from a controversial marketing stunt to promote the upcoming book The Girl in the Spider’s Web, the fourth instalment in the Millennium series by Stieg Larsson. Hachette’s “tatvertising campaign” called on a female model to “donate” her back for a large dragon tattoo, which would then feature on outdoor advertising. For some reason, the stunt was branded “desperate” and “predatory”.

• VW EMISSIONS SCANDAL

Volkswagen CEO Matthias Mueller.

Arguably the biggest corporate fail of the year, and the biggest scandal in Volkswagen’s 78-year history, the emissions cheating scandal kicked off when the German automaker admitted it had fudged emissions tests using a “defeat device” on its diesel-powered cars. Affected engines were actually emitting nitrogen oxide pollutants up to 40 times over the legal limit. Even at this point, no one knows how big the fallout will be, with VW admitting the costs of possible legal action around the globe “cannot be estimated at the current time”.

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