Arnott’s, please stop messing with Tim Tams

DEAR Arnott’s, you had one job. How did you manage to fail so miserably?

OPINION

THERE’S nothing more frustrating than a Tim Tam that conceals a surprise new flavour.

Like Pavlov’s dog, when I pick up one of the iconic chocolate-coated biscuits, my tastebuds gear up for that delicious, familiar taste.

The association between Tim Tams and pleasure was formed way back in my childhood, when Mum would impose a strict three-biscuit limit.

When the thrill of young adulthood permitted the freedom to eat as many as I liked, these neural pathways were further reinforced.

But, over the years, a disturbing phenomenon has thrown my enjoyment of this iconic snack into disarray — and I’m not the only one who’s unimpressed.

Instead of the simple pleasure of biting through layers of chocolate biscuit and creamy centre, my senses have been assailed by all manner of confusing, and often jarring, flavours.

Double-coat, white and dark chocolate were a welcome variation on the classic theme, but from there things quickly got weird.

Now the company that owns Tim Tams maker Arnott’s has been forced to explain its latest, mocktail-inspired flavour fail to investors, after spending big on advertising, only for the limited edition range to fall flat.

Original Tim Tams: perfect just the way they are.

I swear I gave the Strawberry Champagne variety the benefit of the doubt, but when I bit into its flashback-inducing core, I was hit with waves of nausea.

Imagine leaving a bottle of Lindauer Fraise out in the sun all day, then attempting to drink it through a Tim Tam straw. Or licking the pub floor at 3am on Saturday morning. Trust me, it was gross — and the Espresso Martini, Piña Colada and Velvet Mudslide versions were equally vile.

In order to sell the new flavours to their target market of young women, Arnott’s advertising agency enlisted master chocolatier Tuarn McInerney, who spent six hours hand-crafting oversized, edible martini glasses using nothing but raw Tim Tam ingredients.

Model and actor Sophie Monk signed on as the face of the range, appearing in an advert in which she waxes lyrical about enjoying “the magic of a night out without having to leave the house”.

But how did we get here? Did Arnott’s lose faith in its perfectly respectable product, or is it just desperate to keep Tim Tams relevant?

First it was the Adriano Zumbo collaboration that produced Salted Caramel, Choc Brownie, Red Velvet, Choc Raspberry, Coconut Cream and Raspberry White Choc Tim Tams — which, by the way, taste nothing like the expensive macarons they are based on.

In 2014, Consumer group Choice issued Arnotts with a Shonky Award for its Peanut Butter Tim Tams after learning that not a single peanut was used in their production, and short-changed shoppers by two biscuits in each packet.

After all this disruption, Arnott’s mocktail experiment was the final straw, taking the flavour offensive to a new level.

It’s the chocolate biscuit equivalent of the Big Mac secret sauce.

A FAILED EXPERIMENT

You’d think Arnott’s would have learned from its PR blunder of 2004, when the company was accused of “normalising the taste of alcohol for children” when it released limited edition Tia Maria and Kahlua Mint Slice varieties.

A company spokesperson at the time commented that a customer “would need to consume your body weight of biscuits every hour to reach a blood-alcohol content of .05”.

While the mocktail-inspired Tim Tams contained no alcohol, and were marketed at single women rather than families, how they were expected to become a hit remains a mystery.

Unsurprisingly, the range fell short of forecast sales, leaving investors wondering what the point of the advertising blitz was. Denise Morrison, chief executive of Arnott’s parent company Campbell Soup Co, was forced to explain the product line’s failure in the company’s third quarter earnings call last Friday.

Tim Tam sales fell short of expectations this year.

Ms Morrison blamed a decrease in Australian sales on “competitive pressure in the sweet biscuit category” and a lower-than-expected take-up of Tim Tams’ special varieties.

She acknowledged that Tim Tams were one of several key products targeted in Campbell’s $228 million advertising spend, up seven per cent from the previous year.

Perhaps the high-paid marketing, advertising and product development boffins working at Arnotts should consider keeping it simple.

While they may be under pressure to keep Tim Tams relevant, and stave off the loss of sales to no-name varieties, messing with the recipe is not the answer.

Why not focus on what makes Tim Tams amazing? Like McDonald’s secret sauce, their distinctive flavour is unparalleled. Even Aldi, with its focus on home brands, stocks Arnotts Tim Tams alongside their copycat product.

The brilliant 1990s series of adverts summed it up to a tee: All that we could ever wish for is “a packet of Tim Tams that never runs out”.

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