Don't miss: High drama in Real Housewives and Killing Time ... plus funny clips of cats

SWITCHED On writers review your evening television this week.

Killing Time

SWITCHED On writers review your evening television this week.

Wednesday, December 7
Killing Time
TV1, 8.30pm
Rating: 4 Stars

WATCHING Killing Time makes you wonder what the team behind Underbelly was doing when it created series two and three.

Sydney's Kings Cross has some tales to tell, but what about this one? Featuring a drug-sniffing lawyer, notorious criminals, mass killers and a national sporting hero turned disgraced businessman.

Even without lawyer Andrew Fraser's erratic behaviour, the fact Dennis Allen, Alan Bond, Victor Peirce and Kath Pettingill are on offer means there is never a dull moment, or a completely sane one, in Killing Time.

Gold Logie winner John Wood makes a great impact tonight as Alan Bond.

As good as Richard Cawthorne is as Dennis Allen - and let's not beat around the bush, his performance is one of the best seen on Australian TV in a very long time - Wood brings his A-game as Bond.

If Cawthorne nails the scattered, psychopathic mind of Allen, Wood is spot on in his portrayal of Bond as his empire crumbled. Editing on Killing Time is brilliant. Skipping backward and forward in time ensures the menace that could have gone missing with Allen's death continues.

This double episode deals with Fraser's fall as his drug use spirals out of control.

David Wenham, as Fraser, and Colin Friels, as Lewis Moran, are fantastic.

But there are moments in the second part of this double episode that feel a little they're marking time, rather than killing it.

You'll likely spend the episode waiting for it to move back inside, where the real action is. But make no mistake, this is for the most part a compelling, expertly crafted piece of TV.

Thursday, December 8
Rick Stein's Far Eastern Christmas
Lifestyle Food, 6.30pm
Rating: 3.5 Stars

ARE you one of those people who do the traditional tucker thing at Christmas? You know - the turkey, chicken with stuffing, plum pudding, the whole catastrophe. Maybe you like the increasingly popular Aussie Christmas and go all seafood and salad.

You could also fire up the humble barbecue and have a good old ocker Christmas of burnt steak and snags washed down with an ice-cold beer.

Celebrity chef Rick Stein wants to give us a further option. Stein, 64, spent most of 2009 filming his Far Eastern Odyssey series which took him to Vietnam, Thailand, Sri Lanka, Malaysia and Bangladesh. Inspired, he is out to create a Far Eastern Christmas. They don't celebrate Christmas anywhere he visited, so he uses dishes from festivals and family gatherings.

Stein creates nasi goreng, a Thai dish with prawns and chunks of cold turkey, then Sri Lankan curry with coconut and cinnamon. There is also poached chicken with ginger and star anise. I know what you're thinking: why go to the trouble of making nasi goreng when I can buy it from the local noodle shop for $10?

There are all those spices - most of which you have to buy because they're not the ones you usually have in the pantry. In this special, Stein makes a Vietnamese salad - Chinese lettuce, turkey, carrot, bean sprouts, shallots, chopped peanuts - and then he uses mint, coriander and basil to "approximate" the hard-to-get spices that make up the authentic local version.

Red chilli, garlic, palm sugar, lime juice, rice wine vinegar, fish sauce. There is no way I'm going to be buying all that just for one salad. No, the more I think about it, the more the barbecue option appeals to me.

Friday, December 9
Despicable Me
Showtime Premiere, 11am 
Rating: 3.5 Stars

DESPICABLE Me constitutes exciting, inventive and highly enjoyable all-ages entertainment. As an animated feature, it doesn't quite hit the levels regularly struck by market leaders Pixar. Nevertheless, Despicable Me is a cut above most other toons that dropped in last year.

The proudly evil protagonist self-reverentially name-checked in the title is Gru (voiced by Steve Carell), a professional bad dude of several years standing.

Believing himself to be the world's leading supervillain, Gru avails himself of every opportunity to be positively negative. Home for Gru is an incongruously conspicuous secret lair on a sunny suburban street. Below ground, we find Gru's elderly housemate, Doctor Nefario (Russell Brand). He spearheads the sophisticated evil laboratory that brings all of his boss's best schemes to fruition. Doing all the dirty work behind the scenes are millions of little critters known as Minions.

Best described as a cross between an Oompa Loompa and a box of Lego pieces, a typical Minion talks in gibberish and bungles the most simple orders. Needless to say, the antics of the Minions will be the undoubted highlights for many young viewers.

As for Gru, he will take a little longer to worm his way into the affection of kids and adults alike. It is not until he is unceremoniously demoted to No.2 in the world supervillain rankings that Gru begins to grow on us.

Three little orphan kids appear on the scene and soften him up as he is about to reclaim his rotten reputation. However, this predictable enough development does not hinder Despicable Me as it works towards an undeniably exciting closing act.

Saturday, December 10
Australia's Funniest Home Videos - Summer Edition
Channel 9, 6.30pm
Rating: 4 Stars

ARE you a cat person or a dog person? Actually, I should elaborate. Do you prefer watching cats or dogs on Australia's Funniest Home Videos? You have to admit that the animal hi-jinks always make you laugh more than anything the humans get up to on the Channel 9 clip show.

Grooms collapsing at weddings, guests slipping on the dance floor, kids tripping over during school plays, teens smashing the footpath on skateboards - it's all good for a chuckle, but doesn't hit the mark quite the way a cat or dog clip does. I think it is because we all know how stupid most of the people are. Kick a soccer ball around a living room and something is bound to get smashed.

Then there are the parents who put their infants in danger just to win the prize money on AFHV. I still have nightmares about the two-year-old who was made to go down the slide four times even though each time the poor little nipper landed on his or her head. You could hear mum and dad counting their winnings as they made the kid do it just one more time.

I'm going to declare my allegiance and say that I prefer cat clips to dog clips. Most dogs seem to jump in swimming pools or sing along to someone playing the piano.
 
There's not a lot of variety to their funniness. Cats are smarter, I reckon. Have you seen the cat that plays the piano?

A clip of a cat playing the piano while a dog sings along to the tune. Now that I'd like to see! The single-funniest AFHV clip I've seen is the cat on the car bonnet.

The person holding the camera (inside the car) puts on the windscreen wipers. At first the cat attacks them. Then something pops in the moggy's brain and it springs straight backwards at least 3m into some bushes. Classic.

Sunday, December 11
Gossip Girl
Fox8, Sunday, 4pm
Rating: 2 Stars

THE cricket season is upon us which, you'd hope, will keep Shane Warne too busy to post those nauseating messages about Liz Hurley's Ping Pong on Twitter.

(If you're joining this conversation late, don't ask).

For what Hurley's been up to lately (besides responding to those stomach-churning tweets about baby oil and poker), flick over to Fox8 for Gossip Girl.

Usually the domain of fawn-like actresses, tottering around the streets of New York in ankle-breaking heels, Warnie's missus - nearing her half century - makes a guest appearance.

Playing cougar Diana Payne, Hurley gets her claws into the show's tortured trust fund kid, Nate (Chase Crawford), lobbing in the Big Apple after they, ahem, got acquainted on his recent trip to Los Angeles.

The prowling publisher, with plans for a new gossip blog to give Gossip Girl some competition, makes the toy boy an offer he can't refuse.

Like a bucket of those chicken wings Warne is always banging on about.

That's probably why this episode's called Beauty And The Feast. Will it ever end?

Hurley, the actress, is convincing as a character who is a Payne. Clearly she is not just a Payne by name.

In other upper east side news, Blair is still trying to keep her pregnancy from fiance Louis, when his sister Beatrice arrives.

Dan turns to Chuck for help to stop the publication of his book, but the bar tsar has troubles - and a secret - of his own.

Not that you should care, Warnie approves of his fiancee's latest raunchy role and - surprise, surprise - took to Twitter to give her a big thumbs up.

Monday, December 12
The Glades, Channel 10
8.30pm
Rating: 2.5 Stars

BOOK me a flight to Florida. But not for the sunshine, the cut-price condominiums or the cocktails with those little paper flamingos.

Even though that all sounds nice.

After watching The Glades, starring Australia's own Matt Passmore, I'm ready to pack my bags and move. And no, this is not one of those creepy fan moments.

You see it's all in the detail of this episode, A Perfect Storm, where the fictional Glades is bunkering down for a category 4 hurricane.

I'm no cyclone chaser, but if the writers of this series are to be believed, even at 100 per cent humidity, the women in this town have pin-straight perfect hair.

No frizz, out-of-control manes, just fabulous glossy locks.

And that's what you want in a holiday destination, right?

(The fact that so many murders happen here may be a slight deterrent for some, but this ain't Disneyland, folks).

Yes, there are parts of this program which are pure escapism.

Like the language, which is so far removed from how real people talk it's best to just go with it or you'll spend the hour screaming "crikey" at Passmore's fluctuating accent.

And the less said about the cheesy one-liners his co-stars are forced to utter the better.

It starts when this episode's first victim, Valerie Raines, is found.

"You're telling me you found a body called Raines during a hurricane?" the love interest nurse asks.

It's going to be one of those nights.

Tuesday, December 13
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,
Arena, 7.30pm
Rating: 4 Stars

YOU'VE heard of celebutantes, the glitterati and the more common fashionistas.

Of course you have.

Now, emerging from the world of reality television is a new sub-species of star: the Bravo-lebrity, spawned from the Bravo production company responsible for The Real Housewives franchise, only the gold-standard of this car crash, "you can't look away" genre.

For anyone who watched the first season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, just how did the six women involved - Taylor, Kyle, Kim, Lisa, Adrienne and Camille - walk away from the series alive.

There were the regular hair-pulling, name-calling cat fights; the divorce sprung on one wife by husband Kelsey Grammer; and the crazy climax where psychic Allison Dubois predicted the painful death of one character, making her bizarre pronouncement over dinner while blowing plumes of smoke from a fake cigarette (all she needed was a cat to maniacally stroke).

But if that wasn't enough drama, in the off-season, things got serious.

Like deadly serious, with the shock suicide of Taylor's husband, Russell.

His mother blamed the program for unfairly portraying her son as a bad partner who neglected his family. He also reportedly left behind financial problems, including a bankrupt business.

So in this series return, which pre-dates Russell's death, tensions are high and egos fragile. Taylor is the first to lose it, taking offence at Lisa's husband, Ken, who says having therapy to save your marriage is weak.

It's a body blow and in the context of what the audience now knows, well and truly below the belt.