Seriously, who would date these emotionally stunted Aussies after the ‘American invasion’

WHAT do you add if you want spectacular reality TV? A bunch of emotionally stunted Aussie males and a handful of Americans who are ready. to. play.

WHAT do you add if you want spectacular, frantic reality tv drama?

A bunch of emotionally stunted Australian males and a handful of Americans who are ready to play.

Over the past two nights Bachelor in Paradise has been invaded by yanks, and I have to say, they make our nation’s offerings look a bit like a joke.

Meet the Americans. From left to right: Grant, Daniel, and Jared.

As Nina said, it’s time for our boys to pick up their game.

Much like the female contestants on the show, I have been struggling to find a spark, or really anything remotely attractive about the Aussie fellas.

(Save Eden, who is actually a Kiwi, and too goddamn pure for this manufactured world).

Must.protect.at.all.costs

Don’t believe me? Let’s run through our options.

First cab off the rank is Jarrod.

The red-faced wonder was runner-up on Sophie Monk’s season, and is best remembered for his love of co-owned pot plants, and the fact he is clingy AF.

By the end of his first episode, Jarrod made it clear that he was sticking with the overly-attached creeper theme.

After having one conversation with Ali, and Keira he sighs: “I think they call it a love triangle? I’m in one.”

Mate, generally it’s called a love triangle when ALL parties are interested...and in my experience, they typically take longer than 30 seconds to form.

He hasn’t improved over the rest of the season either. Tonight, the American invasion caused Jarrod to go into yet another full-blown, jealous meltdown.

Someone feels threatened

Then we have Blake, who actually managed to forget the name of the girl he had been wooing for days. It’s Laurina, Blake, not Lenora.

When you get your date's name wrong... #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/gSc78JmRvR

— BachelorInParadiseAU (@BachParadiseAU) 3 April 2018

And, don’t even get me started on Jake, I stand with Florence’s assessment; boy is bad news.

Run girls. Boy is a snake.

Mack. There is something very concerning about Mack. Maybe it’s his simpering puppy dog eyes. Or maybe it’s the fact that when he’s interested in a girl, his only form of conversation is to lay the compliments on thick and fast, one after the other. His favourite seems to be: “How are you single?”

I know, it’s panty-dropping stuff.

I mean, this is the same guy who said to Ali, “I don’t want to come on too strong,” moments after saying “I feel I could take you home to my family.” Huh.

This is fine. Narrator: It was not fine. #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Rpx5THfc7J

— BachelorInParadiseAU (@BachParadiseAU) 3 April 2018

I must confess I actually like Michael a fair bit. He’s nice to look at…but not much else. The boy hasn’t brought much to the table in terms of personality. Also, his Instagram account is full of corkers like this.

Weird.

I will concede Sam is actually winning me over this season. He and Tara are not as repulsive as I thought they’d be...but let’s not forget he once yelled to Sophie Monk’s face, “I looked at her cans!”

Also, is his hair a mullet, a man bun? I have so many questions.

“Can I please shave you?”

Finally, Luke. There’s not too much to say about Luke other than he is so dull he seems to warrant no screen time. He also likes to tell each intruding male that Lisa, is “his”.

Now, I’m not saying the Americans are there with good intentions. In fact, after watching Canadian Daniel play both Nina, Keira and Laurina for roses I’m half convinced he may be the devil. But the girls were eventually smart enough to see through the game, and he got his comeuppance.

We'll let you make up your own mind about Daniel... #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/gEV8p5mGJ9

— BachelorInParadiseAU (@BachParadiseAU) 8 April 2018

But by god, he was fun to watch.

Whether the remaining yanks are here to play, or find romance, at least they’ve turned the heat in paradise up a notch.. and they’re forcingour guys to step up.