TV with Siobhan Duck

SIOBHAN Duck reviews the TV week ahead including Brothers in Arms, Tricky Business and Dowton Abbey.

Tv week May 30 Switched On

SIOBHAN Duck reviews the TV week ahead including Brothers in Arms, Tricky Business and Dowton Abbey.

SIOBHAN DUCK OUT OF THE BOX

** Wednesday

OFFSPRING,

Channel 10, 8.30pm

Four stars

 I ADORE Asher Keddie. She can make even a neurotic and self-indulgent character such as Nina Proudman so likeable and endearing. This week, Nina is getting over Patrick (Matthew Le Nevez, pictured with Keddie) by trying a new outlook on life.

But the new storage systems, Twitter account and quinoa-eating aren't fooling anyone. The midwives are taking bets on when the couple will get back together, making up words to describe Nina's professional depression over the split and choreographing song-and-dance routines to tell the story.

THE GOOD WIFE,

Channel 10,

9.30pm

Four stars

FRIENDS star Matthew Perry (pictured) reprises his role as Mike Kresteva, a slippery politician hell-bent on beating Alicia's (Julianna Margulies) husband in the race for Governor. It is a big change for Perry, best known as the lovable wise-cracker Chandler Bing. Since Friends wrapped in 2004, Perry's career has stalled, but The Good Wife has given him a chance to show he can be more than the funny guy.

AGONY AUNTS,

ABC1, 9.30pm

Three stars

AMUSING series that has boosted the profile of In Gordon Street Tonight's Hannah Gadsby (pictured). This week the ladies shed some light on how to recognise the subtle signs that a partner is cheating on you. Of course, walking in on them in bed with somebody probably doesn't count as a sign - I'd call that a pretty cut-and-dried case. This week Bridget Taylor compares a good breakup to getting a Brazilian wax.

** Thursday

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES,

Channel 7, 10pm

Two stars

I DON'T know why these women don't move out of Wisteria Lane. I've never known a street to have so many murders. This time it's a foundation cast member, which is certain to rock those who have followed the show from the start.

At least the residents know they will be well supported in their grief because they've all become experts in post-murder etiquette. Meanwhile, police find another body and their No.1 suspect is Bree (Marcia Cross, pictured). With a face that doesn't contort or suggest emotion, she's the perfect candidate to play a character trying to wriggle out of a police investigation.

HOT PROPERTY,

Channel 9, 8pm

One and a half stars

MICHAEL Caton (pictured) is a rarity in TV. He has somehow wrangled a deal that allows him to work on two prime-time series on rival networks. He plays Australia's favourite grandad on Seven's Packed To The Rafters, but here he returns as host of this real estate series for Channel 9. The premise is simple - following people as they buy and sell property - but it works. Caton's charming narration suits the storytelling.

SECRETS OF THE SUPERBRANDS,

ABC1, 9.30pm

Two stars

THIS series looks at the secret power of the world's best-known brands. This week it's all about food and host Alex Riley is on the trail of all the usual suspects - McDonald's, Coke, Heinz and Cadbury - to work out what makes them so desirable. Though it's been done many times before, it's still frightening to see how primary-school children hero-worship the golden arches.

** Friday

BRIDES OF BEVERLY HILLS,

Lifestyle You, 9.30pm

Three stars

I NOW realise I watch too much reality TV. Watching this series about cashed-up bogan brides, I soon realised I knew the wedding planner, Kevin Lee, whose garish suits, large sunnies and shrill voice make him hard to forget. In this show he name-drops the star weddings he has done - Jennifer Aniston (pictured) and Brad Pitt, and Christina Aguilera. And we all know how those turned out.

Meanwhile, the stylists are having a hard time gauging one chihuahua-clutching bride's reaction to the dresses she is trying on. Too much Botox?

THE REAL HUSTLE,

ABC2, 9.30pm

Two stars

IN this real-life Ocean's 11, two British conmen Jazz Lintott and Polly Parsons, together with their "sexy swindler" sidekick Jessica-Jane, reveal some of their tricks. First up, they hustle unsuspecting drinkers in a pub by posing as police cracking down on a DVD pirate. Of course, they're all in it together and the whole thing is a scam, designed to make people cough up their money to avoid jail time.

ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY,

7Two, 8.30pm

Three stars

FACED with a 17th century cottage with exposed beams and open fireplaces, Ricky and Liz are most impressed with the heated towel rack in the ensuite. Even still, the ever-jovial Denise Nurse ploughs on with her quest to make this newly engaged couple's dream of a tree change a reality. The couple wants to downsize from their large Essex home to a cottage in the picturesque county of Suffolk.

** Saturday

BOLLYWOOD STAR,

SBS ONE, 7.30pm

Three stars

THIS is SBS's take on Australian Idol, turning one average Aussie into a Bollywood superstar. But unlike Idol, this is not just about singing. A Bollywood star must also be able to act and dance. Just like the many reality talent quests that came before it, the audition rounds attract more than the usual quota of fame-seekers and oddballs, such as Melbourne's Jonathon, whose dance routine has to be seen to be believed. Akubra-clad film-maker Anupam Sharma heads up the judging panel, giving Kyle Sandilands and Simon Cowell a run for their money. 

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL,

Fox 8, 7.30pm

Two stars

IN between her stints on America's Next Top Model, quirky contestant Lisa appeared on another reality show. Unfortunately it was Celebrity Rehab. And, by the looks of the wine she's guzzling it may be time to return to that show as well. Kayla takes too many pills and has to be rushed to hospital.Yep, it's certainly the less glamorous side of the modeling world that Tyra Banks (pictured) shows us this week. 

CELEBRITY GHOST STORIES,

Bio, 6.30pm

One and a half stars

A TALK show host, a ghost hunter and a witch walk into a haunted house one day, and find a female ghost living there. Regis Philbin makes his brush with the paranormal sound like a joke he'd tell over coffee on his breakfast show, rather than the kind of spooky tale that would give you nightmares. He joins former LA Law star Harry Hamlin (pictured) and Hart of Dixie actress Jaime King.

** Sunday 

DOWNTON ABBEY,

Channel 7, 8.30pm

Four stars

DOWNTON Abbey opens its doors to injured soldiers, upsetting the social hierarchy of the house. Upsetting things further are plans to make Thomas (Rob James-Collier), one-time footman and now a doctor in the army, the manager of the new hospice. Before he went off to the trenches, Thomas framed poor old Bates (Brendan Coyle, pictured) for theft. Now Thomas returns to the house more powerful and conniving than ever. And his return coincides with Bates' reappearance. It is essentially Melrose with better acting and costuming.

NEW GIRL,

Channel 10, 7pm

Three stars

EVERYONE is having romance problems. Winston (Lamorne Morris) makes a rookie error, upsetting his girlfriend by using the s-word - space. Schmitt (Max Greenfield, pictured) is unhappy being called CeCe's (Hannah Simone) sex-cretary and refuses to put out. And Jess (Zooey Deschanel) is trying to romance a guy who's way too hot and sophisticated for her (played by guest star Dermot Mulroney).

TOUCH,

Channel 10,

8.30pm

Two stars

KIEFER Sutherland (pictured) is still chasing bad guys, though thankfully he now has longer than 24 hours to do it. As Martin Bohm, Sutherland also has a new sidekick to help him investigate - his autistic son, Jake. The emotionally distant but gifted boy sees patterns and signs in the world that the rest of us overlook. This week, a key player in the show is found dead, but not before leaving Jake a vital clue.

** Monday 

THE VOICE,

Channel 9, 7.30pm

Four stars

SO far we've seen Joel Madden's toothpick, Seal's technicolour finger-nails and Delta Goodrem's coke-bottle glasses become the break-out stars of The Voice. Surely it's time for Keith Urban (left) to get in on the prop-action? Will we see him sporting a twirled moustache or large earrings?

As much as I'd love to see Urban sporting novelty facial hair, it's probably time one of the contestants stole the judges' thunder. It's supposed to be all about the voice, not the judges' props or the contestant sacked for daring to appear in a Guy Sebastian film clip.

TRICKY BUSINESS,

Channel 9, 9.30pm

Two stars

KATE (Gigi Edgley, pictured) is reeling after her boyfriend took all her money to pay off his debts. Unfortunately, she is letting her experience cloud her judgment when she is asked to spy on a woman's husband who has been withdrawing money from a secret account every week. It is clear the woman is not telling her the whole truth, but Kate is determined to prove this man is being just as deceitful as her ex.

REVENGE,

Channel 7, 8.30pm

Three stars

THE body is found in the dunes and a blood-soaked Daniel Grayson (Josh Bowman) is the chief suspect. Luckily for Daniel, he has his powerful, socialite mother (Madeleine Stowe) and an experienced law man (Courtney B Vance) on his side. Before guest-starring on Revenge, Vance starred as a district attorney on Law & Order: Criminal Intent and a police chief on The Closer. Daniel's fingerprints are on the weapon.

** Tuesday

ONCE UPON A TIME,

Channel 7, 7.30pm

CINDERELLA is having a rough time. "There's no such thing as a fairy god-mother," newcomer Emma (Jennifer Morrison, pictured) tells the heavily pregnant, real-world Cinderella. But of course she doesn't realise who she's talking to. Emma is struggling with the concept that those who live in this small town of Storybrooke are really story-book characters with amnesia, living in limbo.

Emma herself is the daughter of Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) and therefore the only one who can break the curse and send all of them back to their fairytales.

THE OFFICE,

Eleven, 9pm

Three stars

DWIGHT (Rainn Wilson, pictured) puts on a theatrical display at the store opening in the hopes of building hype for the brand. Of course, nothing goes to plan and he's horrified to find elderly people in the store instead of IT nerds and tweens. Meanwhile, Andy (Ed Helms) is sporting a black eye after defending Pam (Jenna Fischer) from an armed gang. Well at least that's the story he's telling people.

BROTHERS IN  ARMS,

Channel 10, 8.30pm

Two stars

SNODDY'S feelings are hurt when Jock excludes him from the new chapter. How does any self-respecting bikie react when he feels left out? By starting his own club and preparing for war. Things escalate when Jock is run off the road in the dead of night. Snoddy's crew deny they're behind it, but a fearful Jock reports the incident to the police and they take his bike as evidence.