The shows our TV writers are embarrassed to admit they love
THEY’RE the shows even our TV writers are embarrassed to admit they love. So what guilty pleasures lurk in their favourites list?
THEY’RE the shows even our TV writers are embarrassed to admit they love. So what guilty pleasures lurk in their favourites list?
What’s your TV guilty pleasure? Tell us below
Dianne Butler
National TV critic
Once Upon a Time, 7Two
On paper, yes, I am embarrassed about loving this nutty show. But not when I’m watching it I’m not. Think of every fairytale character ever and they’re here, only more attractive, and with a modern day alter-ego who wears normal clothes. It is stupidly addictive and more complex than … let’s see — what was a show that was insanely complicated but also totally logical? Hmm … Lost? The same guys are behind Once Upon a Time.
My Cat From Hell, Animal Planet, Foxtel
Ignore the name. The cats are never the problem. The people are the problem. So what happens is animal guy Jackson Galaxy arrives with his “guitar case” looking like Elvis in his late Vegas period if he’d gone to work for Tony Soprano in a capacity that entailed carrying a “guitar case’’, and sorts out the humans who are destroyed to the point where they’re about to divorce and sell their house and not have that second baby because of this small domesticated animal. Usually the cure involves a fluffy toy on the end of a stick. And a treat for the cat.
Bewitched, 111 Greats, Foxtel
Or as I like to think of it, the original Mad Men. (The long drunky lunches. The fashion. The client-obsessed Roger Sterling clone Larry Tate. The relaxed attitude to marriage. And, um, the Madison Avenue ad agency where Darrin and Larry work.) I’ve revered this show and its power women since childhood. Endora was Citizen Kane’s mother, for crying out loud.
Darren Devlyn
Switched On editor
Fashion Police, E!
I may be someone who considers thongs-with-socks haute couture, but Fashion Police is must-watch viewing because it’s the funniest show on TV. Who better than the brilliantly caustic Joan Rivers to front a show that analyses the wardrobe choices of celebrities ranging from A-list stars to painful wannabes. Rivers takes no prisoners. Of a red-carpet picture of the Beckhams, Rivers said: “Look at the way Victoria is wearing the coat. Is she going for the amputee look? Or was she just so hungry that she ate her own arm off?”
Dance Moms, Lifestyle You
So wrong that you can’t help but be mesmerised by the appalling behaviour of said “moms” and dance academy maven Abby Lee Miller. Take this exchange between Abby and “mom” Kelly. Abby: “You called me a whore, you made fun of my weight, gave me the finger”. Kelly: “You called my kids stupid”. Abby: “They are — they make stupid decisions”. The kids, with their big hairdos and make-up, look like miniature news readers.
Embarrassing Bodies, Lifestyle You
Yes, there are times this show makes you want to race from the lounge room to hurl chunks, but it’s intriguing nonetheless. What is most amazing is the capacity of its patients to put vanity to the side and reveal their most private ailments. Who can forget David, who presented with that oozing abscess under his armpit. Couldn’t raise his arm without skin tearing and falling off. And what about the applause that accompanied Cherie as she walked into the consulting room? Well, it sounded like applause. It was just the sound of her pendulous bosoms clapping together.
Colin Vickery
TV writer
Auction Hunters, Go!
It should be about as interesting as watching paint dry. Two blokes — Allen Haff and Clinton Jones — bid for abandoned storage units and then sell off the contents in the hope of making a profit. I used to make fun of the old codgers who watched Antiques Roadshow but then I realised that Auction Hunters is pretty much a blokes’ variation on that British chestnut. Both shows play on the fantasy of finding the modern-day equivalent of buried treasure. TV gold.
So You Think You Can Dance USA, Eleven
God I hope I’m not turning into Baz Luhrmann. The Aussie version of So You Think You Can Dance was a dud but I can’t get enough of the American one. I rate Cat Deeley as the best TV host in the world but it is the dancing that has me hooked — especially in the audition rounds. That is when you get the amazing street performers — hip hop, animators — going toe to toe with classically trained dancers. I’m in boogie wonderland.
Tattoo Nightmares, 7Mate
The only thing better than a good tattoo is a bad tattoo. Tommy Helm, Big Gus and Jasmine Rodriguez have the challenge of trying to work miracles on people who, because of drink, a dare, a broken relationship or sheer bad taste, have some of the worst ink jobs you’ve ever seen. The crazy re-enactments of how these real-life people got their disasterpieces only adds to the fun.
Debbie Schipp
Sunday TV Guide editor
Real Housewives of New York, Arena, Foxtel
OK, I’ll confess to also religiously IQing the Beverly Hills and OC versions of the franchise, but these nutty, rich ‘Noo Yawkers’ hold a special place in my semi-scripted reality train-crash heart. What’s not to love about crazy-eyed Ramona, who drinks only her own brand of pinot grigio, then transforms into an insulting cow, hurling insults (and this season, wine glasses) at castmates, before hightailing it home to completely rewrite in her head what happened to ensure she is totally in denial when called on her behaviour. She’s regularly out-sculled by bats--t nuts Sonja, who may or may not be broke, may or may not be about to become a gazillionaire thanks to her range of toaster ovens, and thinks she’ll make a career out of bad burlesque. Then there’s Aviva, who couldn’t lie straight in bed, and is saddled with the baggage of an artificial leg and an obnoxious sex-addict septuagenarian father, who habitually sexually harasses and leers his way through every appearance, and gets away with it.
Cheaters, Crime Investigation, Foxtel
Suspect your loved one is straying? Want to be further humiliated on national television? Call in Cheaters Detective Agency. For participants, the fact that their loved one is working late, hiding their phone, the dropped calls, the mysterious absences, constant mentions of the new hot single colleague at work aren’t enough hints. Nope. These Americans choose further humiliation by getting the trysts captured on camera, then being shown the evidence, before being transported, SWAT-team style, for a confrontation with said loved one and their bit-on-the-side. While we miss the faux sincerity of former host Joey Greco, he’s been ably replaced by Clark Gable III, who unlike Joey has not yet been stabbed by a cheating lover while filming an episode. Best bits? The sombre narration with its hushed, funereal overtones, and the way the Cheaters security team lets everyone land a few blows before intervening when confrontations get physical, then lets the assailants go just in time to let it all fire up again.
Andrew Fenton
TV writer
Housos, SBS
No one’s reputation’s ever been enhanced by admitting they love Housos, and the only reason I watched it in the first place was in a professional capacity. But man is it funny. It may be lewd, crude and completely juvenile and yes, it does engage in shameless stereotyping of various nationalities and offers a range of offensive portrayals of bogans, “cripples”, “smurfs”, ice addicts, the mentally ill and benefit cheats. But it also provides more laugh-out-loud moments than pretty much any other Aussie comedy on at the moment. It did win a Logie over The Voice you know ….
Motorway Patrol, 7Two
There’s nothing better than watching a stoned/drunk/unlicensed driver in an unroadworthy car/truck/riding-a-skateboard come up with a completely non-credible reason to explain their idiotic actions to the motorway patrol. It might be the New Zealand accents, I don’t know. Seemingly shot on the same 15km stretch of motorway, each episode provides a fascinating glimpse into a culture that’s very similar, and yet very different to our own. The stupidity of what people get up to behind the wheel never ceases to amaze.
Old Doctor Who
Geek alert: Not only do I love Doctor Who, but I’m such a dag I think the cool new Converse-and-leather-jacket Doctors — David Tennant, Matt Smith and Christopher Eccleston — are complete rubbish. Let me bore you with how I consider the series to have hit its high watermark between 1970 and 1984 with Jon Pertwee (action man dressed like a dandy), Tom Baker (curly haired serial jelly-baby offerer) and Peter Davison (young bloke with a penchant for decorative vegetables). Each story may have stretched out for eight or so interminable episodes spent running up and down corridors, and the special effects might have consisted of models on fishing wire, but back then the focus was on Really Big Ideas, and the show was better for it. The original proto-psytrance theme tune sounded better too.
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