Wholesome TV show goes rogue with string of scandals

An anonymous txt has kicked off a string of scandals that completely change the game for one of TV’s most wholesome shows. James Weir recaps.

BYO moonshine.

Farmer Wants A Wife sheds its wholesome reputation on Sunday night and transforms into Married At First Sight’s feral country cousin.

There’s one scandal after another: An anonymous text message about a secret boyfriend, then a walkout. And an attempted partner swap. The local CWA ladies are absolutely appalled.

This parade of dramatic antics plays out at the weekly “get together” – a gathering that’s similar to the MAFS dinner parties but with more hay bales and less teeth. BYO moonshine.

JAMES WEIR:Read all the recaps here

“These ladies are very mature about how they conduct themselves,” Farmer Joe mumbles to the other blokes as they stand around an empty petrol drum.

As if on cue, Farmer Dean’s phone pings. A text message from a random number. He reads it aloud. Or … mumbles it aloud.

“I hope you see this in time. But Teegan, who you are currently filming Farmer Wants A Wife with, has a boyfriend. She might be leading you on.”

We’re shocked. Mainly at the fact he was able to get phone reception all the way out there.

The other blokes grunt and silently wonder how Big Deano got an iPhone when the nearest JB Hi-Fi is 750km away.

Chic outdoor table! Freedom?

Like in all small country towns, word spreads fast. Everyone’s suddenly whispering about the anonymous text message. The fact this is all unfolding in public at a random country fair? It’s almost as if this has been skilfully co-ordinated – like, by a producer or something.

Anyway, word of the text reaches Teegan and she runs away to have a meltdown near the dodgem cars. Farmer Dean lumbers over. At first we think he’s going to shame her in front of all the carnies but he surprises everyone by wrapping her up into his arms and mumbling sweet mumbles.

*Mumbles*

The other sheilas in Farmer Dean’s flock are outraged. This anonymous text message has only pushed him closer to Teegan! One of them breaks down and quits the competition entirely. She trudges through the carnival and hijacks a LandCruiser to escape back to the big smoke.

Producers are clearly working overtime to capitalise on viewers who are having MAFS withdrawals. Out of nowhere, they winch in host Samantha Armytage and make her deliver a bizarre announcement: some chick called Olivia who got dumped by Farmer Bert last week has insisted on re-entering the competition but is demanding she be paired with Farmer Joe.

The camera pans across the field. We watch as Olivia makes her big entrance by doing a sexy strut through the country fair while all the carnies and weird locals furrow their unibrows.

They all think this is Shelley Craft.

But doesn’t Farmer Joe get a say in whether he wants to date this random girl? Of course he does! But he has to decide right now, in public — while Olivia stands in front of him.

His response? “Yeah, nah.”

Producers have set this girl up to fail. They make her walk back out through the carnival while everyone boos and throws hot chips.

The sexy strut has turned into a disappointed, round-shouldered lumber.

This episode is already a complete head spin. Surely no more dramatic incidents are going to happ-

“I wasn’t chosen for the date!” some girl called Karli sobs.

Apparently she was around the corner behind the dagwood dog van kissing Farmer Bert just minutes ago but now she has found out Bert’s picked a different sheila to go on a one-on-one date with.

She’ll be right.

“Are we over now?!” she sobs to the producer.

Good god. Please. Yes. Let this be over now.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir