The TV week with Di Butler

REVENGE, Mr and Mrs Murder, Food Safari and The Paradise - here is a sneak preview of the TV week to come.

tv week 19 feb SO

REVENGE, Mr and Mrs Murder, Food Safari and The Paradise - here is a sneak preview of the TV week to come.

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 21

LAW & ORDER: SVU,

Channel 10, 9.30pm

- Four stars

HOW does this show keep going? By the ugly inspiration that is real life is how. This is a cracker of a story tonight, and here's the guest cast: Elliott Gould, Charles Grodin and Buck Henry, gun actor and the guy who wrote Get Smart. Genius.

The setting is a very private private school, suddenly mired in sexual abuse allegations that only surface when a retired teacher dies. Suicide? Or was he killed by "Curt", who'd signed the accusatory letter the teacher had on him? This isn't about a trial, though. There are layers and context, and for an hour-long show, it's nice and complex.

FOOD SAFARI,

SBS One, 7.30pm

- Four stars

YOU'LL be wanting to jump on some of this food: Peruvian. Or maybe you have already - quinoa is the thing now. Or a thing. And humitas, adorable all tied up and everything. Andean Peruvian's great - so many carbs. Two thousand varieties of potato. Maeve appears to eat the world's best chips tonight. What about some alpaca? Seriously. I don't care how nice it tastes. (Step 1. Murder an alpaca.) 

CHICAGO FIRE,

Fox8, 8.30pm (QLD 7.30pm)

- Three stars

SQUAD 3 is called out to what Herrmann says will be a turkey fire "for sure". It's Thanksgiving - do you reckon fire stations see many turkey fires over the weekend? They must. A TV show wouldn't make it up. But first they all have to do a workplace drug test. Uh oh - Kelly Severide's taken something this morning, same as every morning, because he's a drug addict. But only because of his sore shoulder.

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 22 

THE BLOCK ALL STARS,

Channel 9, 7pm

- Three stars

DAN'S sick in bed. Don't ask. Let's just say it's bathroom week, all right. Adam, an electrician, has dropped his phone down a gap behind Phil and Amity's fireplace. Phil's dying to do something with a sledgehammer, and so's Amity, only not to the wall.

An inordinate amount of time is wasted thinking about how they're going to get the phone out. It's actually an option they're considering, instead of just pretending the wall is the back seat of a cab one Friday night. They ring it again to locate it and obviously it's an iPhone because the battery's dead. Hilarious. Dan rallies, the end.

THE DR BLAKE MYSTERIES,

ABC1, 8.30pm

- Three stars

SEAN and Xavier McBride. One's a cop killer, one's a priest. Awkward. Sean is due to be hanged in the morning. He's a bit unwell though, so they've called Dr Blake. This is where Sean says he didn't do it. But when he recovers he says he was delirious and he did do it. Ballarat's divided between hang him just in case and don't hang him just in case. Ooh - and Lucien goes out to dinner. With a woman (not Jean). 

BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS,

Channel 7, 7.30pm

- Three stars

GUY pulls up on his ride-on mower. It's like A Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency, that episode of Mad Men, that was a John Deere mower too, only the guy's foot gets cut off. Wouldn't that be something to see on Better Homes and Gardens? Here's my beach house Johanna and aaaggghhhhhhhhh ... A lot of food tonight. Karen's paella, Ed's lamb skewers, a nice citrus cake. I'd be icing mine though.

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 23 

BONDI VET,

Channel 10, 7.30pm

- Three and a half stars

I DON'T know if I'm ready to see a black swan die on television. But Chris Brown is looking a bit red around the eyes and Wayne Swan - Chris named him - who'd staggered into someone's backyard, is now too weak to even hold his neck up.

And as for Stanley the bulldog, Andrew Marchevsky has to operate on him or he won't see the summer out. Toby, a beautiful black-and-white cat, has a paralysis tick. Again. So it's a bad business all round. They're all standing on the furniture over at Jodie's, she's got a funnel web somewhere and she's waiting for Tim. Not her husband. 

 Let's hear from military bomb disposal expert Paul Howell from the military bomb disposal experts: "It's designed to kill and maim". I see. "It has a 30-metre kill zone". Right. Paul will need to use several acronyms to deal with this safely.

THE PARADISE,

ABC1, 7.30pm

- Three and a half stars

MISS Glendenning's settling in nicely with Peter Adler, who knows the names of flowers and how to change a tyre. Quite the departure from John Moray. Not as pretty, though. All the staff are talking about it in the refectory. Not Miss Audrey obviously. She hates to gossip. Plus, she's a bit off colour. Interesting episode - kind of nuanced, apart from when that guy gets shot. Not a lot of subtlety in a hunting rifle.

THE GOOD WIFE,

TV1, Foxtel, 7.30pm

- Three and a half stars

REMEMBER the incredible tension of that first press conference, wondering what Peter Florrick was going to say and what his wife Alicia was going to do? Was this going to be a TV version of the Clintons? Was he lying? How would she cope? Course you don't. It was ages ago. What fun having The Good Wife to watch on a Saturday night, and how comforting to know it won't move around or disappear altogether.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 24

DOWNTON ABBEY,

Channel 7, 8.30pm

- Three stars

MARY has become quite the shrew about that money Matthew's inherited. Let's hope it doesn't eclipse tonight's key event: Edith's wedding. Disappointment tending towards dread from the family. "She'll be a nurse, and by the time she's 50 she'll be wheeling round a one-armed old man."

This from Edith's father, who himself has two arms. But first they all head off - in motor cars, if you please - to look at the terribly cramped manor they'll move into when they leave Downton. They'll name it Downton Place. It's probably only about 23 rooms, but it'll be very economical - Robert says they'll only need eight servants, tops.

THE FORCE,

 Channel 7, 8pm

- Three stars

YES, tonight's lead story about child pornography is very important, but it's not a home renovator finding an 18-pound high explosive projectile under their floor is it. No. In the middle of Sydney. And how much damage are we talking? Let's hear from military bomb disposal expert Paul Howell: "It's designed to kill and maim". I see. "It has a 30-metre kill zone". Right. Paul will need to use several acronyms to deal with this safely.

KEVIN McCLOUD'S MAN MADE,

ABC1, 7.30pm

- Two and a half stars

PROBLEMS at home, or do you think Kevin's just at that stage where he wants to build a hut in the woods and crap in a hole in the ground? Hard to know. Especially in this episode, where his obsession with faeces (his own, other people's) rivals a small boy's. He's also excited about making a chair for his front veranda. It all looks very rustic but who can actually afford to live like this.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 25

REVENGE,

Channel 7, 8.40pm

- Four stars

THERE are so many things to love about this show and one of them is the way Victoria keeps an open fire blazing at all times during the height of summer.

That Atlantic coast, brrrr. Plus you never know when you may need to dispose of something incriminating. So much going on here, hard to know what to include. Perhaps this: Emily's mother has a taser and will use it. I can't wait 'til she sees her daughter again. But first let's pretend to celebrate Amanda's baby. This should be a happy event involving cake. Should be. I'm worried about Nolan. 

HAWAII FIVE-0,

Channel 10, 9.30pm

- Three and a half stars

PROBLEMS for Five-0 - they're up against Robocop. Scary actor, Peter Weller. And worse when he's got hardcore prosthetic arms. He plays a sniper doing grudge kills that are making all the cops sad. He also directed this episode, which is meant to be a direct remake of one they did in the original Hawaii Five-O in 1973. There to be are some differences, though, such as Book 'Em Danno's anti-gun speech in the gun shop. 

E! AFTER PARTY: 2013 ACADEMY AWARDS,

E! Foxtel, 3.30pm  (QLD 2.30pm)

- Three and a half stars

THIS is just a snappy 90-minute wrap of the show itself, which is due to last substantially longer. How much longer? Hard to say, but the Countdown to the Red Carpet goes for four hours. Seth MacFarlane - the Family Guy genius - is this year's host. He sings, he dances, he's hilarious, he knifed Beyonce after the Super Bowl ("She's just exercising and barking orders at the crowd") so he's clearly the man for the job.

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 26

NEIGHBOURS,

Eleven, 6.30pm

- Three stars

SONYA might have to be careful - her mother-in-law Angie's done time on Prisoner. She'll know how to make a weapon out of soap. If it comes to that. I'm saying nothing. Except this: There's an incident tonight, and it involves pills. Sheila, Kyle's grandmother, also did a stretch in Wentworth prison.

And now boy Mason Turner's arrived, fresh out of juvie, and already he's hooking people up with "storm-damaged" cars from "Queensland". Sure, we're all for rehabilitation, but there is a limit. Especially where real estate prices are concerned. One thing though, Ajay and Priya don't need to do a property settlement just yet. 

FAMILY GUY,

7mate, 8.30pm 

- Four stars

STEWIE brings a turtle home from the park, a plucky companion he names Sheldon. There are repercussions. It's Lois's birthday - surprise! - there's a party. Peter makes a speech that mentions words "plough horse" "just the right amount of drunk", leading to a spree of hair extensions and body con outfits for Lois and a parable from Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands. Apparently Justin Bieber's world tour includes the Quahog Civic Centre.

 NCIS,

Channel 10, 8.30pm

- Two and a half stars

DINOZZO'S father (Robert Wagner) is coming to town for a conciliatory Christmas. Tony couldn't be less happy. NCIS also has to cram in the case of the dead navy husband, a shiftless drunk whose wife - just back from the Gulf - hates him and would be a suspect if she wasn't an unimpeachable commander. In a festive touch, the victim's name is Noel. Motive: the new $100 bill in Noel's pocket that wasn't even in circulation.

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 27 

MR & MRS MURDER,

Channel 10, 8.30pm

- Three and a half stars

REMEMBER Drew Barrymore in the first Scream movie? Killed off very early in the piece? We've got that here. Just as famous. Almost. Then dead. That's all I'll say. The murder weapon is a dog, a lot of blood involved. Nicola has what she describes as a "rational fear" stemming from a childhood incident in a park, the dog took hold of Chrissie by the face.

Plenty of suspects tonight. Kate Ritchie, nothing Sally from Home and Away about her in this. Eve from the Dog Lover Action Group. Anyone. Obviously we know it was the dog. I mean who opened the door for him. 

FASHION POLICE: THE 2013 ACADEMY AWARDS,

E! Foxtel, 9.30pm (QLD 8.30pm)

- Four stars

SEVERAL major stars will come under intense glare tonight in the wake of some erratic choices in the lead up to Monday's seminal event on the trophy calendar. Exhibit A: Best actress nominee (and Fashion Police Worst Dressed winner) Jessica Chastain, whose Golden Globes dress Joan Rivers called Zero Droop Saggy. And Anne Hathaway. The who wore a white to the Globes: the top looked like a cast, Rivers said. fans came over to sign it."

WILDEST LATIN AMERICA,

SBS One, 7.30pm

- Four stars

WETLAND sounds so much nicer than swamp, prettier, less dangerous - but afraid Pantanal actually means swamp. For a wetland, the world's biggest, you should see how dry it Pantanal gets. Crazy, when you think explorers first thought it was an inland sea.

Tonight's stars range from the incredible, (150 caiman per sq km - 35 million in all up), to the stunning hyacinth macaws and 100kg kilo jaguars. There are also people, but you can see them anywhere.