From Aussie reality to drama of United States

SIOBHAN Duck reviews the TV week ahead including The Block, The Voice and Toni Collette's United States of Tara.

Toni Collette

SIOBHAN Duck reviews the TV week ahead including The Voice, Silent Witness, Brothers In Arms and Celebrity Wife Swap.

WEDNESDAY

AGONY AUNTS

ABC1, 9.30pm

Three stars

DENISE Scott reveals that, soon after moving in with her husband, he declared he was off to India to "get some things out of his system" now that he felt secure about their future. Huh? And he's still her husband? That would not wash in my house. Not at all. I can barely tolerate an overnight work trip. This show is entertaining and makes me feel decidedly normal, which is never a bad thing really.

WAG NATION

Arena, 9.30pm

Three stars

THIS week, Jackie Spong and serial sportsman-dater Chantelle Raleigh have some sage advice for all women. Spong, who was about to wed Carlton player Jarrad Waite, offers up this gem: "On your wedding day, you want descriptions like 'stunning' and 'beautiful' - not 'hot'. It's your wedding day, so boobs away!" Raleigh, meanwhile, gives great pointers on how to swoosh your skirt when you turn. 

RANDLING

ABC1, 8.30pm

Two stars

This new comedy quiz - where celebrities don It's Academic-style blazers to compete - opens with a very amusing category: Fighter Plane or My Little Pony Character? I'm ashamed to admit, I was a gun on this round, due to a dark chapter of my childhood spent collecting garishly coloured plastic toy ponies. This week's teams include Wendy Harmer and Melbourne Comedy Festival favourite Felicity Ward.

THURSDAY

Mariska Hargitay

LAW & ORDER: SVU

Channel 10, 9pm

One star

THIS is disturbing stuff for anyone, especially a parent. A gruesome birth scene in a makeshift dungeon, followed by another where children are being ripped from their distraught parents' arms by the welfare department. Turns out the father of the children taken by the state is Olivia's (Mariska Hargitay) brother. He goes to her for help but their relationship is complicated. Meanwhile, Olivia's partner investigates a newborn baby dumped on the footpath, which leads them on the path to some missing teenage girls in that dungeon. 

COMMUNITY

Go!, 7.30pm

Two and a half stars

UNTIL now all I've seen of Community have been the headlines created by star Chevy Chase's expletive-laden tirade against the show's head writer. The rant, which was left on the writer's phone message bank and leaked to the press, highlighted Chase's unhappiness with what he labelled a "mediocre sitcom". In this episode, Jeff (Joel McHale) starts taking meds that inflate his ego.

SILK

ABC1, 8.30pm

Three and a half stars

SILK is all about race this week. But, thankfully, it is neither a predictable nor simple look at a well worn topic. The tone is set when one of the Jewish barristers demands to know what chambers boss Billy Lamb (Neil Stuke) thinks of his people. "Second favourite race ... of all time," is the answer. Things get more serious though when a female police officer is accused of racially taunting a colleague.

FRIDAY

THE REAL HUSTLE UNDERCOVER

ABC2, 9.30

Two stars

PART Candid Camera, part Crime Stoppers, this week Paul, Jess and Alex warm up by robbing a posh antique store in Chelsea. Amazingly they manage to make off with thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. The group follows that up with a celebrity hustle involving model Danielle Lloyd. The buxom glamour model swipes a handbag. It is scary how easy they make all the swindles look, even if the editing is a bit heavy-handed. 

CELEBRITY ANTIQUE ROADTRIP

Lifestyle, 8.30pm

One and a half stars

ONLY the British could come up with a show that mixes celebrities (Sir Terry Wogan and Caroline Quentin) with antiques. With the assistance of an expert, celebs cruise the British countryside in hope of finding cut-price antiques they can make a profit on. But the trip gets off to a shaky start when the stars refuse to get behind the wheel of the zippy vintage car they've been given.

Silent Witness

SILENT WITNESS

ABC 1, 8.30pm

Three stars

THE first five minutes will give you nightmares so you may as well go the full terrible journey. After 15 seasons and a dramatic change of leading lady, Silent Witness can still shock. It's a particularly tough case for even the hardened forensic team as a killer mounts a rampage on a remote farm. It is a complicated story that also explores the tension between the police and the forensic experts.

SATURDAY

CELEBRITY GHOST STORIES

Bio, 6.30pm

Two stars

MELISSA George's brush with a ghost on a film set isn't quite as disturbing as her role as a hippy mum breastfeeding her four-year-old child on The Slap. Nonetheless, George's tale of being haunted on the set of the horror film The Amityville Horror is gripping - overlooking the very bad recreations that offset George's impeccable story-telling. In this star-studded ghost story-telling session, Beverley D'Angelo also shares her experiences in the house she rented after breaking up with Al Pacino.

NEW TRICKS

ABC1, 7.30pm

Two stars

AS the mother of young children my most recent brush with James Bolam's work has been in the afternoon kids show, Grandpa in My Pocket. This series about retired cops fighting crime using their experience and a few "new tricks" is quite a change of pace for me. This week the team investigates the death of a mechanic who was in witness protection. I keep waiting for Bolam to put on his shrinking cap.

Toni Collette

UNITED STATES OF TARA

ABC1, 10.30pm

Four stars

WHEN it premiered in 2009, there were concerns United States of Tara would botch its portrayal of dissociative identity disorder. The worries were unfounded. Toni Collette has produced arguably her best work here. This episode sees Tara and sarcastic daughter Kate (Brie Larson) go on a roadtrip. No surprise disaster looms when alter ego "T" arrives on the scene.

SUNDAY 

MODERN FAMILY

Channel 10, 6.30pm

Three stars

SO Sofia Vergara is single again. Watching this show it's hard to believe any self-respecting man could let her slip through his fingers. As Gloria, the trophy wife with a heart of gold, Vergara, left, is hot and funny. This week Gloria deals with her fear of flying after Jay surprises her with a trip interstate to meet his football buddies. Phil gets a Porsche convertible and can't work out why he is not in trouble with his wife. And Cam and Mitchell scour the subway looking for Lily's lost bunny. Yep, planes, trains and automobiles. Classic comedy.

THE BLOCK

Channel 9, 6.30pm

Four stars

FIRST impressions matter, especially when it comes to selecting partners and property. This week, Scott Cam has the teams working on the first thing prospective buyers will see - the hall. Combined with a guest bedroom, it's more than enough work to produce some strain. With all teams desperate for cash and the competition now past the halfway point, tonight's judging means plenty.

FIGHTING FOR LIFE

ABC2, 8.30pm

Two stars

THIS doco, which follows the men and women who train to become army doctors, is not for the faint-hearted. Opening with the chaos of treating wounded soldiers on the battle front, we instantly get a warts-and-all understanding of what the students of the Uniformed Services University are ultimately training to do. This doco is insightful and well-produced even though it can at times feel like a recruitment video.

MONDAY

THE VOICE

Channel 9, 7.30pm

Four stars

AS the biggest show in the country reaches the pointy end of the competition, one can only wonder whether this will be the week we finally come across a song that Keith Urban (pictured with Delta Goodrem) doesn't know all the words to. From Aretha Franklin to Cold Play and even One Direction, Urban's knowledge and passion for music - any music - knows no bounds. Or perhaps he's studied up in case one of the contestants gets stage fright and he's needed to bound in and save the day. Now that's something I'd like to see. 

CELEBRITY WIFE SWAP

Lifestyle You, 8.30pm

Four stars

GARY Busey trades places with an evangelical Christian pastor. Casting the oddball poor man's Nick Nolte in this fish-out-of-water series is a stroke of genius. Busey makes great reality TV because he's totally unpredictable. When the poor pastor's devoted wife asks her "new husband" Busey whether they'll go to church, he replies "I am a church". Gold. 

Vanilla Ice

THE VANILLA ICE PROJECT

Lifestyle Home, 9.30pm

Two stars

WHAT'S Vanilla Ice doing these days? Property makeovers. Yep, Ice, or Rob as he is now known, is renovating a falling-down Florida mansion. It's a little hard to believe his landscaping credentials until he gets excited about finding 20 robellini palms and a pile of caprock. His makeover ends up being an odd marriage of a poolside tiki hut and a flying fox. Fame can't buy taste.

TUESDAY

Brothers In Arms

BROTHERS IN ARMS

Channel 10, 8.30pm

Four stars

CHANNEL 9 must be spewing that Ten got its hands on this series. Until now, Nine has had a stranglehold on the crime genre with its gritty Underbelly series. Ten is giving it a red hot go with this well-made drama about the bikie wars of the 1980s, which is almost literally - given half the Underbelly cast is in this - Underbelly in beards. It's violent, but gripping stuff. It also reminds me why the '80s were such a dark chapter in Australia - for hair. Callan Mulvey, who shone as Mark Moran in Underbelly, excels here as a rebel biker. 

JENNIFER BYRNE PRESENTS DARK PLACES

ABC1, 9.55pm

Two stars

IT'S no secret Jennifer Byrne loves a good book. Much like her monthly Book Club series, this show is a panel discussion but it focuses on genres, not particular books. This week it's crime. The group, which includes crime novelists Malla Nunn, Michel Robotham and Leigh Redhead, discuss topics such as what makes a good detective. The show should appeal to book club enthusiasts.

TABATHA TAKES OVER

Arena, 9.30pm

Two stars

TABATHA Coffey is a reality success story. The straight-talking Aussie hairdresser has turned a catty appearance on the defunct Shear Genius into a reality TV career fixing salons. This time, Coffey helps an elderly hairdresser save his dying business from rude and unprofessional hairdressing students. Coffey tells some home truths that will save the old man from the poor house and customers from diabolical hair cuts.