Aussie Shore episode 5, the one where they all have sex

With each passing week, it gets more and more unbelievable this show is able to make it to air in Australia. Warning: Graphic.

For a show that’s made headlines for its X-rated scenes and full-frontal nudity, Aussie Shore has, surprisingly, been fairly light on actual sex.

Well, it’s safe to say the cherries have not just been popped, they’ve been detonated in the latest episode of the controversial Paramount+ series.

The below dinner platter the cast prepared in this week’s episode before things took a saucier turn should’ve forecast what we, the viewers, would be in for:

Consider this image a precursor for the remainder of episode five of Aussie Shore.

Young Jaeda was unable to walk for a week after her night of debauchery in the Cairns share house.

We know this because she loudly declared it to her one-night stand as we watched her enjoy a wild session in the “s**t hut”.

Season two, episode five of Aussie Shore dropped Thursday, and while the various shenanigans all happen under the sheets, we still get an idea of what, ahem, position they’re in at any given moment. And we can hear everything.

Clapping. Panting. Moaning. The very explicit statements purred in the throes of dirty talk. We may as well be in the room with them.

“Holy f*** your c*** is huge c**t,” Jaeda romantically tells her lover Tino, who had entered the Aussie Shore house as a temporary guest hours earlier.

“I won’t be able to walk for a week,” she continues, breathless.

... Would you like some snackies?

“Get a room!” we yell, not realising we’re about to join them in said room.

We’re still here.

Over on the other side of the house, ‘King Con’ (as he calls himself) is desperate to redeem himself from his season 1 disaster, where he couldn’t ‘perform’ for housemate Lily when they attempted to get it on.

Con talks a big game to us viewers before taking newcomer Bonnie to bed.

“Last summer, my entertainment in the shag pad wasn’t up to scratch,” he says in a confessional.

“But I’m here. I’m bigger, better, I’ve grown. I’ve got harder.”

'King Con' is ready for his redemption round.

The subsequent night vision footage shows he has every intention of sticking true to his word. The duo are engaging in various activities under the purple leopard-print doona. It sounds like it’s going well.

As scenes cut to the pair settling in for a well earned night’s rest, Con asks his lady: “Do you feel good?”

“Yep,” she replies.

There’s a pause. “You didn’t c** did you?” he asks.

“...Uh, uh,” she confirms.

“Cool,” he offers.

Brutal.

Fellow cast members Lily and Francesco, as well as Catia and Lachy, had been the only two couples to grace the shag pad in the four episodes that have aired so far, but now most of the gang have finally put their stamp on the place too.

Aussie Shore made global headlines when it debuted last year, as a recent spin-off of the hugely successful franchise made most famous in the US and UK.

Lily and Francesco are still at it.

Lachy took a brief break from Catia to have a moment with Manaaki.

And while it’s delivered on wild scenes, from epic fights, to extreme nudity and truly staggering levels of swearing, there was definitely way more sex in Geordie Shore, where most notably, cast members Gary Beadle and Scott Timlin had a revolving door of one-night stands.

To date, no-one in the Aussie cast has been seen bringing home a stranger from the club, and that could be due to more stringent rules set by production.

“There has to be consent checks, background checks, criminal checks, police checks, court checks and medical checks of the person coming back, because we have a duty of care, first and foremost, to the cast,” Aussie Shore’s executive producer Dan Sheldon previously told news.com.au.

“They have to have written right consent as well, and there’s a 20-minute cooling off period. It’s very strict. Brutal.”

New episodes of Aussie Shore hit Paramount+ on Thursdays